Friday, April 27, 2012

My Feelings on Football Christmas


Yeah, that's them.

Here's the thing. Last year, football season was TOTALLY RUINED for me for a couple of reasons. The first is thanks to our Fantasy Football Team. See, the year before, a few of them who shall go unnamed, pulled some real bitch moves that manz and I thought were super shady. Well, last year we didn't really want to participate, but no, we were promised that the shenanigans would not continue. Yeah. You guessed it, they did. Needless to say, I was pissed and wanted to cut a bitch. Instead, I stopped caring about fantasy completely and said fuck it.

Secondly, I got all excited when there were heavy rumors about AJ and Norv getting the boot. I thought, finally, the Chargers can get out from under the reign of AJ and maybe hire a new coach, maybe take Norv back down to Offensive Coordinator or something. But no, that didn't happen either. Then I was really mad. I said, GTFOHWTBS, and stopped caring about football, and even for a short time boycotted playing Madden too because I was so heated about football in general.

But now, I live in Fresno, and most people here due to proximity are either Raiders or 49ers fans, so now I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I'm not amused with the Chargers, but I just CANNOT bring myself to be a Raiders fan even though Al kicked the bucket finally. And, I do like Patrick Willis, but is that enough to make me a fan of the Niners? I don't know.

So I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I don't know any football fans out here, so it's not like I have anyone to BS with about football either.

I will say that Trent Richardson (who was drafted by the Browns, so of course I know that) looks like the hipster love child of Busta Rhymes and Stevie Wonder, though.

Trent Richardson


This picture prompted a conversation with manz about how players who have bad vision handle things - I guess they all wear contacts or get Lasik? Manz said most of them wear contacts. Then he said:


I felt like I knew that name, and then he shows me the following pictures:

Holy raging Jheri Curl, batman! That hair is SRS BIZNES. Somebody invested in some Soul Glo.

I fucking LOVE that for this photo he kept his glasses on. That's real commitment to your glasses, man. REAL commitment. He must have been like me. When people try to tell me nicely that hey, you know, there's such a thing as contacts? I get so fucking mad. Like I don't know that? And what are you saying about my taste in glasses, you asshole? I usually just say some shit like, "Oh, I don't know, I think my glasses give me CHARACTER." and give them the onceover. You go, Eric Dickerson. Keep doing the damn thing.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Big Ol' Butt

It's been a while since I've done one of these, and I feel I must because I've got SO MANY pictures I've saved and been like, "I should post these!" Somehow I feel like the rest of you must not go on the interwebs, and like I have to share these with you 'cause you'll never see them otherwise. As if, right?

I think the last one I did of these was of breasts, so I figure I ought to give some homage to the booty. I should also say that I am now actively trying NOT to post obvious pictures of porn stars or anything...after so many years in/around porn, I prefer to consider the very attractive ladies I'll be posting pictures of as being sexy amateurs. (Shh, don't ruin it for me.)

DUDE. Where the hell do chicks like this go running at? Okay, so it's probably posed, but seriously? As much as I hate running I swear I'd run behind this girl. Slowly, though. Not too fast...I wouldn't want to pass her or anything.

She looks like she's having a good time. And the picture looks natural, like you just so happened to catch her walking in at just the right moment. I wonder if she can hold pencils in the under cheek area, though.

Am I turning into a dirty old man? 'Cause lately these gym sock type pictures have really been doing it for me. This girl can do my laundry ANY day. Or she could pretend to do my laundry, I don't care.

Another gym sock photo. I think she's wearing a leotard or something, but I really don't give a shit, 'cause I'm interested in her bottom half. The thigh high type socks are the best 'cause they end RIGHT under where the ass cheek ends. Homina.

PHAWG. Seriously, how come delivery girls never look like this? There needs to be some equal opportunity hiring over at UPS though, for real. Stop hiring dudes, UPS, hot chicks can deliver envelopes, too, you know?

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Fuck Yo' Yelp

Now, I promised manz that I wouldn't be a stuck up citified biatch in Fresno, but there are a couple of things that have irritated me about the city, or the residents, or maybe both.

First of all, I had a fashion emergency here because I threw out most of my shit before we moved up. Now, I had a couple pairs of boots that were decent in terms quality and looks and I had bought them online for cheap. But I figured, hell, Fresno is hot and dry, so am I gonna need boots? Nah. So what happens the first week we're here? It rains. A LOT. So I rush out to try and get some decent boots. I go to Macy's and there's nothing. Then I check online to see where their nearest decent shoe store is, like maybe a Walking Company or something like that, since I usually wear the cute comfort shoe brands 'cause I'm a field rep and walk a lot for work. Well, there aren't any Walking Company stores here, closest ones are in the Bay. Okay, no problem. How about a Nordstrom?


When I bitched to manz about this he was like, "Now, now, remember what you said..." Sigh. I won't be a snob, but STILL. Where am I supposed to go when I have a show fashion emergency?? It's not Fresno's fault, it's just I guess retailers go where they know they'll make money. And I sense not many folks in Fresno can afford to shop at Nordstrom which isn't their fault either, but still. I can still be mad about that, can't I?

Now, onto the real reason for this post. Seriously, Fresno Yelpers? You guys are full of shit, and I pretty much hate most of you. There aren't many Yelpers out there, and there are a few cool ones as far as I've seen, but man...the rest of you need to GTFOHWTBS.

Perfect example. The highest rated Japanese restaurant in all of Fresno is called Pete's Teriyaki. I went there expecting some awesome shit. What I got though, was a low budget L & L. For real? The "famous" spicy chicken I read about thats "to die for"? That shit was a fried chicken breast they bought at Costco, cut it up, then they poured Costco teriyaki sauce mixed with Sriracha all over it.

However, down the street from me there's a real Japanese market with seafood called "Central Fish Company" and it got terrible reviews because... smells like fish in there.

What. The. Fuck.

Yes, it did, but Jesus H.'s a fucking fish's in the name, people!

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! Daskdjncksdcuihuenrhdbsu!,,,!,,! *flails angrily*

Okay, I feel better now.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012


So. It's been a MONTH after I said I would start posting again, and I haven't. But! This time, I can honestly say it wasn't due to being worried if my posts were worthy. This was about shit being crazy in me and manz' life.

Well, so let me break down for you the last couple months. I was on medical leave for a while, since about December. I don't remember if I ever talked about it here, and I'm too lazy/tired to go back and look. My fibromyalgia was getting bad, and then I found out I had a cyst. Well, of course I was freaked the fuck out because my mom had breast cancer. Long story short, they told me it was stress related and to take some time off of work. So I took about 3 months off, not all of it voluntary or intentional.

For a long time I wondered if I wanted to continue doing union work or not. I won't lie, the shit was brutal. But then, I had heard that my office in particular was really fucked up, and I still wanted negotiations experience. So I thought and thought about what to do. Well, then I found out I FINALLY am getting my diploma, so then I really, really wanted more negotiations experience, 'cause I didn't get 30k into debt for nothing, right?

Well, in a nutshell, what I wanted wasn't exactly compatible to what my boss wanted, so, I finally decided to say deuces and throw up the peace sign. Unfortunately, this happened right when manz got laid off. I was desperately applying at negotiations jobs all over the West Coast, 'cause our lease was up, and with no kids, and no mortgage, there was nothing tying us to SD. I finally got a call and went in for some interviews at another regional office of the same union I worked for, and they made me an offer. A huge raise to go work in Fresno (with a much lower cost of living) and I'd be able to be in on negotiations with Fresno County? I'm fucking IN THERE LIKE SWIM WEAR.

Fortune cookies
Just so you know, after the first interview, we went out to a Chinese restaurant for dinner, and this is what manz and I got. That shit was crazy. It reminded me of that one Twilight Zone episode.

After that we packed up all the shit we could into our two cars and manz and I drove up to Fresno and did the damn thing. We found an awesome place, and although we heard it was really hard to find a job in Fresno, manz got a call the same week we moved up, and got hired.

Shit is crazy, right? When things happen for manz and I, they always happen all at once. Which is awesome, and things really just keep looking up, which is also awesome. Fresno so far has been mad cool and the people and our jobs (and surprisingly, the food) has been good, so we're happy so far.

Korean ads
Speaking of food, while we were still up in Fresno during the interview process, we found a really good Korean restaurant. This poster cracked me up, because the dude might as well be a meme. "Hey girl..." That one was behind me.

This was right above manz' head:
Korean ads 2
He is WAY TOO HAPPY about his beer. For real.

While we're happy now, I don't think we'll be happy when the summertime comes 'cause it's hotter than hell out here, but hey, maybe it'll help us lose more weight.

tl;dr: Manz and I moved to Fresno and got new jobs and we're happy so far.

Anyway, so I've had all this shit I've seen in the last month or so that I wanted to share.

Murder Club
We were in Fry's, getting some tech shit for the new place, and manz nudges me and says, "Check this out, you must be the founding member!"

Yes, JDL, we did pose them this way, and we laughed our asses off in the middle of Ikea. "Ha ha, a ball kick!" Yes, we are retarded.

Table legs that see the future.
Driving back from Ikea, we saw this truck with that table in the back, and I was like, "Why the hell would you want to have crystal balls on your table legs??" Manz just says, with a straight face, "Well, sometimes the carpet wants to see the future too, you know."

Sweet bottom
Maybe I was tired, but it amused me that the back of the truck said it was a "Sweet Bottom". Don't ask.

Bacon salad
This is a picture of the best fucking salad OF ALL TIME. OF ALL TIME! The cafe right outside of our new place serves BACON SALAD WITH BACON DRESSING. It's fucking delightful.

Also, a couple of pictures of my new place that I think most readers of this blog will appreciate:

This is in our living room area. Most awesome rug ever seen, EVER. Amirite?

These have been relocated to be right outside our office.

sitting area
I'm pretty proud of this area. I think it says, "Hi, we're super hardcore nerdy artfags." We still haven't finished unpacking the rest our comics.

I'm also very proud of this piece of art. One of our good friends bought it for me on my last berfday and I finally had the chance to have it framed. It's by one of my favorite comic artists, J. Scott Campbell. I hope to add a couple more to this wall.

This room hasn't quite come together 100% yet, but it's almost there. See, instead of getting a new TV, manz got a projector, and a 100" screen. We plan on mounting the projector on the wall on the left and mounting the screen on the wall on the right, but we're not sure yet how all the wiring will work out. Also, I think this room says, "Hi, we're liberal nerds because we love Stewart and Colbert and BSG."

Well! That's all for now folks...jumping into work like I have has been a little insane, but I did get that Logitech keyboard for my iPad finally, so I'm hoping to be able to post more often. Not having a commute and being much more stress free does seem to get my desire to write more going. Funny how that works.