Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Buttons: Jesus' Magical Unicorn

Q and I one day were discussing the topic of religion, when he informed me that Jesus has a magical unicorn named Buttons. I was amazed at this but took his word for it, since he's a Buddhist and all. I passed this along to my coworker Stef, and she posted it on her FB wall, which then engendered the following legendary thread:

Stef learned something new today- apparently, according to my co-worker, Jesus had a magical unicorn named Buttons. I guess I really didn't pay attention in Sunday School!

Sun Y EXCUSE ME. But he HAS a magical unicorn named Buttons. HAS. PRESENT TENSE!

Shard Maybe the unicorn died.

Amy Um, how do you think he got out of the tomb when he rose from the dead and came up w/ the Easter Bunny ? Duh. Unicorn Magic. gosh.

Sun Y Thank you, Amy. Because honestly, do you REALLY think JESUS' magical unicorn could actually DIE? HOW DARE YOUUUUU!

Shard All of Jesus' magical people die. Wait, does that mean we're not magical or does it mean he likes the unicorn better.

Amy Everybody with any sense knows unicorns are immortal. Unless, you know, Lord Voldemort steals their silvery blood to make a protien shake in the forest. But even he who can't be named can't get to Buttons. Buttons has VIP staus w/ the King of the Jews and shit.

Sun Y Shard, this means we're not magical. And Amy is right yet again. VIP status with the King of the Jews makes you immortal, >>>> than Voldemort, Sauron, and David Bowie's hair in Labyrinth.

Michael Wow! I had no idea Facebook was so informative. I am still wondering where I received all of my information before I joined. : )

It all makes sense now. "Our father, which art in Heaven, Buttons be thy name.", something like that.

Melody How daaaare yooooou alllllll! Why must you make light of the unicorny magicalness. You are all going to a bad place without unicorns or Jesus or magic.

Margaret You people.
Fucked up.
My kind of people.

Sun Y Thank you Melody, thank you. I couldn't live in a world without unicorns or magic! (I do live in one without Jesus, only because I'm a pragmatic agnostic, but that's another story.)

Emily Seriously...this is officially my favorite facebook thread of all time. Flat out.

I love that all of Stef's friends seem to be as blasphemous as me.


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  2. As a believer, I must say...

    I rode Buttons once. He is real. Shame on people who don't know that he is real.

    Buttons has hair better than Fabio's. Ken Pave is his stylist. Jesus loves Buttons more than MJ loves Bubbles.

    Trill Talk.

  3. This thread is the reason why FB went down. There was too much unicorn magic for the servers to handle.

  4. We do not reveal the mysteries of Buttons's magic. We say Buttons works in mysterious ways.