Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween: Have a Trick!

The sex having lady kind, I mean. But because it's Halloween, I have to show you guys a random screenshot I saw the other day that really freaked me out. I mean, she looks like she is gonna bite this dude's cock RIGHT OFF.




Oh, and also, because it is Halloween and all, a holiday I actually kinda like, any of you kids from the 80s (or emo kids) will appreciate this:

Friday, October 30, 2009

FUCK YO' FRIDAY: FUCK YO' SIZE 0!

Because of the wedding in 6 months, I'm trying my damndest to get back down to a reasonable size after all my medical issues. But FUCKING HELL it is hard. Manz and I started portioning our meals, eating 5 times a day, not eating after 7, and of course, no starches. And I started teaching him Tae Kwon Do. Since well, for those of you that may not know me as well, Tae Kwon Do runs in the family, and my dad used to compete and has been teaching for like 30 years. I got my black belt (after failing once, quite miserably in front of a lot of people) when I was 15, and taught till I was about 22, but haven't trained actively since I was about 25. It's pretty painful getting back into it, but I think martial arts is the best workout. But then I'm obviously biased.

Anyhow, what does this all have to do with today's Fuck Yo' Friday? Well, because I certainly do not plan on being a size 0, but going down to about an 8/10, which is about where I was before all the issues happened. As you all know, I'm not a fan of small women, or skinny women, so its not attractive to me. Its even lamer that people still seem to feel that skinny is hot, but whatever. Meat on the bones is a good thing, and it always will be in my book. And so I give you more rump roast for your mental digestion:

Thursday, October 29, 2009

*DEAD*

There is no other reaction you will have when you see these videos. My boy Pago already knows of them 'cause I shared them with him, but this Frenchie, Remi Gaillard, is a fucking comedic genius. Pago put it that it's like candid camera and jackass had a love child, and it totally is, but so much better. Manz and I laughed our asses off to this, and the ones below actually made us CRY. I first saw the Bat video, and it went on from there.


The best part is when he's at the gas station.


This shit is so random and funny to me, especially his shoes, check out his shoes.


I played Mario Kart a few times so don't 100% remember it all, but this was still hysterical.

Saved the best for last:

Dude, this one, I was DYING. If you have EVER played pac man, your head will explode from all the comedy in this video. Srsly.

Thursday Pron: WTF is this BS?

Do you guys like how overwhelmed I was by the outpouring of gayness earlier this week that for 3 days I couldn't even do a post in this blog? Jesus. Anyhow, to compensate for the gayness, I have to fill the rest of the week with porn.

Anyway, I love how when girls get into the business at first, they have no idea how to pose or make face. I laughed my ASS OFF when I saw these because of how NOT sexy I think they are.


She doesn't look sexy at all in this one, as a matter of fact it looks like she's about to tell you she's got a headache and wants to go to bed. Despite the fact that she's topless.



Okay, and on this one? Why does she look like she's giving herself a breast exam? I mean, I know what I said about appreciating the boobies this month and all, but REALLY. Girls giving themselves breast exams is not really that sexy. I mean, girls touching their own boobies is hot, but not when they're looking for malignant lumps of cancer.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Monday Gayness: TL;DR Inc!

Those of you who haven't been spending time with me IRL in the last couple of months might want to skip this post due to its TL;DR nature.


A warning that this post is full of the gay.


So in the last few months I've been experiencing a lot of good and bad things in my life and in regards to friends, and learning a lot about myself and how I relate to other people. I found that for a long time I used to have this very strong belief that I can only be friends with someone if I have stuff in common with them - kind of a male belief when you think about it, because men traditionally need to have things in common with their friends so that way they can get together to do things, like play video games, watch the game, play sports, etc. Women generally can maintain friendships over long distances because all they need to do is to be able to talk and connect with each other, but men need to bond over activities that they do together.

Since as I think most of you know, I'm not very feminine, I held a bit too strongly to the belief that I could never make friends with someone who didn't like comics, sports, video games, the tv shows and movies I liked, or someone who didn't read the same books. It took me some time to realize that if I truly AM on the path to (or at least trying to be) self realization, then what I need is to NOT stay stagnant and in my comfort zone. Making friends with people who like different things than you do challenges your thoughts, beliefs and perceptions. Which is ultimately a good thing and makes you a more well rounded individual. Which is also something I'm trying very hard to be.

I also have always felt the need to make snap judgments on people and size them up right away. Admittedly, this is because I've come from the school of hard knocks, where its every man for himself, and fuck everyone else. Those of you that know me know why this is, and I've been trying really hard to be more objective when I meet people, instead of instantly prejudging them. It's taken a lot of time, and I think manz has been the hardest campaigner for this, because he's always emphasized, as he did again on Saturday night, that you size people up and judge them immediately when you perceive them to be ENEMIES. And that not everyone right off the bat should be judged as such, especially not if I ever plan on having amicable relations with them. I believe that I'm almost always right in my judgments, (you kind of have to be when you grew up like I did, otherwise you don't survive) but there has been one time, most recently, where I was so, so, SO wrong, and I've never been happier to be.

When my boss first hired the new girl at my job I was both glad and pissed. Glad because misery loves company, and pissed because according to him, said girl was kinda a friend and he'd known her for a few years. I girded myself up for battle the first day she arrived. With my previous mode of thinking, I sized her up, deemed her to be WAY too peppy an individual, and believed that she spied on me all day for my boss. After about a month of seeing her 4 days a week, for 8 hours a day, I realized she was actually pretty nice.

Fast forward a few months to last Saturday night. Manz and I were on our way home after spending the whole evening hanging out with our wedding photographer, her boyfriend, their tenants, and Stef and her besty Megan. It started out as a contract signing, and ended up being a really awesome night hanging with amazing people. It was such a grown up get together, I couldn't believe it. Good music, good wine, good people, GREAT discussions. (Ranging from poo talk to a discussion of semiotics.) During the night, Erin, our photographer, (who Stef referred us to) ended up calling Stef Miss South Park (yes, they actually live in a town called South Park) because she's so popular. Anyhow, on our way home I was musing on all the things I just said, and noted that Stef has become a really great friend, and that I was so glad I hadn't been too much of a suspicious bitch with her, and that she put up with the suspicious bitchiness enough to get through to actually becoming a friend. Manz noted that the reason why I liked Stef so much, and most likely the reason why she's Miss South Park is because she has so many of the characteristics of a good person and a great friend...which is so true. And as they say, birds of a feather flock together, and every one of her friends I've had the opportunity to get to know have ended up being awesome, too.

I'd like to shout those people out here, too, in no particular order:

Melody: I'm really sad you're leaving, but I know you really need to and plus I think it will really help rejuvenate you. But I'm hoping when you get back we can watch movies together and you can bake cake for me. :D (I'll make you Korean BBQ, it'll be a fair trade)

Megan: Brad and I have decided that what's so awesome about you is your belief in your own awesomeness. Well that, and your being an asshole with fat kid mentality. I can SO get down with that. And also I'm glad Stef volunteered your help for the wedding, because I know I'll need it.

Amanda: Team Gimp represent! The other night when you mentioned not going out much to restaurants because you don't have anyone to go with - that's so going to end when we move down there, because there's nothing Brad and I love more than finding new restaurants that are yummy and cheap. Prepare yourself.

Shellie: You've been so sweet and supportive of me and understanding of the bullshit with my parents, and honestly I wish my mom was half as awesome as you are. Seriously.

Shawn: You sir, are great, but you should totally be less crazy when you've been drinking. And you should totally recognize more often how great your mom is.

Dayna: I was glad I stayed a bit to talk to you last week at dinner at the Station. Knowing another chick from the hood is fucking awesome and I hope we get to hang more often.

Kristy: Obviously awesomeness runs in your family, and I look forward to going boyfriend hunting with you in Hillcrest, as well as taking you on as my paduwan when we move.

Last but not least, Stef:
I'll just repeat that STEVE has done one thing right in hiring you and I'm so glad he did. Thank you SO SO SO much for being a friend and introducing me to your friends and also of course for being such an awesome decision maker as the wedding gets closer.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

AMGG A-TEAM!!!!!

At first I wasn't too keen on the idea of the A-Team remake because I FUCKING LOVED THAT SHOW when I was a kid. But this picture had me squealing like a little girl with excitement. I hope it's good, and I'll even overlook that it's being directed by Joe Carnahan. (Who directed Smokin' Aces...which wasn't great.)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

End of Week Pron: Ride 'Em



I'm sure there are all sorts of clever remarks one could make here, but I'm kinda at a loss for words, myself.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Totally Nerdtastic & Nerdgasm Inducing Parking Lot Design



How come I never live anywhere where people create such amazing buildings? WHY, DAMNIT WHY! *throws hands in air, falls to knees in rain*

And oh yeah, I've read 5 of the 7 books I can read the titles of. *flexes nerd muscles*

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

BELATED FUCK YO' FRIDAY: FUCK YO' COVERT RACISM!



(Okay so it's Tuesday, but I started writing this on Friday, so it counts!)

This segment of this blog that I do mostly every Friday is about whatever I happen to be particularly angry about that week. Today's Fuck Yo' Friday is about covert racism, which REALLY pisses me off. I'd much rather have someone be a racist, ignorant motherfucker to my face rather than behind my back. I'd much rather have someone call me a fucking chink or jap (but try to get your racial slurs right people, I'm a GOOK) rather than talk about "those fucking orientals" behind my back and smile in my face when they see me.

Racism is awful in general, but even more so when you realize that people you are directly related to are more racist in ways you can't even imagine. Because of my impending marriage to manz, I've had to deal with some shit from my father primarily about the fact that he doesn't approve of interracial relations.

SIDEBAR:
I'm not speaking to my father, and he's not invited to the wedding. Honestly, I'll walk my own damn self down the aisle. Symbolically, women getting married are walked by their fathers down the aisle (or another male relative) because this male relative is supposed to be the person who's been most supportive throughout their lives, and this person gives them away to the groom. However, my parents being as crazy and horribly dysfunctional (although dysfunctional doesn't even BEGIN to cover it, trust me) as they are, they've never done anything but shit on me and try to hold me down through a variety of pretty terrible things they've said and done. Everything I am right now, everything I've accomplished, (however dubiously I might feel about them being actual accomplishments, but that's another story) is because of ME and me alone. I took the SATs and ACTs on my own volition. I took AP classes in High School of my own volition. I filled out all my financial aid documents and college applications ON MY OWN. I put myself through college (it took 11 years because I had to work full time to support myself starting from 17), got my degree, and have since been putting myself through grad school. And did they ever support me? No. And when pops met manz for the first time, what did he have to say to him? That there are two things he hates most in this world: "the gay" (yes, he said "the gay" as if its some sort of disease) and interracial relationships. Fuck that. It's not up to him to approve or disapprove. So until things change drastically in the next 6 months, our wedding will be drama and family-free. On that note, just to be gleefully spiteful, I almost wish I were a guy, so that way our wedding would be both gay AND interracial.
/END SIDEBAR

So, I guess you can understand that when I saw this story, I was PISSED. Are you fucking serious? REALLY? REALLY? You're not going to perform interracial marriages because of some fucked up racist beliefs that you have? Fuck you. And fuck your covert racism. It's not up to ANYONE to decide who should or should not get married in this country except for those people wishing to get married. It's not up to anyone else to decide these things for you. Whatever your cultural background, sexual preference, you should be allowed to mary who you want, when you want.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

^5s: Kingdom Come - Old Fogey Edition

So being the artfag and comic book nerd that I am, a few weeks ago I came across some pretty amazing artwork that I found great on so many different levels. Now while we all have read Kingdom Come about a million times and thought how awesome a job Mark Waid and Alex Ross did, (sidenote, Alex Ross is a dick. I wanted some of his art so bad at Comic Con but that shit was MAD overpriced. Asshole.) I never thought of looking at superheroes in a geriatric light. But Donald Soffriti apparently has. Here were my top 5 favorite pieces he did, and if you want to see more, here's his blog.


It's hysterical how OLD Galactus looks, and Silver Surfer looks even older, almost mummy-like. It cracked me up that Galactus has got snot and drool on his face too. I'd be scared to see how monstrous his gut looks at that age.


What I want to know is, how old is Wally West here? Or Bart? If they can time travel and beat laws of physics does this mean that this Flash is centuries old to look this old? I was never good at math but what I DO know is that it'd be amazing to have super speed when you have to take a dump in a hurry. When the Poo Gremlin lets you know its time to go, you'd better go like, 5 mins ago.


I think what I like most about this one is that I always thought that Tony Starks would be a debonair sort of older guy. Which I suppose sort of fits with this look. I think the cigar really does the trick.


Now this just makes me SAD. I mean, I always pictured Bruce being old like in Kingdom Come or even Batman Beyond. But this is just SHAMEFUL. (And is that Damian? He really let himself go.)


Of COURSE Logan just looks the same but with greyer hair. But the corks are a nice and hysterical touch.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

OMG HAWT CYLON CHICKS~!!!!111!!



...

*faints*

Okay yeah, so they can stand to eat about 10 cheeseburgers each, but hey, hot chicks showing skin is a good thing, yes? Not to mention they're like totally nerdgasm inducing.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Movie Poster Mashups - Moar Artfaggotry

So I was browsing the internets the other day and found these movie poster mashups a bunch of people had done. I forget where I saw it but there were a fuck ton of them. I just took out the ones I liked best:


This made me laugh my ASS off. Especially because I don't particularly find any of these women very attractive. Could one of them lick my figurative balls? Sure, but if I had the chance I wouldn't put a whole bunch of effort into hitting them up.


I'm sure it's obvious why I liked this one, because what movie nerd and all around nerd doesn't want to see a mashup of Kubrick and Lucas?


I thought this one was extraordinarily clever and well done. It takes creativity to think of something like that.


I saved the best for last, but I think this too was also well done. It's subtle but really good.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Pron For A Monday: Ms. Fat Booty

Something to start the week off right.



I don't know about you, but personally I'd stick a fork in this rump roast and dig right in.

Friday, October 9, 2009

FUCK YO' FRIDAY: FUCK YO' DAY JOB!



This week I feel like the kitteh above. The worst thing about my job situation is that I feel so pissed off and angry, and feel like "Fuck, I gotta do something to get out of this mess!" but the problem is, I AM doing something, (like my internship and school) but it's just taking too long. I have either until December (if my internship peeps hire me) or until April (when I graduate) till I can just say:



I think the issue I'm having is waiting. I can be patient at times, and I realize it's a virtue, but most days its really hard to say to myself, "Its okay, this is all temporary, just maintain" because all I can envision is beating my boss all upside his head with one of these:

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Hate Crime Fail = Win

I've always felt that you should never fuck around with people because you just don't know who you're fucking with. And if you do fuck around with people, you'd better be prepared for them to defend themselves. Unfortunately it appears that a lot of people don't take that into consideration, but I don't think I've ever seen a better example of this than the following video. Skip the first minute of this video, because it shows the 3 retards just overall fucking with people. It isn't till the first minute is over that you see some SRS shit. Pay attention to the dude with the blonde wig and the black dress, especially around 1:20.



All I have to say to those drunken retards is:

>

Who knew that the two drag queens would have ended up being cage fighters?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

NFL FANatics

So I can't believe I haven't updated since Thursday. I do believe this is probably the longest hiatus I've taken in a while, but FUCK my schedule is killing me. Working 40 hours a week, 10 hours at the internship, 2 classes in grad school AND PLANNING A WEDDING? Man, FUCK YO' ADULTHOOD! Being an adult is HARD. When the fuck am I supposed to have time to play video games? I'm kinda supposed to be doing my homework now, but eh.

In any case, in honor of the Madden I been playing with manz, and the games I been watching, I decided to put up some ridiculous ass pics I've seen on the interwebs of stupid fans. Or fans I think are stupid. Or fans I like but are more like haters.

1. The Bone Lady: Cleveland Browns Fan

This woman is a HARDCORE fan. Apparently she sits in the Dawg Pound and throws bones on the field. Crazy shit.

2. Butt Pirate: Oakland Raiders fan

I have to say that I'm obligated to make fun of the Raiders because my whole family is all about the Raiders. I've had to deal with Raiders fan craziness and paraphernalia my whole life. Also now being a Chargers fan its kinda obligatory, isn't it?

3. Packin It On: Green Bay Packers fan

There is something about football that makes grown men who are otherwise sane, feel that displaying their bodies in a public area is a good thing. I don't know what that is, but whatever it is, needs to be killed immediately. That feeling needs to go away and never come back. Now, if that feeling took ladies with nice racks over, it'd be okay, but men, keep your chests and stomachs to yourselves. Which leads me to...

4. Retard Strong Fat Kid: Pittsburgh Steelers Fan

*sigh* Why did this kid do this? Why did his parents let him do this? Why did that THING I just mentioned start possessing kids?! WE DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR HALF NEKKIDNESS AND STOP MAKING US FEEL AWKWARD!

4. Fashion Challenged Fag: Pittsburgh Steelers Fan

On what planet is it okay to leave your house with a jersey, pink shorts, and no shoes? And be a heterosexual male? Or maybe he isn't. Which would explain the pink shorts. Or maybe he's a gay hippy who likes football? I had to put this one in for manz since he hates the Steelers and all.

5. Favrebag

This man hates Favre a lot more than I do. I'm guessing he's a Packer fan originally and feels betrayed or something.

6. Crybaby Cutler

I think this is hilarious. I'm wondering if these are bitter Broncos fans. All I know is it takes some BALLS to go to a game with this getup.

7. Chad Ochocinco Douchecanoe

I'd love to know if this guy wore this jersey in the 'Nati or not. Is he a Browns fan maybe? All I know is, I heartily agree. Admittedly, he's not as bad as T.O., but sometimes his shenanigans are a bit much.

8. The Sanchize

I don't think any more words can do this couple justice.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Save the Ta-Tas

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month:

Do your part and make sure you "examine" (ie: fondle heavily) your woman's breasts, or any woman's breasts you might be having relations with to make sure she doesn't have a tumor.

After all, would you REALLY want anything to mess with the GLORY of THESE?