Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Been Around the World (Part 3?)

This segment of my blog is dedicated to random happenings and places I've been recently. Just like the rest of this blog, its really just about shit that makes me laugh.

So, at my job I hired 3 young dudes as my minions, and the other day when I was at lunch, I saw one of them drive down the street past me, bust a bitch, and then park in the spot below between the Corolla and the Tacoma. He got out, looked at his car, shrugged, and then walked back to the building. I almost spit out my food. Also, you can't tell but his car is not in any way parallel to the curb. The shit was sticking out into the street.

This picture was taken last weekend. I was at Morley Field with the South Park crew, (holla, everyone's food was noms, especially Mundo's tri tip...that shit was stuffed with garlic, marinated overnight and slow cooked for 6 hours. OM NOM NOM!) Anyway, so we were chilling at the park on Sunday afternoon (that randomly reminded me of Lighter Shade of Brown) and we saw these dudes LARPing. Well, they said they weren't LARPing, just getting their exercise, but y'know, I'm a nerd too, and I know what's what. My girl Money and I decided to throw down with some fake swords, too, but I'm not posting that shit on here.

I first saw this driving through La Jolla. When manz and I saw it for the first time, he was all, "Oh shit! It's Jesus' Fortress of Solitude!" I DIED. Every time I see this shit now, all I can think of is Jesus flying through the air with the Superman theme song playing.

My roommate was brushing the cat last week, and there was a pile of hair on the ground, and he picks it up and says, "Look, its my cat hair codpiece!" I was laughing so hard I was crying, and my hand was shaking like crazy trying to take this picture.

Lastly, but not least, down in the South Park/Golden Hill area of San Diego, there's this barber shop:

Does he cut hair with the Force, or a light saber? Inquiring minds want to know.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Vinnie Jones Is A Badass

So, last weekend me, manz and our roommate were watching Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels again because we wanted to watch something funny and violent while we were having dinner (What else do you watch during dinner? I mean, seriously.) We ended up talking about the various cast members in the movie, and my roommate told me that Vinnie Jones kind of had a bad rep for being a dick when he was still playing soccer. Today he showed me this picture:

I don't know what's better, the fact that Vinnie grabbed this guy's balls because he was talking shit, or the expression on this guy's face.

Monday, March 29, 2010

President of the United States of Geekdom

I don't care what your politics is, Obama holding a Thundercats sword and buying a Star Wars pop up book is fucking awesome.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

End of the Week Pron: The Breasticle Edition

As promised, from around the interwebs!

Now, as much as I like the rump roast, I have to say that I can also appreciate a pair of full, nicely shaped, breasts from time to time. I found these intriguing.

I love how happy she is about concealing her nipples. Its like, "YAY NIPPLES!"

Time and again when I hear people talk like Asian girls can't have a rack, I gotta show them pictures like this. Because trust me, there are MANY Japanese girls who are more than a D.

I think if I could choose to have any type of breasts in the world, I'd choose either a Hungarian or Czech girl's tits. Just look at all the Euro pornstars there are from there and tell me they don't have the world's best shaped breasts. Seriously.

That right there is super sexy to me. Well, minus the belly ring. The belly ring says "Stupid sorority trashy stuck up bitch".

These are a very nice pair. I bet she's pretty, too. Or maybe she's horrendously ugly, hence the pose.

I liked this girl the best. The dark hair, the light eyes, that chest, the tan, all of it is awesome to me. If she had a bubble butt she'd be perfect.

Her tits look even better here, because you can really see the whole shape and fullness. They're like round soft hershey kisses.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I Luh Sex Shops. Seriously.

So, a couple of nights ago, manz and I had decided that before we went all hardcore healthy for the wedding (it's next month) that we'd have to at least have a good (aka bad for us) meal before we entered the land of hippies and vegetables. We decided on pizza and there's an awesome pizza place near my apartment, makes all their dough by hand, no artificial ingredients, etc etc. We walked there to pick it up, and on the way back, we went on the opposite side of the street that we had walked up. I noticed that there was a sex shop on that side of the street and told manz that I wanted to go in.

(Sidenote: I have this weird fascination with going into sex shops when I can. One, I like to see the fruits of my labor, aka the movies I've either helped make or market and sell, and two, I also like to see how many stereotypes I'll find. Plus I like checking out all the new toys they have out, and nothing makes me want to have a penis more than when I'm in a sex shop. Seriously. And oh yeah, that lube up there is the best there is. Pornstar tested and approved.)

Anyway, so I asked manz if he wanted to come in with me, or if he wanted to wait outside. I thought he'd want to wait outside, (Midwestern sensibilities and all) but he surprised me by saying he'd come in with me. So we walked in and immediately I noticed that this sex shop was oriented mostly towards gay men, with a few things here and there for straight men and women. When I walked in, I looked at the guy behind the counter and said, "I figured I'd come in, since you already saw me being a creeper outside and all" and he replied, "Nah, you would have been a creeper if you never came in. Do you need any help finding anything or with anything? Do you have any questions about toys and lube?" The moment this comment left his mouth I had to suppress hysterical laughter, and I glanced at manz to see if he was going to say anything. He's usually the smartass and he does on occasion like to take people by surprise by telling them what industry I've worked in. Shockingly, he had the blandest face possible on and didn't even look my way.

The guy at this point had come out from behind the counter and was really asking if I needed anything, probably because he saw me totally floundering (without knowing why, of course) and so I said, "Actually, do you guys have pocket rockets?" (Hey, they're really the best, guys. Forget all those elaborate toys, a pocket rocket is a girl's best friend. For real.) So the guy started showing me their pocket rockets, and going on about the different kinds, and about lube, and I just was dying inside, just WAITING for manz to say something. I kept looking at him, and he kept sort of swaying back and forth, swinging his arms around, kind of. Finally when the guy mentioned pricing, I said, "Yeah, I don't actually know how much any of these've always kind of gotten them for free, you see, I work in the business...but I'm not at a place right now where I can get toys." At that point I was actually uncomfortable because the whole time I was just waiting for manz to burst out with something, and he never did. So I mumbled something about coming back later and we walked out.

Now, I think you guys know already, or if you don't know, I am not exactly a shy person, and I'm certainly never afraid to discuss that I've worked in porn. I'm also pretty foul mouthed too (as you can tell). But my confusion at manz complete lack of reaction in there was just so overwhelming, and nothing's worse than waiting expectantly for something to happen and it doesn't happen. So when we walked out, we walked for about 10 feet and finally I just burst out with, "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?!?!?! I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO SAY SOMETHING THE WHOLE TIME!!! I FIGURED YOU WERE GOING TO MAKE SOME KIND OF SMARTASS REMARK OR JOKE, AND YOU JUST LEFT ME HANGING! WTF!"

Manz just said, "Look, I was just having problems focusing in there, I couldn't find a safe place to look...there were GIANT RUBBER COCKS EVERYWHERE! EVERYWHERE I LOOKED THERE WAS A HUGE RUBBER COCK! I was overwhelmed! You know I'm totally cool with the gay, (that's what we call gay men and women because my idiotic dad says that and we think its funny in a stupid way) but even my own comedic brilliance suffers when I'm surrounded by so much COCK for God's sake!"


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Return of .5 of the Rock & Sock Connection

In case you were wondering, its just the Sock part. Anyway, those of you Daily Show watchers will already have seen this, but if you haven't seen this yet you really need to check it out. Jon Stewart had Wyatt Cenac and Mick Foley talk about how politics is just like professional wrestling. Now, I admit that at first I was like OMGNOWAI but then I was like OMGWTF. Check it!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
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Daily Show
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Doesn't it all totally make sense now? This explanation would make political shenanigans all okay for me if it wasn't for the fact that these people are kinda like, you know, running our country and all.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

WTB Venom Symbiote, plskthx

Now tell me that doesn't look fucking awesome.

Today my minions were killing me with their youngin'-ness. I know when I was in my teens I thought I knew everything, then I got to my twenties and realized I didn't at that time, but that I was pretty sure I knew what was up at that point. Right at this moment, I'm kinda convinced I was an idiot this whole time.

But if I may be hateful for a moment: currently I supervise 3 basically upper class sheltered white boys that are all 21/22 years of age. Today they were being ig'nint and acting like dummies and I really wanted to bring on the Venom Symbiote and bust out a psychic scream that would have made them all commit seppuku on the spot. And I totally would have filmed it for you guys, 'cause you know that would be awesome. Don't you ever say I don't love you guys. Seriously.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Bitches: They Be Trippin

As most of you know, I am normally saddened by the state of womanhood today, but this really takes the cake. And makes bunny cry.

Really ladies? REALLY?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Batman Through The Ages

This is so fucking awesome that I am going to have this printed on canvas, and put it up on my wall next to my Jim Lee poster of Batman, and my framed Gotham Times.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Midweek Pron: The Booty Edition

I always wonder if some of you are more into breasts and just say to yourself, "My god, does she ever post pics of anything else but ass?" Yes, I do, but today is not one of those days. It is, however, a day for artsy pron.

Man, I would love to put a fork into that and have it for dinner, knowwhati'msayinnn?

This woman's body is amazing. She is so fit, I love it. Mostly I like women on the thicker side and softer, but I can't help but admire the combination of soft and hard here, you know?

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Conversations With...

This is a segment of my blog where I talk about discussions I've had with other people. Or perhaps they're conversations I overheard, or conversations other people have told me they had. But basically, these are all going to be about shit I find interesting or thought provoking or funny in some way.

This one was a convo between myself, manz, and our boy Ian during the Superbowl. We were commenting on how Dwight Freeney was able to play even though his ankle had recently been injured, and all three of us were speculating on how he had accomplished that. Most of these were interplay between Ian and manz, because through most of it I was dying and couldn't breathe.

Ian: Oh, I know, to figure out how to make his ankle better, he must have had a sword and put it up to his face and said, "Sword of omen, give me sight beyond sight!"
Manz: Nah, what he really said was, "Ancient forces of evil, transform this decayed body into Mumm Ra the Everliving!"
Ian: Or, he dipped his ankle in the River Styx.
Manz: I think he contacted the ghost of Pat Morita, who clapped his hands & rubbed them together on his ankle and it was healed.
Ian: No, no, he was training w/ a sword, he cut off the trainer's sword & said "There can be only one!" then was struck by lightning.
Me: No, he did have a sword but he went up the side of a mountain with his cat, and then he said, "By the Power of Grayskull!" and his cat turned into a Battle Cat and he was suddenly totally ripped AND his ankle was all healed.
Ian: Or maybe he put his ankle in the Lazarus Pit.

We ran the gamut of so much nerd culture here, it was pretty much out of control. We never did decide what Dwight Freeney actually did to make his ankle better, though.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

:O aka Awesome Shit I Seen On the Interwebs Today

I loved OK Go's first video/song that made it big "Here We Go Again", with the treadmills, that shit was crazy inventive and awesome. This video = also crazy inventive and awesome.

Stop Motion Lego Star Wars? Nerdgasm.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Some Thought Provoking Shit On A Tuesday

So I guess taking the Lord's name in vain would be saying YWH?

(Jesus and Russians apparently are too awesome for vowels.)

Monday, March 1, 2010

I Love Salma Hayek, But Who Doesn't, Other Than Communists

Now I think ya'll know I'm normally an "ass man". However, I will never say no to a nice pair of breasts. They don't have to be big, just well shaped and perky. I think Salma Hayek's certainly fit that bill. Also, I had no idea what Campari was till this advertising campaign. Apparently its one of the "bitters" family of alcohol, similar to Jagermeister. Who knew?

God bless pushup bras. Seriously.