Saturday, October 8, 2011


I know it's been a few days since he's passed, but RIP, Steve. I never knew him or met him, but when I found out he had passed, I felt a twinge inside.
A while back after I read that he had stepped down officially, maybe a few months ago, I read an editorial about him. It was written by someone who was not necessarily a Steve Jobs or Apple fan, which is what made it most interesting to me. The author basically said that no matter how you feel about Steve or his products or his company, that his story was the ultimate underdog + comeback kid story. He was adopted, grew up kinda rough, ended up forming his company, got ran out of said company, then came back to become a household name and make the company bigger than anyone had an idea it would even be. Whenever I think that I can't do something, I'll remember Steve Jobs, because his life is a testament to how you really can think big, dream big, and achieve those dreams on sheer willpower alone. If you don't accept the possibility of defeat or failure, there's no choice but to win.

Sunday, October 2, 2011


I would just like to note for those of you that are football fans and/or are involved in a fantasy football league. Guess who our first two picks were?

Jamaal Charles and Kenny Britt.

Epic fail. I want to pull all my hair out. (Which is saying a lot, 'cause my hair's really long again.)

Mayhem and Bedlam

The title of this post sort of covers my life lately. I can't believe that it's been 3 months since I posted last. But based on my Google Reader RSS, seems like a lot of you are caught up IRL too.

The funny thing about me posting in my blog is that I've always used it as a way to vent or share things with the internets. But in the last few months it seems like I just wonder if anything I have to say is even worth posting. The stupid thing about that's my fucking blog. Why should I care if what I have to say is "worth" posting? If it's mine, I can do whatever I want, right?

There have been a lot of things going on in the last few months. US politics are crazy. Do you guys realize we really are on the verge of having a crazy person running our country? And lest you scoff and say, "Nah, that won't happen", just think about what happened at the midterm elections. I never thought Tea Baggers would be elected to public office, but they were. And now we face one going up against Obama and possibly winning.

The world in general seems to have gone insane, too. The last few years have been really nuts in the rest of the world, and I keep saying the Apocalypse draws nigh. But then, maybe all this upheaval and change is a good thing in the long run? I'm not of the belief that democracy (at least how we practice it in the US) is the best thing for everyone, but I DO think that the people of a country should have a voice in how their country is run. All the natural catastrophes that have been happening are crazy, too. I don't think they're punishment from God or whatever deity you believe in. I'm hoping that they too signal change.

Manz and I are still great. Married life is awesome. We're planning on buying a house down here in SD soon. Well, as soon as we find one we like. The interesting thing about buying a house is that I find I understand why rappers and celebrities from the hood "sell out" and move away from the hood when they can. I don't think it's "selling out", exactly. I think it's finding that your quality of life is getting better, and you'd like to live in a place that reflects that, and also a place where you can relax and FEEL like you're at home. Home should be a sanctuary. Home should not be a place where you have to make sure you lock your doors and walk around fearfully at night. I've realized that for us, what matters most is the location of where we live. I want to live somewhere where all the things I like (i.e., coffee/caffeine sources, food, mild entertainment) are close by and within reasonable walking distance. So far we haven't quite found a place that's nice in and of itself but also in an area where there's some shit happening.

Work is work. I feel like I shouldn't even be talking about it during free time like I am now. I still love my job, but my local organization is so fucked up, and I'm still stuck with the group of co-workers (I call them "the dummies") that make me miserable. I'm getting better at saying "fuck them" and concentrating on myself and what I'm doing.

Last but not least, manz and I have had our non-working lives taken over by the anime Bleach. It's fucking awesome. Great idea for a story, good writing, good characters, just wow. We've been watching it every single day practically for the last few weeks. I think I like it more than Fullmetal Alchemist, which is saying a lot. I think we're probably going to start watching more anime. Especially since this and FMA have been so good.

I think I like my previous idea of posting whenever or wherever I am, (I got Blogsy on my iPad, which goes almost everywhere I do these days) and using this blog how I did my social media platforms. This is my place to say what I want, when I want, and how I want.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


So I promised that I wouldn't go very long without posting and obviously since it's been a month and a half since my last post, I broke that promise. However, mostly it was because I didn't have time, and when I did have time, I was trying to bury myself in my drug of choice: video games. You guys know how that goes. Sidenote: I'm super happy to be gaming with my friends Stormy and Razig aka James and Jay again. Anyway, I titled this post BSOD because that's sort of the expression that's been on my face for the last month and a half. I've mostly been blue screening and unable to process much of anything. And yes, because of work.
I realized something about myself and the way I've been reacting about work. I mean, work is where you spend the most time throughout the day, and you spend more time with the people you work with than your family. As much as I do love helping people and being an activist and actually getting PAID to just be myself, it's been really hard because of all the drama that's gone on in my workplace. There's so much uncertainty right now, and a control freak like me certainly CANNOT deal with multiple levels of uncertainty in my life. It makes me absolutely fucking insane. Of course I already knew all this, and you guys did too. The one thing that I realized was that despite the fact that I do find meaning and satisfaction in my work, one thing I cannot conceive of doing is just walking away from it. I've been convinced that it all absolutely MUST work out, but I never really thought about why that was. The reason is simply that if this job doesn't work out for whatever reason, if I get laid off, if I quit, whatever, then I feel as if I've wasted the whole first year of marriage to manz for nothing.
Realizing that one thing a few weeks ago made me burst into angry and upset tears, and I think ya'll know how much I absolutely detest crying. I've been trying not to think about it since I realized it, and of course I did talk to manz about it. He thought it was silly of me, since after all, we do have the rest of our lives together. I know that, but when I'm in the depths of despair about whether or not the uncertainty and drama will work out, it's hard to see the long view, you know? So maybe that explains why I buried myself in a hole for all this time.
I've cried a whole lot lately, but not because I'm sad or anything, of course, but they're what manz calls "murder tears", which I found an especially apt name for them. There's just so much going on, so many people pissing me off, people fucking with me, unknowns on whether not I might be laid off, etc., that my body goes through emotional flooding because I'm holding back so much of what I think and feel all the time. That shit gets REALLY STRENUOUS.
Anyway, I actually went on vacation with manz to the Dominican Republic a couple weeks ago and that was really great. I did nothing but swim at the beach and lay on the beach, and eat, and read, and sleep. It was awesome. That's about all the news in my life that's fit to print.
I'm really going to push myself to try and get my mind right going forward. I have to quit the negativity and stop being emo. Yes, shit is rough for me right now emotionally, but I've been through way worse shit, right? I can do this. I got this.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Conversations With: Manz

So there have been a couple of instances lately where manz made some complete conversation stoppers that were pretty damned awesome.
Situation 1:
My friend Amanda and I were walking down the street with manz at a little street festival in our hood last weekend. There were. Bunch of people there trying to get us to sign petitions. Now, down here in SD I have had bad moments with people asking me to sign petitions, especially lately. I get approached by a lot of conservative fuckheads to sign shit that is part of their agenda. More frequently I had a run in with some idiot who had the nerve to tell me, (after I told him I wouldn't sign his shit because I worked for a labor union and his petition was anti-labor) "well, they SAY that unions are ruining San Diego, what do you think about that?" I think he smelled the murder in the air at that point because he quickly left.
But I digress. So some asshole was bugging us about signing a petition about supporting medical marijuana dispensaries. Now, I ordinarily would have, except his little booth ALSO said in small letters, "Support small business by allowing hiring of non-union workers". Manz was starting to slow down, and I said, "Nah, fuck that, he's trying to union bust!" so we started walking faster again. The guy was like, "Hey, support us and medical marijuana, we need 30,000 signatures!" Manz says loudly to the guy, "That's A LOT!" The dude just opened then closed his mouth. Guess he didn't know how to respond to that. When Amanda and I busted up, manz says innocently, "What? I was trying to keep the conversation going!"
Situation 2:
I was at a meeting with two of my co-workers and we were talking about PSN being down recently. One of them was saying that he hoped it was back up, as he likes FPS games. As much as I personally love my PS3, I told him he needed a 360 if he really loved FPS games and playing them online. He said, "Oh, I know, and I guess it's something to think about since the network was down." Then he says, "Oh, did you know that the first time it was down it was taken down by a hacker group cal-" I overrode him and said, "Yes, a hacker group called Anonymous." Then he said, "Oh, well did you know the second time that it was a DIFFERENT group, but that -" and I interrupted with, "Yes, they blamed Anonymous but Anonymous said it wasn't them." He looked a little nonplussed at that and then he said, "And then Anonymous post-" and I sighed loudly and looked over my glasses at him (you can imagine the look of disgust I had on my face at that point) and said "Yes, yes, Anonymous posted on their site that it wasn't them but that So y had better get their shit together or else it would be them next time. Yes, I know. Of COURSE I know. I'm a gamer and an Internet nerd. How would I NOT know?"
When I was telling manz this, as soon as I uttered the last sentence he said, pretending he was me, "Sheeit. Bitch, I am LEGION!"

Stewart v. O'Reilly, Round 3

As JDL pointed out, Bill O'Reilly was ethered on his own damn show. Well, looks like he was ethered on his own damn website, too. Cryin' shame, ain't it?

Monday, May 16, 2011

Stewart v. O'reilly = EPIC WIN

The title says it all. Jon Stewart is really SO SO SO much smarter than those idiots at Faux News.

Round 1:

Round 2:

I love that man. I don't love many men, but Jon Stewart, I do so love him.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Common: Misogynist Copicidal Black Supremacist?

Do the pundits at Fox ever have trouble when they're "reporting news" and trying not to laugh hysterically? I mean, are they self aware at all?

HAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry, that was too funny. If you guys missed the latest "controversy", Jon Stewart did an amazing job as usual talking shit about Fox and poking more holes in their Swiss cheese resembling logic.

It's shit like this, you guys. Shit like this that makes me wonder about the future of America.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


Jadakiss asked this question, and I have to ask it myself now. Last night something happened that really disturbed me and actually hurt me even though it didn't happen to me.
Part of what I do on occasion at work is cold call members of ours to give them information that's important to them that they need to know. It's the cheapest thing, since sending mail out to 6000 people is infinitely more expensive than calling them. In any case, sometimes we cold call people who haven't explicitly given us permission to call them. Now, they know we have their contact information because they give it to us, but they don't actually say, "Yes, you can call me." however, in the contract campaign that we're going through right now, we've specifically asked people to let us know if we can call them with updates. They even sign a card saying so.
Last night a co-worker of mine called this guy who we know has been a bit rude in the past, but he did sign a card, so we called him to give him the updates. When we call someone who has caller ID it comes up as our organization calling, so usually when people answer they know who it is. Well last night, when my co-worker called this guy, he knew who was calling. He started going off on my co-worker before he could even get a word in. Now, I get it if you don't want people calling you, but this guy called my co-worker a fucking faggot and a fucking n*****.
I mean, is that at all necessary? Sure my co-worker is black, and he is gay. But why was that necessary? And why was it necessary to go for the double tap of insults? Especially because this guy KNOWS that my co-worker is both black and gay, so he made it personal. What did he ever do to deserve that kind of bullshit? And in a modern city like San Diego, people actually do that shit? I kind of thought that only happened in the south anymore. I kinda thought that racism and xenophobia of this magnitude was a lot more subtle and institutionalized here. Not that any of this makes what this asshole did acceptable in any way, wherever he lives...but still. Do you guys know what I mean?
That hurt me in my heart and made me die a little more on the inside. Even though this co-worker and I have been on opposing sides in things that have happened with the drama in the workplace, I still don't think anyone deserves shit like that. Shit like that makes it harder for me to want to go to back to work.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Beginning of the Week Pron: Magical Mammaries

I know it probably seems a little weird for me go be posting pics of boobs on Mother's Day and all, but keep in mind that Mother's Day means jack shit to me, after all. Considering what you all know about my relationship (or lack thereof) with my family, you can see why today is like any other old day for me. Additionally, I ain't a mother myself nor do I plan on being one any time in the near future. Also, perhaps there's some sort of correlation between breasts and mothers...sort of?

First of all, this picture caught my eye because that is one hell of a handful. Also I kinda dug the picture because it reminded me of older porn, where the women were much more natural and not all skinny blonde bitches with big fake tits. Admittedly this was also the time when natural also meant big huge bush like they had the head of a 70s basketball player in between their legs, but hey, nothing's perfect, amirite?

This girl. Too skinny, but those breasts are perfectly shaped and sized! Admittedly, the pic is a bit shopped, but I know from personal experience that the skin might be smoothed out but those tits are legit.

Clearly not an American girl, due to the tan lines, and her overall look. I like the whole shape of her body, and she seems just right. Not too too skinny. I'd like to see what dat ass looks like, though. She could be Brazilian 'cause of those tan lines and you know what that means.

Only an Eastern European girl could have tits that shape and size and be that skinny. I know this girl but forgot her name. Plus, do we really need to know her name? Seriously.

Same here. She's prolly Eastern European, and too skinny. But I can't deny the glory of that rack. Not all big breasted women can be shaped like Gianna, sadly.

These breasts are PERFECT specimens. I mean, can YOU see anything wrong with them?

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Star Wars Gear

Being a hardcore nerd sometimes is way too fucking expensive. As nerddom becomes more and more acceptable, companies realize they need to cater to us, and now this shit is starting to get out of control.

Adidas started a new line recently which is totally random. Maybe for Force Unleashed originally, and now more recently for The Old Republic? I have no idea, but these are a couple of the kicks they put out and I WANT THEM.

Remember these guys?


They also have Han Solo shoes, but based on when he was frozen in carbonite. A better choice for a shoe colorway, in my opinion.

Marc Ecko put out some hoodies as well. For the full effect they zip up in front over your face.

Darth Maul hoodie? Fuck yeah.


Stupid capitalism!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Obama = 1 BAMF

I will say that there have been times in the past couple of years where I've been proud of him, disappointed, and mad at him, sometimes all at once. I have never ever lost sight of the fact that being the American President is probably the hardest job in the whole world, however. But this weekend has brought me new revelations.
First this I see this shit this morning.

Now this:
I love how the Fox News crowd is already attributing his success to all the hard work Dubya put in. I feel your pain, Obama. A couple of weeks ago my coworkers tried to say that any success I've had has been because of them - 'cause even though I've busted my ass the last year, I'm just capitalizing off of the work they put in before I even got there. I had a hard time not killing those bitches. I don't know how you've kept your cool all this time.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Royal Wedding. Really?

I'm just wondering why we even care. I mean, I firmly believe we should care about world events. But it's shit like this, you guys.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Madden 12

I am sure you guys already know this, but yesterday the winner for the cover of Madden 12 was announced. I have to say I thought it was really cool that they let us vote on it, because then the people who we really wanna see on the cover or who we feel deserves it ends up making the cover. Well, theoretically anyway. I kept forgetting until it was down to 8 choices but then I voted as often as I could. Of the last 4 I would have been happy with all of the contenders, but honestly the actual winner made me the happiest:
I don't think anyone was happier than manz to see Peyton Hillis actually winning. Last night I watched the announcement with both Mike Vick and Peyton Hillis and it was really awesome how gracious Mike Vick was. Plus I'm sure that he feels the sting of the Madden curse from the first time around. But as they say, 2 curses cancel each other out, so manz is hoping that this means Cleveland will get somewhere this year.
Side note: When I was talking to manz about the results, this is what went down.
Me: That's so awesome that Hillis won! I'm so glad for you and Browns fans!
Manz: Yeah, he's the first Cleveland player to be on the cover of a major sports game in any sport EVER.
Me: Wow, really? That's even more awesome! I guess everyone loves an underdog.
Manz: (2 seconds after I said "underdog") Yeah, way more so than someone who murders dogs.
PS: Damnit JDL you beat me to the punch, I saw your comment as I was typing this post out!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Socially Awkward Penguin

So, in an effort to shed the self imposed tag of being "socially awkward", I decided to check out the Socially Awkward Penguin memes and see whether or not they applied to me. I've been told lately that I'm actually not socially awkward (well, at least not anymore, I've come a long way in the last 2 years apparently) and that all I'm left with now in terms of lacking social skills is a very common fear of speaking in public.

But when I looked at the memes I mainly LMAO'ed because well, they're funny because they're true. I decided to post the 5 I liked the most and some explanation.

Yeaaaaah. I HATE it when I go anywhere where I have to sit down amongst people I don't know for a period of time and someone sits right next to me. If it's crowded and that's the only seat available, fine. But if it it's empty, for the love of god, WHY ME? I've been to the doctor's office quite a bit lately for a variety of reasons, and let me tell you, there's nothing that bugs me more than someone sitting right next to me when there are dozens of other chairs available. And yeah, don't try to strike up a conversation with me, either. I will act like an elitist pig and pretend I'm reading something on my iPad and fully ignore you.

Ugh. I hate this one because I do it a lot. Like, there are so many times that I want to say some internet/gaming nerd thing and then change everything I was going to say because the person won't get it. Or of course the worst is when things do slip out and the person stares at me and I feel compelled to explain the reference. "Oh yeah it was so funny when that dude freaked out. He totally blue screened!" "Uh, what?" "Oh...well, you know, the BSOD? Blue Screen of Death?" "No..." "Oh."

Facepalm. I do this a lot. I frequently give the wrong social response because I've already planned the social event out in my head, then I say some shit like this and it's the worst. I am so uncomfortable I usually just walk away, and then I berate myself for like 30 minutes afterwards.

GOD ICEBREAKERS ARE THE WORST! I have to do them a lot these days for work, and for fuck's sake, there is nothing worse than like 50 people in a room staring at you when you give the IRL version of your a/s/l. "Uh hi, my name's Sun. And I like stuff. And things. Yeah." I hate talking at meetings and I especially hate facilitating meetings. It gives me anxiety.

Well, I totally agree with this statement. I feel like I can totally talk online and be fine, but put me in a public setting and no way I can do the same thing.  I can almost never act like "myself" IRL, even amongst groups of friends! If the group gets larger than like 10 people, suddenly I can't function.


Maybe this is something that gets better with age? Then again, I'm 34.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

What's Beef?

So this week I learned that Tyler Perry and Spike Lee have been beefing for the last couple of years because Spike has continuously criticized Perry's work. Now I don't normally get involved in celebrity gossip, because honestly, I think our worship of celebrities and athletes goes way too far. It's one thing to be take an interest in someone's life and activities as it pertains to their work, if you're a fan of their work. It's quite another to obsessively follow their every move and talk about/judge their lives and actions as if they're actually people you know. And as if you actually have the right to judge someone like that. But I digress, since I've already ranted about this ad nauseum on this blog.
As I said, I just found out about their beef. Ordinarily I am a fan of Spike Lee's work. I appreciate what he's trying to do and the messages he tries to convey. I don't necessarily like every single thing he's done, but overall, I like him. He can be a little extreme at times, but hey, we live in a free country, right? As it so happens, I agree with his assessments of Tyler Perry's work. It's the lowest of the low, appealing to the lowest common denominator of the masses. I have never been a fan of Tyler Perry's work, and as a matter of fact I actually was pissed when I found out his presence would be contaminating Star Trek. Thankfully he had only a few lines. Other than that I've mostly ignored Tyler Perry and his work because, being the elitist pig I am, it doesn't appeal to me in any way, shape or form, on any level.
But this week, listening to radio on the way to work, and listening to Tyler Perry's rant about Spike Lee, I was PISSED. He actually had the nerve, the audacity, the SHEER UNMITIGATED GALL to compare himself to Booker T. Washington and W. E. B. Du Bois. Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously, Tyler Perry? SERIOUSLY?
Excuse me while I go bang my head on my desk several times. It's clear I'm missing something here. I must have misunderstood Tyler Perry from the beginning. Here I thought he was propagating stereotypes and bringing black people down, when actually he's really trying to bring them up. How silly of me.

Thursday, April 21, 2011


In other news, last night I was sleepy and commenting on Reddit and realized I was posting some cracked out looking/sounding shit. Today, Reddit had been down ALL DAY.

Coincidence? I think not!

End Of The Week Pron: Big Ol' Butt Edition

I think part of the reason I've been so stressed lately is that I have not stared at enough lady parts to help make me feel better. Or that's what I'm telling myself at least.

I love the side view. Really helps illustrate that I could rest my drink on the top of her ass if I wanted to.

This girl is super hot. This whole picture is working for me. And, she looks like Alicia Keys which is awesome.

Here's a picture anyone would like. It's artsy and a very good quality picture. Plus I could stick a fork in that ass, knowwhatI'msayin?

Seriously, isn't your first thought when you see this: Turn around! TURN AROUND FOR THE LOVE OF BABY JESUS!

That's just nice.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


So Sunday was me and manz one year anniversary. I can't believe that we've been married for a whole year. And I don't mean that in a bad way at all, but just that it seems like time has passed so quickly. I guess it really has, mostly because so much has gone on in the last year. I'm glad to say that I'm just as happy as I was a year ago if not more so. Actually, I think I am happier, because as opposed to getting the wedding over with, all I feel now is excitement about the rest of our lives that's still to come.

We kept it pretty low key. We decided to see a movie and have dinner at a joint that's known as the best restaurant in San Diego. We ended up seeing Hanna, which was pretty good. The camerawork at times did give me a bit of a headache and nausea, but that might be because it's been a while since I've seen an action movie at the theater. If you decide to watch the movie, keep in mind that it's supposed to be like a fairy tale, and I don't mean that Disney bullshit. I mean like a real fairy tale. I read some review that was talking shit about how the characters were written/directed. The reviewer had an issue with the villainess, Cate Blanchett, being too much of an archetype. Well, HELLO, it's supposed to be like a fairy tale. Good and evil is pretty clear cut in fairy tales, and both sides display the epitome of each archetype.

Anyway. We had initially decided that we weren't going to get each other gifts, but well, we were at the nice mall out here and I was looking at kicks, and then I came across these:

Dude. They had ONE pair, and it was in my size. Destiny, amirite? Manz said that sealed the deal in his opinion, and so these are now sitting in my closet. As much as I love shoes, I have to say that this pair is absolutely the most awesome pair of shoes that I've ever owned, and maybe ever will own. I sent these pics to my bot Ian and he said, "Their only enemies will be clown shoes that escaped from Arkham, and scuffs." In fucking deed.

Anyway, since we were going to a 5 star restaurant, manz thought I might like it if we dressed up so we did.

Aw, I look pretty happy, don't I? I think it was the shoes. The shoes? It's gotta be the shoes!

The view was pretty sweet. This is the bay and harbor in SD, and to the left is the beginning of downtown. Manz wanted there to be a sunset, but I thought it looked cool anyway. Then again, I have been known to be emo at times.

Seriously, what restaurant does this kind of shit? The waiter got a 30 dollar tip and he deserved every penny. The food was awesome, the service was top notch, and this at the end was too good.

All in all a most satisfying day.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Do Want

I thought I had bought all the shit I could possibly need or want for my iPad but I was wrong. Can I have this now please?

Friday, April 15, 2011

Seriously, Arizona?

I mean, Arizona has had some seriously fucked up and crazy lawmakers. Their "tough" stance on immigration, and then this asshole Jon Kyl saying that 90% of Planned Parenthood's funds go towards abortions? 

As if all that wasn't bad enough, this new one takes the cake.

They can be proud to call themselves the first state to pass an official birther bill. Yes, in their state now a candidate for Presidency now has to prove his place of birth before he'll be put on the ballot for their state. You know, I'm so sick of this birther bullshit. Why can't these people have the balls to come straight out and say that they doubt the President's place of birth because he's black and has a foreign sounding name?

Good job, Arizona. You're well on your way to become a super awesome place that I'll want to visit someday. /s

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Random Angry Non Sequitur

So how does it feel, huh?

Sometimes I wonder how I stay so angry all the time. I'm usually angry about something or other. Manz swears it's passion, but I kinda just see it as angry. Maybe that's why I'm still in therapy. (Yes, I am angry today, today's reason is because people are so stupid. Modern medicine is evil for eliminating survival of the fittest.) 

Is it bad that I thought this picture was hysterical? And can you tell I don't like flowers? I mean, seriously, who gives someone a gift that dies? That's kind of bullshit. Buy me some god damned electronics.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Haters Gonna Hate

Y'know, I don't see how JDL aka howeyeceverything aka iamnotstrange does it. He makes a post on his blog every single day. Every single god damned day without fail, and I really don't know how he does it. For fuck's sake, I've wanted to post something every single day for the last month that I haven't posted shit, and yet do I actually end up posting? No. And so I leave my poor blog for a month without posting a single  god damned thing. I keep thinking that everything I post has to be some long drawn out thing, but I know it doesn't have to be, and actually it shouldn't be.

Quick newsflash about me in case you're interested:

- Yes, I'm still having problems at work.
- Yes, I still hate my coworkers and I still want to kill them all.
- Yes, I still love my job.
- In other unrelated news, I've lost almost 40 pounds! I'm finally getting back to my old self again. I'm hoping I can lose at least another 20 by June, 'cause manz and I are going to the Dominican Republic with his fam for vacation.
-I've started playing Rift. (Partially why I haven't posted in a while, too.) I know, I'm a big ol' dork, but I was tired of WoW, and I still do love MMORPGs.
-I'm mad about the possible lockout and the horrifying possibility of no football.
-I love Rep. Anthony Weiner from New York, he's fucking awesome. Possibly more on him forthcoming, or you can google him.
- ^ Semi-related, I stopped lurking on Reddit so much and actually posting comments. I got over 600 comment karma, baby! BOOYAKASHA! (Yes, I'm a dork for being proud I have comment karma. But hey, what internet nerd doesn't like validation from her nerdy peers? People apparently think the shit I say sometimes is funny or interesting. I dig it.)

Last but not least, do any of you know of an iPad app where I can post to this blog from? I tried a couple and it hasn't worked. At this point I'll pay for one. So if anyone's bored and has some free time to research for me, or knows of one offhand, I'll love you longtaimz.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Et tu, Brute? aka FUCK YO' ESTROGEN!

(This post was supposed to be published on 3/15, hence the title.)

You know what the worst thing about admitting that you actually have feelings? Actually feeling those feelings.

The last two weeks have been really painful ones for me for a variety of reasons, but mostly job related. Work itself has become increasingly more difficult for me since the departments I cover have been changed. I used to cover sort of a cross section of all the county departments, but now I only cover Health and Human Services. And in a conservative county, its not the best place to be. As we know conservatives don't place a lot of value on providing social services, so this department is basically run on a shoestring budget, and because it's the biggest department in the county, it also suffers from what a lot of big departments or corporations suffer from - mismanagement and a disconnect between management and line staff, and management and the clients that the line staff serve.

What this means for me specifically is that I deal with a lot of unhappy people all the time, in fact every day. I can't help everyone, and there are so many issues, especially because they haven't been addressed by the coworkers of mine previously. I just feel like I'm in the middle of a circle of fire, with a small bucket of water, just trying to put the big flare ups out. I know I can never put out the fire, and can barely suppress the big flare ups. And on top of all that, I'm being shot at with arrows from outside of the circle of fire. I'm trying to stop from getting burned by the fire, and trying not to be shot. (Sidenote: it's a lot of women that do social services work, and my god, listening to women bitch all day and talk about their feelings and figuratively holding their hand at the same time is putting me in my own personal hell.)

I'm now in the middle of a bad situation that's been getting progressively worse over the last few years and is just now getting to a critical mass. I know I didn't cause it, I know I can't fix it all by myself, but it still bothers me. I started doing this job because I wanted to help people, not just operate by reacting and doing damage control. That's a hard thing for me to take. I am a control freak, and having basically every aspect of my job be outside of my control is just so, so difficult. On top of that, being in union work and part of the Labor movement at a time like now is depressing, considering what has happened in Wisconsin and Ohio, and considering the layoffs just today of 19000 teachers in California.

This job is probably the most difficult and challenging one I've ever had, and I've worked a lot of jobs. It has also been the most rewarding. But over the last few weeks, I've just been wondering whether or not I can really DO the job anymore. I've been doubting myself and my abilities, and wondering whether or not I'm really the type of person who can or should be in a career where I help people. I understand now more than ever that I never would have been able to make it as a social worker or a therapist. At this point in my life, I haven't recovered enough from my own traumas and distanced myself enough from them to not care too much. As it is now, I care WAY too much about my job and whether or not I'm helping people enough, and it is killing me.

No, I'm not cutting myself, so no worries that I've become emo. But, I have been crying a lot. I've cried about 3 times in the last few weeks, which is more than I've cried in a few years combined. I feel like I'm being betrayed by my own body, (hence the title of this post) because what happens when I become overwhelmed and pissed off is I cry. I don't cry when I'm sad. I cry when I'm mad as hell and want to murder people. I cry when I'm frustrated. And... I HATE IT. I am trying to understand that crying is okay, and it's a natural thing. But for me, it isn't. Crying is not what I do. Crying is what pussies do. Crying is what you do when you're weak. I suppose my emotional state isn't the healthiest if when I'm upset and overwhelmed all I want to do is hit people. The Hulk inside of me these days is just under the surface. I'm operating on a daily basis being at the midway point between Bruce Banner and the Hulk.

I think the key is that I need to spend more time doing things that I enjoy and that make me happy. Unfortunately, working so much isn't enabling me to do so. At least before, when I worked with the other departments, it was awesome when I was in a department with mostly dudes (mechanics or road crews) because we'd bullshit about football or basketball or whatnot, and that made things easier. Now I don't even have that outlet, and poor manz has to hear me raging or crying all the time, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't know how to handle it all.

Sigh. Why can't I go back to the days when I didn't admit I actually had feelings or cared about anything?

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

No Homo aka Pause

Just a story I think you guys will appreciate.

So we have a new guy that started with my union, and most of the people that work with me are chicks. Which has been a bad thing for the most part because I think we know that chicks like to bring out the high drama at noon. But anyway. I was glad it was a dude that started because we need more testosterone in that bitch to help cut the amount of estrogen in that office. When he first started a couple weeks ago, one of the chicks asked me, "Well? Is he cute?" I just stared at her for almost a full minute before responding, "Uh, I guess so, yeah." She walked off, apparently satisfied with my answer.

I sat there in my office for a few minutes thinking to myself, "Why the fuck did she ask me that? Why of all people would she be asking ME if I thought some dude was cute? What the fuck does she think I am?" Then I realized, oh, she thinks I'm a 100% hetero chick with an appreciation for dudes. I mean, since I AM married and all. After THAT I realized that my initial reaction was a total straight dude reaction in similar situations. All like, "Why are you asking me? How the fuck would I know??" The funny thing is, when she asked me the question, I was SO UNCOMFORTABLE while I was trying to figure out how to answer. After all this ran through my head I just sat there in my office and laughed my ass off. Which probably contributed to my coworkers thinking I'm a crazy bitch.

Later on that night, I went home and said to manz, "Gross, can you believe they asked me if the new dude was cute? What the fuck is that about?" He just looked at me for a minute and laughed. Then he says, "I love you."

If anyone's interested, I guess after thinking about it, in conventional terms the dude is a decent looking guy. He's not ugly, I don't think. (Not exactly a ringing endorsement, is it? But what else do you expect from me?)

Monday, February 28, 2011

Viva La Revolucion! TL;DR Current Events Rant

WARNING: For any of you that might not be pro-labor or pro-worker's rights, please stop reading. For any of you that are anti-union, please also stop reading.

So by now those of you that spend any time perusing the news have heard about what Governor Walker is trying to do to public sector worker's rights in Wisconsin. You may also have heard that this cancerous way of thinking is spreading out to Indiana, Ohio, and Michigan, and this sort of legislation has already been introduced here in California.

Let me tell you something about all this that you might not know. Unions brought you child labor laws, and the 5 day work week. Unions have helped spread democracy in their own way as well has given a lot of downtrodden workers a voice and a vote in their future. That's what collective bargaining rights are, the right to vote on whether or not you'll accept certain terms from your employer on wages and benefits, among other things. Many of you probably work in the private sector, where you're given a salary for the work you do, and benefits as dictated by your employer. I'm also sure many of you (manz, for one) bust your asses and get paid less than some people in your office do who fuck off every day. Being unionized means that you get paid what has been previously voted on, and you and your co-workers negotiate the benefits you get. Everyone gets what's fair. And wouldn't it be awesome to be able to vote on whether or not you're okay with the rate of pay you're given? Or how much your employer contributes to your healthcare?

Let's move onto pensions. First of all, a defined benefit where you 100% for sure get money for the rest of your life until you die after you retire is fucking awesome. Most of us in my generation know that social security isn't going to be around for us to take advantage of when we get old enough. But being able to work for years in your chosen career and then know that you're getting a defined amount of money every month...well, I'd say that would take a load of everyone's shoulders when planning for the future. A 401k is some bullshit. It's basically you giving your employer money to gamble on Wall Street. They can decide to make risky decisions or not, but either way it's a gamble. When the stock market crashed, manz lost his almost his entire 401k, and he had several thousand dollars in there. GTFOHWTBS. I'll take a pension any day. And keep in mind people, pensions are paid into by the employee as well, not just the employer. Public employee pensions are not money that they get for free. They contribute as well.

So. Where does that leave us? Well, down here in San Diego, it's pretty damned conservative, and all the local government wants to do is say they've achieved "pension reform" in the county and so now there's this attack on public employees and their benefits. It's some crazy shit, hearing these extreme right wing conservatives talk shit about the very programs they'll be getting a piece of. It's also crazy to hear them talk shit about their employees. I mean, really? Everyone has this idea that government employees are lazy and stupid and sit on their asses all day. Well let me tell you, people do that in every fucking office, no matter where you work. Right now I bet there's some dumbass in your department that doesn't do shit, and you have to pull his/her weight. That's not something that strictly happens in the public sector.

What I do know about public employees is that they're people. Most work hard, some don't. Some get treated well, some don't. They're not all sitting around collecting exorbitant salaries and pensions, though. Most of the ones I know bust their asses. I represented a crew of Public Works guys that got called out 12 times on Christmas Day because of the rain that was happening here. I know social workers who are so overwhelmed and overworked and understaffed that they're working several hours a week overtime without logging that time or getting paid for it. THOSE are the public employees I know about, and I respect them immensely, as well as all the good work they do, because it is them that makes this county a nice one to live in.

Throughout all this, it's nice to know that 4chan/anonymous has been aware and active. They've released  a couple of open letters over the last few days that I believe are worth a serious read. The first is an open letter to the Citizens of the United States of America, talking about the Koch brothers and their funding of the Tea Party as well as the union busting activities in Wisconsin. Today, they've released another awesome open letter to the World, which got me super fired up and made my little activist heart happy. Check that letter out here. To the Koch brothers, FUCK YO' PRODUCTS! Pass the word on and Kochblock the following:

Vanity Fair
Quilted Northern
Angel Soft
Mardi Gras

Figures they'd make shit to wipe your ass on, amirite?

Saturday, February 19, 2011


...The Diora has come BACK!

Having upper respiratory infection + 60 hour work weeks = no blog posting.

However, just a quick one today while I do my laundry on shit I seen this week. Pago posted something on this over at his blog, and I saw this in its entirety a few nights ago. Shit was awesome.

I swear watching this made me mark the fuck out, even after The Rock doing Disney movies.

Can ALL bus stops around the world be like this?

Sunday, February 6, 2011


All the following shit is stuff that will give you guys nerdgasms guaranteed. Well, they SHOULD. If you're a reader of this blog and anything like me then this is the nerdy artfag shit for you.

I believe you have my stapler. Office Space is a classic, and putting Milton in 8 bit is fucking awesome.

Dude...seriously? How the fuck did they get this picture taken? It's fucking awesome! I mean...who woulda thunk of photo idea like this one? Someone who's awesome, that's who.

This shit had be dying. Yes, it's blasphemy, but it's still goddamn hilarious.

Oh em gee, mixing Star Wars and Mario? Genius. Fucking genius.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

^5s: The Last 5 WTF Movies I Watched

So this is a list movies that I have seen in recent history that made me say WTF for one reason or another, which I will explain. Except for one of these movies, I am still not sure how I feel about them. I don't think I hate them but I'm not sure I like them, either. This may require a second viewing.

So I think it might have been iamnotstrange that recommended this to me after I talked about Inception. Maybe? Or maybe it was Pago. Anyway, one of you recommended this since I love Christoper Nolan. After watching this, I think I might like this movie, but I'm not sure. The plot twists were some crazy shit. And while I like to think I'm kind of a smartypants, I did not expect the shit that happened in this movie. No spoiler alerts here, but like I said, the twists that this plot goes through will turn your brain inside out. Maybe I'm not smart enough to appreciate it?

So, since I liked Amelie, my roommate who is a known hardcore movie nerd and pretentious artfag, suggested we watch this movie. All I have to say is WHAT THE FUCK. Seriously, what the fuck. I thought I knew what was going on, and then when the movie was over, I realized I didn't know what the fuck was going on. At least not at the end. I'm not even sure if it had a happy ending or not. And that's not to say that I like happy endings, because I don't appreciate the Hollywood/Disney ending usually, but I am just saying that I have no idea if this movie was trying to go with the happy ending or not.

500 Days of Summer
Okay, so Pago told me that this movie was not some corny ass romantic movie, which  it wasn't. However, I'm not sure what it was otherwise. The tagline for the movie says it's a movie about love, which just sounds bad. I kind of think it was more about relationships. I also kind of think that it was the kind of movie that dudes and chicks can watch together without one of them feeling like they got gypped. Other than that, I am not sure if I liked it or not. I do love Zooey Deschanel, I think she's super hot as I've mentioned in this blog before. I also love love love Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Manz calls him my other manz aka my movie boyfriend.  Maybe what it is, is that I actually secretly liked the movie but am mad that I did and so I'm trying to hate on it? I don't know.

Alice in Wonderland
Okay, I was all mad at first for like the first 2/3 of the movie because this was NOT any of the Alice stories. It was not Alice in Wonderland. It was not Through the Looking Glass. So what the fuck was it? I had a hard time dealing with this issue until I realized "Okay, it's just Tim Burton's version of an Alice story" and then I felt better about it after that. I will say that I did kind of like how he ended up making Alice sort of a strong female character who handled her own business.

The Game
Now this movie is one of those movies that WILL have you saying WTF, because seriously, you're like "What the fuck is going ON up in here?" It's another one of those twisty sort of mindfuck kind of movies, but the way the story was told and the way the movie ended make the movie probably one of the best movies I've seen. This one is a definite must see. 

Sunday, January 30, 2011


Homina, homina, homina. Ya'll know that I'm not partial to blondes, and that I'm an "ass man", however, WHO SAYS NO TO THIS?! RAWR!

Also, seriously Ryan Reynolds? Going from this to Sandra Bullock? This proves you're even more of an idiotic asshole than I thought you were.