Friday, July 31, 2009

Captain AWESOME!



So the Shat came onto Conan's show and did his spoken word/beat poetry thing...but this time, it was more epic than ever before. He did the reading of Sarah Palin's tweets, because he and Conan discovered that Palin's tweets aren't confusing, they're POETRY!

Bah, looks like the video I posted was taken down, but if you're interested in seeing it, which you SHOULD be, because it's fucking amazing, here's another one, starts about a minute in.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Comic Con 2009: Holy Nerdgasms, Batman!

So as most people who know me are aware by now, I was at Comic Con this past weekend. I only went one day, Saturday, and I'd just like to say at this time that NEXT year, I won't be making that mistake. I was a Comic Con noob and I know that next year, I'll be attending all 4 days, and I will be staying downtown, across the street from the venue. I highly suggest that if you ever plan to attend the Con that you do the same. You'll be SO GLAD you did, trust me.

Anyway, I'll limit my commentary here since there's so many pictures, plus I'm STILL TIRED from the damned thing. Manz and I wore appropriate nerd gear, me wearing my "Classically Trained" shirt with an NES on it, and manz wearing the Cobra shirt I bought him. Q was with us as well and decided to thug it in his white tee and baggy jeans.

The first thing we saw when we walked in was DC Universe Online. Instant nerdgasm. Here's what some of the gameplay looked like:

On the one hand I can't wait for it to come out. (Oh, by the way, apparently if you become a fan of theirs on FB that's the only way to get into Beta. So go do eet nao!) On the other hand I don't want it to come out any time soon. I'm ALREADY playing 2 games right now and I just don't have the time to commit to another one. *sigh*

There were a lot of freaking toys everywhere and I happened to step into a booth to get away from the crush of people around the PS3 and Xbox booths, and I saw this:

HI-LARRY-US.

Next thing we saw was the Black Beauty that Seth Rogen had driven onto the floor previously (I think Thursday) and outside of it being the Black Beauty, may I say that it was indeed a beauty? SMOKIN HAWT muscle car is more accurate, methinks.


We walked around to the Marvel "booth" which just turned out to be the Marvel toys area, but I thought this was pretty awesome looking. Meet the cutest Victor Von Doom ever:


Another thing in the same area that I just must mention for manz is that we saw a bunch of awesome figurines and he had to take one of Moon Knight. Manz is a fan of Marvel B Teamers and Moon Knight is one of his favorites. Let it also be known that manz and I share a love for Batman, so I guess I can see why he likes Moon Knight. To humor him I even read a recent Moon Knight TPB (which I'll be discussing in a later post) and it was actually pretty good. This little figurine was like 2 inches tall!


Manz and I actually thought that the costumes for Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow were a lot lamer than they turned out to be. They're actually not bad looking at all. I'm still wondering if I'm going to go see the steaming pile of shit that I anticipate GI Joe to be. I most likely will, for the same reason I saw the first Transformers movie despite my noted and distinct hatred of all things Michael Bay...because I really just want to see a live action film of one of my favorite cartoons.


Speaking of one of my all time favorite cartoons...this Voltron was pretty fucking sweet looking.


Even more awesome was this picture taken directly after the previous one. OM NOM NOM NOM! (No, that's not Scruffer, he's way cuter than this puppy) This one nerd had brought his girlfriend along and in order to take a "creative" picture that's what he did for her. Bitches, man. They sure do be trippin.


In the autographs area, first I saw Col. Tigh and was like OMG IT'S THAT BASTARD!


Then I rounded the corner and almost fainted, OMG COMMANDER ADAMA! Totally nerdgasming all over the damned place and I've only seen Season 1!


I have no idea why The Whole Fuckin' Show was at the Wizard booth, but he was, and he was the only one there.


So back when we were at the Marvel toy booth, when we were gawking at the Iron Man stuff, a fellow nerd saw us doing so and helped us out by letting us know that the 4 suits from the movie were on display so we of course had to go see them. This pic is courtesy of Q 'cause manz couldn't get close enough:


The only thing I actually bought at the show was a numbered and signed print of Jim Lee's work of ol' Bats. You know where THAT one's going, I'm sure...and for those who don't know, it will be going next to my framed copy of The Gotham Times on my wall.


All in all, it was a pretty cool experience. I say only pretty cool because I would have liked to see some of the showings as well as the panels and such, but this year my trip was poorly planned. You know, I actually expected the people to be a lot worse than they were, too...but other than the sheer retarded AMOUNT of people, the other attendees were pretty much what I expected. If you're a comic book nerd I highly suggest you make a trip out here for a Con, it's totally worth it.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I Ain't 'Fraid Of No Choach!

^ That was the headline of this box that I recently helped our artist to put together. (Its on the back, which I thought was a little much to show and didn't feel like covering up all the penis for you guys.) I thought the whole box and concept was hysterical. It also helps that Gianna is on the cover.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Samurai On Toilet



Is it just because its late and I'm tired from writing my paper (AT THE LAST MINUTE) and from Comic Con (blog post incoming...this week!) that I think this is hilarious?

Thursday, July 23, 2009

NERDS OF THE WORLD UNITE!

So in honor of the Con starting today, Google had the BEST SHIT EVER today in case you didn't see it, here it is:



(I am such a Jim Lee mark. SRSLY.)

I'm actually kind of scared. I'm thinking there's going to be so many god damned people. I might want to kill some of them. Or a lot of them. Or all of them. Also, I might be DEAD broke by the end of the day Saturday. I mean, I might have even drained the wedding fund. However, I'm sure I'll have a ton to talk about though, especially a lot of shit talking. And I guess maybe a picture of me and Olivia Munn to post for Teef. Who knows?

Monday, July 20, 2009

WAR! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?



So in my International Conflict class this week we were asked to define what war was for us, and to also list causes of international wars. I decided to post it here with some minor revision to formatting because I do think its worth thinking about. Without further ado:

I thought for some time about what my definition of "war" would be. My initial reaction was something along the lines of: armed conflict between groups. But then I thought of my many friends in the United States Armed Forces, that have been on more than one tour of duty, and have all seen combat. I revised this definition to align more with a definition of Carl von Clausewitz's, that war is "a clash between major interests that is resolved by bloodshed - that is the only way in which it differs from other conflicts." The important key word here for me would be the word "bloodshed". I also found it interesting that the origin of the word "war" lies in the root word "wers" which means "to confuse, mix up", which leads to the many causes of war.

The author I read mentions throughout the first few chapters of the book that the causes of war are numerous and sundry, and "are often complex, diffuse, and multidimensional." I would be inclined to agree with that statement, but Antoine-Henri Jomini, the Swiss strategist, notes on several causes of war, which I feel sum them up quite well, "ideological, economic, and popular wars, wars to defend the balance of power, wars to assist allies, wars to assert or defend rights." The only other cause, that I feel can be taken to the psychological level, most especially, Irving Janis' definition of groupthink:
"[Groupthink is] a mode of thinking that people engage in when they are deeply involved in a cohesive in-group, when the members' striving for unanimity override their motivation to realistically appraise alternative courses of action. "Groupthink" is a term of the same order as the words in the newspeak vocabulary George Orwell presents in his dismaying 1984 - a vocabulary with such terms as "doublethink" and "crimethink". By putting groupthink with those Orwellian words, I realize that groupthink takes on an invidious connotation. The invidiousness is intentional: Groupthink refers to a deterioration of mental efficiency, reality testing, and moral judgment that results from in group pressures..."

Nietzche said it best when he mentioned that madness is the exception in individuals but the rule in groups.

The moral of this story? THINK. FOR. YOURSELF.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Sex Talk 101

For those of you that need help. Follow the directions.



(Am I extra nerdy that I loved the graph-like setup or WHAT?)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Video Games: And Why Women Who Don't Play Them Can't Drive (Re-up 11/07)

Here's another re-up from back in the day. Still as true now as it was then. And I still think most girls are stupid, although I've now realized there's another subset of females that consider themselves "gamers" that aren't really. They usually don't ascribe to gamer lingo or culture. They think Mario Kart should be considered a real racing game. Most of the shit they like is word games and cutesy shit. SOME of them (You know who, Quintin) consider themselves "gamers" because they spend money on useless shit: "Ooh, I should buy a JAPANESE VERSION of this console, even though there's no discernible difference...because it's Japanese! That's how hardcore a gamer I am!" Kill me. Or her. The world cannot handle both of us in it. But without further ado:

Sometimes, I hate women. For that matter, MOST of the time I hate women.



Story #1:

Two things that happened to me in semi recent history. A few weeks ago, I was trying to get out of my car after parking. I open my door, and then I see a car pull into the empty space next to me, almost taking my door off. I closed the door, and waited for whoever the fuck that retard was to finish parking. I waited and saw that the retard driver was doing what I call the "Austin Powers". I leaned over more to see who was driving, and sure enough, it was a girl. She was driving a COMPACT CAR, attempting to park it in a NORMAL sized space, and I was parked within the lines on the pavement, and yet it took her about 6 tries before she was able to park her car properly. She did this while giggling the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME. She finally got out of her car to go to the ice Baskin Robbins right in front of her. Dumb bitch was probably on her rag. I shoulda shown her the back of my hand. No joke.



Story #2:

I was watching this stupid bitch parallel park her car while putting on make up. How she thought she was capable of doing this is beyond me, since most of them can barely parallel park AT ALL. So what did she do? She hit the car in front of her AND behind her multiple times while parking, and didn't care. Then she sat there, finished her makeup, and got out of the car and walked off.

Now, these same women are most likely, statistically speaking, probably the kind of women who talk some MAD shit to their boyfriends about their video game playing habits. I can just hear them now: "Why are you ALWAYS playing those STUPID video games?!" "Why don't you want to spend time with me? You can talk to your stupid video game friends all night but you never talk to ME!" Or the wives: "When are you coming to bed already?!" Or..."I thought I told you to (insert random chore here) but you were playing video games instead!!" Hmm, the reason why he's not talking to you and playing video games is because you're a dumb bitch with nothing of any interest to say who goes on and on about shit he doesn't care about. Furthermore, he doesn't want to break up with you or divorce your ass for whatever reason, so he's trying to play video games so he can have some mindless, thoughtless, emotionless, and GUILT-less fun for once in his miserable life.

The sad thing is, even as times progress, and women supposedly progress, men are still in the majority as far as gamers are concerned, just check these strictly men's shirts.







I don't know many female gamers that got into gaming on their own and not because of their boyfriend, husband or relative. I am not sure if I could attribute my own gaming tendencies to those reasons, I have always liked them since the original Nintendo console from back in the day, which was give to my brother and I. I even bought this MEN'S shirt in homage to it.




Anyway. Here's my theory. These women can't drive and hate video games. I vote that all DMVs should have extra tests for women that they have to take every year that involve various ways of parking, as well as learning how to keep your car in the same lane while looking over to see if you can change lanes. I mean, as a woman myself, I would take these test for the betterment of everyone else so that we wouldn't have to be subject to such idiocy as I described in those stories.

And I have a message for the women out there that fit the type I've just discussed. Maybe you should actually spend some of your worthless life learning how to play video games, and then you'll at least have better depth perception and hand-eye coordination and actually be able to park your god damned car without having people like me wishing they could violently murder you in some way and not go to jail.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Guide To Popular Religions

Don't say I never did anything for you guys...Here's your handbook to all the popular religions, people. Brush up on your knowledge because uber religious freaks are apparently lurking around every corner these days. Or at least I keep meeting them for some strange reason. I'd like to think their God makes them meet me to test their faith, but who can say?

I was DYING after I read this shit. It's funny because it's TRUE.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

IRONY: It's a Bitch, aka MA = BEST. STATE. EVAR.

I post this now as a precursor to a post that I've been writing in my head for a year now. It's about racism, it's about hypocrisy, it's about prejudice, it's about fear. It's about my family. But that's another story for another day.

Before we begin, know this about me: if you ever think you'd like to be friends, I require only one thing of my friends - that they be open minded. I don't care what color, race, culture, religion, or sexuality you identify with. I don't care what your hobbies are. But what IS going to be a deal breaker is whether or not you're truly open minded. If you're a hypocrite and a bigot, we probably won't be friends. If you're a conservative bible thumper, we can't be friends. With that in mind, I also have to say, that its not up to me to judge people. Its something that so many people say all the time, but most people judge your ass anyway. I've been judged by too many people for too many decisions I've made in my life and been told that I'm a terrible person, I'm evil, I'm going to hell, all of those things and worse. Now that I'm turning 32 here soon, all I care about in someone else is if they're truly happy. Which brings me to certain current events. I don't care WHO you sleep with. I don't care WHO you decide to marry. Its not my business to tell you who to love and who to marry. If you're happy, then that's all that matters. Unfortunately, because of religion, a lot of people think they can tell you who to love and who to marry and what's right and wrong for you.



I don't use this particular demotivator for any reason, other than to illustrate my point. When Prop 8 was first passed, in Los Angeles on the front of the Los Angeles Times there were a lot of pictures of MY PEOPLE, of KOREANS, standing there holding Yes on 8 signs. I was disgusted. I thought then what I think now when I see this demotivator, which is, "How can you, who've fought so long and hard for equal rights of your own in this country...BEGRUDGE THEM TO SOMEONE ELSE? You who have been judged for your slanty eyes? For your accent? For the color of your skin? You've been judged by all these things, and determined not worthy by SO MANY, and you struggled through it anyway. You know the pain you went through and yet you will still inflict it on someone else regardless."

Dart, this one's for you. Thanks to Miss Shivvy, I can now say that Massachusetts is officially one of the BEST. STATES. EVER. The first sentence of this story gave me some hope for humanity: Massachusetts, the first state to legalize gay marriage, sued the U.S. government Wednesday over a federal law that defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

Long live civil and HUMAN rights. Death to hypocrisy.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Crazy Like A Fox!

While I know I'm a woman of strong will & stronger opinions (neither of which are meant to be complimentary to myself, trust me) I'd also like to think that I'm definitely one to change those opinions if I'm faced with compelling evidence. The case of Megan Fox is one such. Now I have always thought she was hot, yes, but just never considered her to be anything special or different. She's hot, but I always thought she was, I don't know...generically hot. Nothing about her stood out to me. I thought she didn't have any character. All her antics off screen and her tats didn't mean much either, because, let's face it, most hot chicks in the LA area have tattoos, and most chicks PERIOD run their mouths. Myself included. After all, this whole blog is about me running my mouth, right?

Anyway. So I've changed my opinion on Megan Fox. She's got character, all right. She's got spunk. She speaks her mind. And I love it. Because of manz random, completely unasked for Entertainment Weekly subscription, I was able to read their interview with her a few weeks back. I've decided to put in snippets of her interview with my own commentary here.



EW: What percentage of your (acting) range have people seen so far?
Fox: Seven percent. On the new one (Transformers 2) I tried. But unless you're a seasoned veteran, working with Michael By is not about an acting experience.

Considering that this was her second question in, I died. I think anyone who knows me, knows that I hate Michael Bay and his terrible movies with a burning passion, so safe to say that this comment was halfway to winning me over.

EW: You don't sound convinced that this is the greatest movie on earth.
Fox: It's not trying to be the greatest movie on earth. It's going to be the best action movie of the summer. Hands down, it will win that. But it's not trying to be a Golden Globe nominated film. It's a badass popcorn summer movie.
EW: You up for a third Transformers?
Fox: Sure. I mean, I can't shit on this movie because it did give me a career and open all these doors for me. But I don't want to blow smoke up people's ass. People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting. And once you realize that, it becomes almost fun because you can be in the moment and go, "All right, I know that when he calls ACTION! I'm either going to be running, or screaming, or both."

I like her real attitude about the movie and that she knows Transformers made her star, but she's gonna be a PR machine and just repeat all the same tired shit everyone else does. She also is REALLY trying to make sure people know that she's aware this movie isn't good. And I respect that.

EW: Why are people so obsessed with you and hiring you for movies?
Fox: I can't figure that out. I mean, Transformers made 700 million and that opened a door to introduce this "new girl", and I happened to be such an outrageous personality that people wanted to start writing about me because it was deemed controversial. I think if I had been a typical Hollywood actress and I said all the right things and I had been a publicity android, it wouldn't have escalated to this level.
EW: Is all the attention mysterious?
Fox: Yes. I don't feel like I had to climb a ladder, so it doesn't feel like I've earned it.

Again, she seems to be fairly self aware. She knows that because she runs her mouth and is an "outrageous personality" that's the main reason she's gotten so much publicity. Again, I respect that. She seems to already grasp how the game works.

EW: You've only done a couple of movies, so you're still mostly known as a sex symbol rather than an actress.
Fox: It doesn't bother me. I don't know why someone would complain about that. That just means the bar has been set pretty low. People don't expect me to do anything that's worth watching. So I can only be an overachiever. I think all women in Hollywood are known as sex symbols. That's what our purpose is in this business. You're merchandised, you're a product. You're sold and it's based on sex. But that's okay. I think women should be empowered by that, not degraded.

Her entire outlook is SO refreshing, mainly because I feel the way she does and I've never met any women that aren't pornstars who feel this way. It's realistic. She understands how shit works in Hollywood. This is just how it is in Hollywood, in advertising, in porn. Its the way our society works. Women are always sex symbols, or they're wives and mothers, and even then they can still be sexually objectified. Why not take control of that? It's a similar concept to the gay community taking back the word queer, I think.

EW: Do you think you're good looking?
Fox: Well, I'm clearly not ugly.
EW: And you've got a lot of self confidence.
Fox: I think people are extremely insecure. As far as girls go, I have a really badass personality. I'm smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe to toe with anybody in a conversation. So I'm not afraid to speak and I think that's what people read as this uberconfidence. I have a mouth and I'm not afraid to use it.

I think people think she's confident also because of the fact that she's not afraid of what people say or think. She doesn't seem to be very much affected by that at all. I also like the fact that she knows what she has and doesn't have. Its a very sexy quality. Its one of the reasons I love Gianna so much, and why she just oozes sexuality. It's not just confidence, its awareness. It's both scary and sexy at the same time.

EW: There have been a lot of comparisons between you and Angelina Jolie.
Fox: I think it's a lack of creativity on the media's part. Because I have tattoos and dark hair, and I was in an action movie? That's as far as the similarities extend. I'm not the next anyone. (I would have said, I'm the first ME.)
EW: You've said you're afraid of her.
Fox: I was joking! She always seems so otherworldly in her power and her confidence. I'm sure she has no idea who I am. But if I were her, I'd be like, "Who the fuck is this little bullshit brat who was in Transformers that's going to be the next me?" I don't want to meet her; I'd be embarrassed.

I LOVE the fact that she doesn't take herself so seriously. And she doesn't come off as pretentious as most people would if the same questions were asked.

EW: Women seem to have an issue with you. Do you get that impression?
Fox: Sure, for the same reason they didn't like me in high school. I come across as confident and they assume that means I think I'm hot shit. And that makes them feel bad about themselves and so they hate me.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for putting it out there like that, Miss Megan Fox. Because it's FUCKING TRUE. I walk around with a wall of defense up all the time and I analyze people and environments and situations. I've been told this translates to me seeming like a stuck up bitch. I've also been told this is the reason why girls don't like me right off the bat, because I come off as cold and indifferent to them. And the reason why is exactly what she said.

EW: What's the worst case scenario? (For where her career would be at in 5 years)
Fox: Umm, that I'd be on The Hills?

Dear Megan Fox, I'm sorry about all the things I thought about you. You're hot, you seem fairly articulate and like you've got a good head on your shoulders. I love you. Marry me and have my children, biology be damned. (You would, however, need to gain about 10-15 pounds though. Just sayin'.)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Moar Random Artfaggotry

So I forgot exactly where I saw these, but I love the way the artist did a mashup of older and more contemporary artwork, as well as managing to inject some humor into it. Of course as is typical for me, I like the last two best.







Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Banksy vs. Bristol Museum

There has never been a time more so than now that I wished I lived in England, just so I could see this myself.



FUCK, that's SO COOL...Banksy strikes again.