Friday, December 4, 2009


So this segment of my blog, which may or may not happen on Fridays, and may or may not happen weekly, is about the things I happen to be angry about that week. The things I'm angry about any given week, or day, for that matter, are numerous and sundry, as I'm sure any of you who either A: know me personally or B: have read this blog know quite well.

It's been almost 2 weeks since I posted here, because I was having a kind of emo sort of moment. I'm having a hard time finding a new job, especially one within my field. Of course things will be different once I actually get my Master's, but I'm finding more and more reasons to leave my current job. Which puts me in a bind because I won't be graduating for 6 months. I haven't had to actually search for a job for several years - the good thing about working in porn is the fact that it's a very small community, so it's easy to get work. And no, I don't want to continue working in porn. And it's not that I don't like porn, because I do, I love it. Its just that working in porn isn't what you think it is. Watching porn all day does NOT mean you get to watch all the chicks you like fucking your clone all day. It means having to watch all the gross fetish stuff you don't like, the type of sex you don't like, and worst of all, a combination of the two - in my case, low class whores with ass herpes fucking older men with hairy assholes. If you had to sit there for 8 hours a day watching that shit all day, you wouldn't think watching porn was an awesome job, either. (However, where can I sign up for a job watching only my favorite porn chicks fucking a clone of me all day? That's what I'm tombout!)

So, turns out finding a job in my field, Mediation/Conflict Resolution is a lot harder than I thought it might be (again, especially with no Master's.) It sucks because I don't know anyone, and this is the first time I've had to job hunt for a while like I said, AND because it's like getting a job for the first time in your life. Why? Because you HAVE NO EXPERIENCE. All these awesome jobs doing things I want to do are out there, and not ONE PERSON will even have me interview because I've got no professional experience in the field. SO frustrating. Most of the jobs in the field I'd like have to do with helping what they call "at risk children/teens" aka "kids who live in the hood" not fall into the hood lifestyle, or take up with gangs. I want to do work in the underrepresented communities to help people who NEED help. I want to help people come together and help people of different nationalities who have to live in the same neighborhoods learn how to respect each other's lives and cultures.

Lastly it just seems like random shit that isn't necessarily great keeps happening. I haven't had a piece of good news in a while, and I feel like I'm due. I know my life doesn't suck BALLS right now, by any means. I'm much happier in most ways than I've been in a long time. But man, can't a sista catch a break here?

And, oh yeah, I got to hear from my family this week, too. Nothing like a maniacally crazy family tracking your ass down and contacting you to really just fill you up with holy holiday spirit. Or in my case, filling you up with rage and homicidal desire.

Anyway, I guess what took me out of the funk was the very simple idea that I have to keep remembering every so often. It's really all about attitude and your perspective on things. I can be pissed off and frustrated and depressed simultaneously like I have been for the last couple weeks, (and c'mon, I'm we really need that combination when I'm already overly aggressive and violent?) or I can decide to be happy about the things I have and try not to feel like hulking out every time my boss acts like a passive aggressive biatch. I'm gonna try and stay positive and see if this works. If not, don't be surprised when I show up on the news.

PS. Anonymous person who said "more posts" - this one was for you.

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