Wednesday, June 30, 2010

^5s: 5 Musical Acts I Can't Fucking Stand Anymore

As most of you know, I grew up on old jazz/rhythm and blues, what with being born up in Oakland, and being surrounded by jazz musicians in my formative years. When I got a little older though, I spent time (involuntarily) with my older sister, and oddly enough she was really into rock music. Because I was exposed to so much of it, I ended up liking rock music quite a bit (since after all...aren't rock and blues and jazz so closely related?) and developed my own taste for it when I was in my late teens. At this moment in time most of what I listen to is rock music actually, because I'm so sick of what's considered hip hop and r&b these days. (Yes, I'm aware there's good hip hop out there, but I'm old and tired and its hard to keep up with everything. So if you have suggestions, please, tell me.)


Anyhow, I've noticed that there's a lot of bands that I used to REALLY love and listen to all the time, but somewhere down the line, I stopped listening to them as much, and more recently I discovered that I actually really fucking HATE them now. I'm not sure when love became hate, and I know there's a thin line and all, but seriously, for some of these bands if I hear any of their songs I just want to punch a baby.


You know, when I first heard of them it was in the early to mid 90s, around the time that Blood Sugar Sex Magik was out. At the time and even now I did like this album on the whole, and I know they had 2 releases prior to this album, but to this day I still haven't heard them, and BSSM remains their best album in my mind. I don't know why, and perhaps its because Anthony Keadis is a little too much into the sex and drugs part of being a rock star, but after this album the lyrics of their songs have just gotten worse and worse. I mean I have no idea sometimes what the fuck he's saying in his songs or what the hell the songs are even about. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against obscure lyrics or anything, but seriously, his lyrics are terrible and just getting worse. On top of it all, a lot of the music media for a long time have been thinking that RHCP is like this major classic band, and I'm not so sure that they are, because every album I've heard since BSSM has been pretty terrible. I think the only song of theirs that I can hear at this point without changing the station or skipping the song in iTunes is “Under the Bridge”.



I have always been a tentative fan of the Foo Fighters, partially because I'm not the hugest fan of Dave Grohl. I don't think he's as amazing as everyone else seems to think he is, I mean I give him major credit for being a drummer that can sing, because there aren't a lot of “famous” drummers that can sing, as far as I'm aware there's been Ringo, Don Henley, Phil Collins, and that's about it. Also I'm not sure that this band or even Dave Grohl himself would be as big of a deal had Kurt Cobain not committed suicide. But then again, that's just me, and I'm probably biased since I don't really think he's the shit to begin with. I used to love certain songs of theirs but now every time I hear the first few chords of one of their songs I just want to cut myself.



Y' know, Greenday was cool and all when they first started out, a more modern punk band that was all about fighting the man and whatnot, but seriously, they sold out like a motherfucker. Look at them now, they're so god damn mainstream, and last I heard, punk was most certainly NOT mainstream. Do they ever look back on their history and say to themselves “Wow, we are hardcore sellouts”? Or maybe they just don't give a shit because they're still making money? Whatever the reason, right about now they suck giraffe balls and I wouldn't even bootleg one of their shits.



I'm gonna give an honorable mention on this list to Nirvana. I feel bad talking shit because I know one of the reasons why they exploded everywhere is because Kurt committed suicide and all, and their fame in large part arises from that. I mean, its the same thing with Sublime. I don't know what Kurt was thinking when he pulled that trigger but I'm pretty sure that he wasn't expecting that his band would become as huge as they did. So it's not their fault exactly that like every god damned rock music station in the country has an alternating playlist of the previous bands mentioned above (well maybe minus Lenny) and Nirvana's “Nevermind” album, but man, every time I hear the first few notes of a Nirvana song anywhere I just groan and /facepalm because my GOD, talk about oversaturation.


Oh God, are they EVER just going to stop making music? I mean, they keep coming out with albums and EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN SONG has the same fucking guitar guitar riffs! That drives me up a fucking wall, I swear. It's the same reason (well, one of many) that I cannot fucking stand Linkin Park, because all they do is make the same song over and over again. And please do not tell me that's the fault of people who keep buying their cds because I think we all know at this point that cd buying is not the reason bands keep being allowed to make music. I mean, sure Offspring was new and cool and different and had a unique sound when I first heard them back in '94 but seriously, it's been 16 years and every single song since then has sounded exactly the same. I wish they'd change it up a little bit. I'm sure they roll with the mantra of “If it ain't broke don't fix it” but c'mon, Weezer's done it, they can too.


Last but not least is Lenny Kravitz. You will notice the above is NOT Lenny Kravitz, but instead his super hot daughter, Zoe. I chose to put a picture of her up here because I am sick and tired of seeing half nekkid or almost all the way nekkid pics of Lenny. Anyway, it's really weird because I used to seriously love me some Lenny Kravitz, and in theory I should really love him because he's a great musician, he's a great singer, and he's a colored man kind of breaking paradigms in his genre, well, he was way back when he first started. However, in the last several years for some reason whenever I hear a Lenny Kravitz song (on one of my older random mix cds usually) I just skip it. I don't think I've heard one of his songs in its entirety in years. When I was getting ready to write this post I tried listening to a song of his just to figure out what it is that I can't stand about his music, and I honestly don't know. All I know is that its like rubbing your fingers across a balloon to me now.

However, I don't care that his daughter is underage. She is HOT.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Conversations With...

This is a segment of my blog where I talk about discussions I've had with other people. Or perhaps they're conversations I overheard, or conversations other people have told me they had. But basically, these are all going to be about shit I find interesting or thought provoking or funny in some way.





Me: *reads the text above aloud* Ooh, so does this mean I'm gonna be a superhero??


Manz: *pauses about 10 seconds* Or a supervillain.

I can't decide how I feel about this.

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.
.

Okay, I'll be honest. I'd rather be a supervillain.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Beginning of the Week Pron: Titillating Topless Tarts

I've been feeling pretty under the weather for the last several days, and I can't seem to figure out why that is. I've been trying to get enough sleep although that doesn't seem to be working out for me unfortunately. However, I'm trying everything, and looking at pictures of naked girls always makes me feel better to some degree, so I'm sharing the photos I liked best from around the interwebs.



This girl has to be of Eastern European descent because outside of them, only my girl Gianna has breasts of this shape and size. (This shape and size meaning absolutely perfect.) I'm big on breast to nipple ratio, nipple placement, and shape of breast to determine the awesomeness level of a nice pair. Like for example Honey du Jour? *shudders* No thanks. Although this pose isn't "sexy" per se, I appreciate it because it let us see the true size and shape of her breasts. I hate it when girls try to push them together with their upper arms or turn their bodies so they look more awesome than they are. FALSE ADVERTISING!


I feel that there is a clever caption in the making here but I'm not quite feeling well enough to provide one myself. Okay, I'll be honest, I'm generally just not clever enough to provide clever comments with any consistency. (Wow, I'm feeling all kinds of alliteration today, apparently.) This also is another awesome pose for us to see the size and shape of her breasts. Which I entirely appreciate. She's a wee bit on the skinny side for me, but I'd feed her some cheezburgers.


First off, I love black and white photos. Love them. I don't know why. Second, I love brunettes. This girl is like the perfect size and shape for me, and I'm imagining in my head that she's doing this because she really wants to cook some topless dinner. And I'm definitely down with that.


I can't really make out this girl's face very well, but I think I'm all right with that because I suspect she might be a butterface. This girl is also a very nice size and shape...well, she does look a bit short. I like women that are 5'5" at least because I hate walking next to a girl and feeling like an Amazon queen. I'm 5'8" myself and if I'm wearing heels (which I like to do) then I feel like I'm Godzilla in Tokyo walking next to a girl who's like 5'3".

I think you guys know I'm not partial to blondes, nor am I partial to short hair, but this girl can get it any day of the week. This is what I imagine Christina Hendricks looks like naked, because based on my serious observation of her breasts, I figure they're about this size and shape and width apart. But they're fantastic looking, aren't they?

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Conversations With...


This is a segment of my blog where I talk about discussions I've had with other people. Or perhaps they're conversations I overheard, or conversations other people have told me they had. But basically, these are all going to be about shit I find interesting or thought provoking or funny in some way.

So a couple weeks ago manz and I were chillin' and our roommate had just come back from watching Iron Man and we asked him if he saw the Thor Easter egg at the end of the movie. Of course 'cause he's not a huge comic nerd like us, he hadn't so we were showing it to him, and also talking about how awesome Inception is going to be. Then we were talking about the new Twilight movie trailer, and how he saw the movie in Hillcrest (which is a bug gayborhood out here in SD) and how the boys were going crazy over it. He had no idea of what Twilight even was or the craze about it, so we explained it to him. Finally after our explanation he says, "So...why were there bears in the trailer? I thought you said it was werewolves v. vampires..." and I said, "No, there aren't any bears in the movie, at all, actually" and he starts arguing with me that there are. Manz jumps in and says "NO THERE ARE NO BEARS IN IT" so then we had to go watch the trailer again.
.
.
.
Of course, there are no bears in it.

However, I mentioned this on FB and got an interesting thread out of it:

Me: Why did I just have the DUMBEST argument ever? My roommate just came back from watching Iron Man and was trying to convince me that in the Eclipse trailer there are BEARS. We actually went through the agony of watching the trailer and he SWEARS at the end a werewolf jumped in front of a werebear. REALLY? I mean, REALLY? 

Sarah: What in God's name is a "werebear?" Or was that your question? 

Megan: um, i could have settled this easily. there are no warebears. end of story.

Parris: *deep inhaler suck*
UHM ACTUALLY WEREBEARS AND WEREWOLFS ARE BOTH CREATURES UNDER THE SAME CATEGORY OF LYCANTHROPHY IN DUNGEONS & DRAGONS. 
*wheeze*

Parris: No but seriously there are straight up werebears and weretigers in fantasy novels and stuff, and videogames. Also PFFT TWILIGHT DOESN'T HAVE ANY BEARS! I mean not that I would know or anything.
Me: Sarah, you learn something new every day, right? So guys I told my roommate what you guys said and he says, "NO I NEVER SAID THERE WERE WEREBEARS I SAID THERE WERE BEARS IN THAT MOVIE TRAILER" Which I know there were not. I mean, I had to watch it an agonizing 3 times.
Me: PS. Parris ♥ (You oughta know why)

Sarah: wow.

So now after all THAT, I get an email from my roommate:

Subject: Eclipse Re-examined
Upon closer examination, it turns out that I was right. The below is clearly not a wolf. And by the way, vampire or not, should you really go into battle wearing tight jeans? You can also see the group on the right in a rugby scrum trying to take down another bear. The evidence is mounting. Exhibit B: Irrefutable.
Exhibit C: Undeniable.









I think what I love the most is that he was so dedicated to his cause, he fired up Final Cut, did screengrabs of certain parts of the video, then photoshopped the screengrabs. 

*facepalm*

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Interesting and Awesome Photo of the Day


Because seriously, I don't know about you, but I consider myself both pervy and clever...and I would never have come up with this shit.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Best Practical Joke...EVAR.


Okay, so maybe I love it because it's immature, but that shit is still funny to me.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS

I'm sure most of you have heard all the E3 news, but if you haven't seen this yet 
you need to go get some baby wipes and prepare to jizz in your pants. Watching 
this induced multiple nerdgasms.





I've already been excited about this for over a year now, but this trailer really 
ensures I'll be playing this when it comes out later this year.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Beginning of the Week Pron: For Inspiration, As Requested

So I figured after the requests of more ass, that I should oblige, since I've been holding onto a few of these photos for a while but just haven't posted them for whatever reason. I've kind of found them from all over the web, and I like them all for different reasons, but you guys know I'm an "ass man", so I have a special fondness for a woman with some rump roast. (Then again, if you are built like Gianna, Carmen Hayes [btw, E-Rich, I love her, she's a really cool chick, too] Angel Dark, or a bunch of other fine females that are blessed with both breasts and ass, well I'm not complaining.)


I dunno, in my old age I must be just becoming more conservative or something, because more and more I am finding erotic pictures like this super hot as opposed to a chick with her ass and beef curtains all out. But, I digress. On a artfag level this picture is amazing, and if you like ass, well, its even better. And if on top of all that you like lingerie? (Like myself) This one's a winner in my book.


I picture that this girl is a super naughty hot chick with pig tails and one that cracks her gum all loudly, and you really hate it when she does it, but she's so hot you can't do anything but want to have angry sex with her. You guys know what I'm tombout. I love chicks in roller skates and I'm kinda meh on tats depending on how they're done, but this photo works.


I got over the fetish for fetish a LONG time ago, but I'll be damned if this picture isn't hot on a lot of different levels. I mean, her body is slammin, she's got the perfect pelvic bone to pull this off, and one of my other favorite poses as well (you know the one, the crouching with the knees out, and looking over the shoulder look). And also, well, the licking up the milk is pretty hot, too. And I'm not even into blondes.


Speaking of blondes, how many of you wrestling fans have at some point or another fapped to this chick? I mean manz even admitted feeling some intense love for her, and he told me that in his mind that it was two things about her that really made her stand out, first, her ass of course, and second, her smile. She's got a great smile, but of course that's not what we're looking at, is it?


Oh man, these outfits are always the worst. I had so many porn outfits in wardrobe that I had to deal with, especially when shooting a breast or ass fetish movie, and I got SO sick of them. This was one of them, but I won't lie, those thigh hi leggings really work for this girl, especially because they do such a good job of making her ass cheeks look so...well, rump roast like.


I saved in my opinion, the best picture for last. I swear I must be becoming a pervy old man or something because I'll tell you what, some white cotton panties can be pretty damned hot. But this girls figure is just...perfect, her ass is awesome, she's got a really nice back, and I'll admit, I'm partial to brunettes. Also I think I like this picture because it's like precursor to doggy and it's good for the imagination.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

For Ever: The Decimation of the Cleveland Browns

I hope this makes you feel a LITTLE bit better. Imagine how manz must have felt this whole game. I mean, seriously.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Half Pint Heroes

So artfag nerd that I am, I came across these and was in luuuurve with the artwork. These are pretty amazing and done by this guy named Minga and you can find more of his art here. Definitely worth checking out since I know a lot of you are comic nerds and artfags like me.


All I can think of when I see this one is me watching the show and the movies. "TURTLES IN A HALF SHELL...TURTLE POWER!" Well, let's not bring that up because EVERY TIME I do manz (and on occasion my boy Ian if we're all together) starts singing that lame ass Vanilla Ice rap from the second movie. *rolls eyes&



Can't you hear the old school sad hulk music playing in the background? Emo Hulk is emo.



I love the merc with the mouth. He's awesome. I'm glad they've temporarily scrapped the Deadpool Origins movie because Ryan Reynolds defected to DC. Maybe they can just do a real movie and get Jon Favreau to direct it or something.



This actually in a weird way reminds me of Kingdom Come, because you know how at the end when they're chillin in a coffee shop and Clark and Diana try to spring a surprise on Bruce? (Which fails) Seeing them three together like this being young reminded me that they stay close as they get older.



I love the look on Logan's face like he's trying to figure out whether or not he really likes the blood on his claws. Of course we know he does, but its still kind of cute in a way.



I wanted to dress up as Harley Quinn for Halloween so bad a few years ago before manz moved out here, but didn't know anyone who'd go as the Joker or maybe Poison Ivy. And then by the time he moved out here the movies were out and every one and their mom (or dad I guess in this case) went as the Joker. So lame. But isn't this an awesome picture?



HAD to save the best for last. I love the maniacal glee on his face. Just what I imagined he looked like as a child.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

FINISH HIM!

Mortaaaaaal Kombaaaat!

Of course I played and loved those games at the arcade when they first came out, and more recently some of the releases on console, but most video game movies have sucked big hairy giraffe balls. (Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li, anyone?) However, this morning I was late to work JUST so I could finish watching this trailer.



Word on the street (aka internets) is that it's a short along the lines of what Robert Rodriquez initially did for Frank Miller. Basically - please let me do this movie, check out how awesome it could be. It's pretty much the best application for a job I'VE ever seen, that's for sure. It's nerdgasmic, and honestly...7 of 9 as Sonya Blade...HOMINA HOMINA HOMINA


Monday, June 7, 2010

The Avengers + The X-Men = Epic Win

So, one day a few weeks ago, manz and I were talking about Madden and I was asking him about fantasy drafting and the limits on it. This came up because we were trying to put together a team with Chris Johnson on it for me to play and it just wasn't working because he's the 1st pick of the draft, and I think you guys know how hard it is to get the first pick. Anyhow, he told me that we COULD get Chris Johnson and pretty much whoever the hell else I wanted if we just lifted the salary restrictions. Then he says to me, "Well, a lot of people consider it cheating, but it'd be fun to put together a team of whoever we want...", so I asked him to do it. We put one together I started telling my boy Ian about who we drafted the other day and he was saying it's basically like the Avengers and the X-Men coming together and forming this omgsuperawesomeamazing team. However the one thing manz said that we had to do was play on All-Pro, because it wouldn't be fair to have an amazing team but play on Rookie or Pro, not to mention that it'd be way too easy and I'd get bored pretty quickly.


Here's our roster if you're interested:


Offense:
Peyton Manning
Chris Johnson
Deangelo Williams
Jerome Harrison
Lousaka Polite
Brandon Marshall
Desean Jackson
Wes Welker
Percy Harvin
Antonio Gates
Zach Miller
Joe Thomas
Kris Dielman
Nick Mangold
Jahri Evans
Michael Oher

Defense:
Jared Allen
Dwight Freeney
Vince Wilfork
Brodrick Bunkley
Shaun Phillips
Patrick Willlis
Elvis Dumervil
Darrelle Revis
Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie
Quintin Jammer
Ed Reed
Troy Polamalu

Special Teams:
Josh Cribbs
Nate Kaeding
(And some punter, but we never fucking punt, 'cause fuck that!)


Today we played the Chiefs and I had to take a picture of the score at the end, because well, fuck the Chiefs. 




And also, I am on a mission with Chris Johnson. Manz' best friend since high school is all pissed off and jealous 'cause when they used to play Madden together manz was the QB and his best friend was the RB. I love playing the RB position myself so he was talking all kinds of shit about how awesome he is with Adrian Peterson and how he's ALL DAY at like 7 yards a carry on All Pro. Well, I said fuck that shit, and decided that I was gonna use Chris Johnson and get to 7 yards or more a carry on All Pro just to rub that shit in his face. I won't lie, I mean, of course I play a speedback best 'cause I'm not that good at busting some crazy jukes out, but then again, this is my first whole season and I've only been playing for like 5 months. And his best friend's been playing since like 1999. Still, he can check this shit out and SUCK IT! *does the DX crotch chop*




Sunday, June 6, 2010

58008

The title of this post is so retarded and from the 3rd grade. I personally don't actually find it funny anymore, (well, not usually) but I always think its funny when OTHER people find it funny. I know, I'm weird.

But anyway, I figure a good way to start a week is by seeing something that really inspires you. And let's admit, there's not much that's more inspiring than seeing some sexy girl parts. Now, most of you know that I'm not a huge fan of tits. I mean, I appreciate them, and I certainly appreciate the opportunity to have motorboated Gianna Michaels, but the lack of large breasts is by no means a dealbreaker for me. Plus, I find a great ass much more fun. And you don't get caught as much staring at a great ass as opposed to staring at a girl's rack.


I love the big tit Japanese girls. Whenever someone tells me that Asian chicks are flat, I point them towards Bachelor magazine, where you see a lot of pictures like this one. My roommate subscribes to it and he just showed me a pic last night of this chick with this enormous tits but she's got that small Asian frame. It's crazy.


Ya'll know that I do love me that cheesecake pinup style. I love this one because this woman is built like the pinup models from yesteryear. Great breasts, great nipple to breast ratio, not too skinny, and natural looking. And, well, we can kid ourselves that perhaps she might actually know how to play chess, too. (Which I would find super sexy, but then I'm a nerd like that.)


This one is in the same vein as the last one. She's got the smallest breasts of this bunch, but they still seem to be shaped nicely. After all my time in porn I appreciate erotic pictures like this much more than a chick spreading her legs. I mean, its just SO much sexier seeing something like this. Plus it makes me feel like that I'm looking at this hot girl and she made me coffee and a scone after last night.



I'm not entirely sure if this is the same chick as the first one. I realize I sound like I'm racially profiling my own people here, but I'm really not. A lot of the big tit models do A LOT of photo shoots and plus, her breasts seem to be shaped the same as the first chick. Anyway, the mental picture for me on this one is that I was in the library and I see this girl and she's all like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm a little lost...can you help me?" *cue porno music*

Yeah, I'm a dork. *shrugs*

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Conversations With...

This is a segment of my blog where I talk about discussions I've had with other people. Or perhaps they're conversations I overheard, or conversations other people have told me they had. But basically, these are all going to be about shit I find interesting or thought provoking or funny in some way.


So, this differs from a normal "Conversations With" in that its something that I don't think is funny but I'm pretty sure  you guys would. Or some of you would. But anyway, the other day my roommate (who also used to work in pron, but as a director...in fact he's the director I used to work for) pulls this shit on me:


Him: *runs over excitedly* Duuuuude, you HAVE to check your email. 
Me: What, right now?
Him: Yes, right now...you HAVE to see this.
Me: Fine. *thinks back on all the great links of pictures or video booty he's shown me and opens email*
Him: *waiting expectantly*
Me: *sees email with attachment called "freak in tight jeans shorts" and clicks*
.
.
.
*sees this photo*




Me: Aw, man, you DICK!