Monday, June 8, 2009

Me: The Ultimate Man-Woman. (Re-up from 12/06)

This is something I wrote about 7 years ago or so, but looking back on it, it obviously still applies. Those of you that know me at all will most likely NOT be surprised at this, and those that don't know me as well might understand who I am and where I come from a wee bit better. Based on a lot of recent interaction and observation, I chose to re-up this post. If you've already read it, (Possibly Dart and Stormy) I've edited and tweaked it a bit so its different than it was when I originally posted it.

I am very fond of calling myself “the most misogynistic woman I know.” Yes, I am proud to hold such a title, and inevitably whenever I say this, whoever I'm talking to just looks at me like I’m a freak. Then of course follows the obvious question: “How can YOU be misogynistic? You’re a WOMAN!” Yes, I KNOW I’m a woman, and still am the last time I checked. So, how can I say that I HATE women? Well, there is a thin line between love and let me explain what I mean.

Being raised in a strict Asian household, my parents were supposed to teach me my “rightful place” as a woman. (Whatever or wherever that place was I still don’t think I’ve found it.) Naturally, in high school, I was determined to be different. I was a rebel. Hanging around with boys all the time had me start to imitate them. I did not behave like a “young lady.” I always sat in chairs without crossing my legs, preferred jeans, and cursed like a sailor. My male friends were comfortable around me, and talked freely about everything. They told me often that they didn’t really consider me to be a “normal” girl. As a teenager, privately, I confess I was a little insulted. Publicly I took it as a compliment. As I got older I began to see that it was indeed a compliment. I also began to sneer and jeer at the “normal” girls: girls that were afraid to break a nail. Girls that hated the “guy stuff”: video games, comic books, sports and cars, when I myself loved these things. Most of the girls I knew were very superficial, and would talk about pretty much only two subjects. Fashion, and guys. That was it. After being in the company of most girls at the time I felt irritated and frustrated. I also couldn’t stand the backstabbing, vindictive, cut and thrust activities that you’d see in all female groups. I preferred to be in the rough and tumble, relatively open and honest company of boys.

I think honestly one of the major things that sets me apart from other women, (and I don't mean in a way that makes me better than other women, but that makes me feel totally alien to them) is the fact that I can't participate in their backstabbing and undercutting culture. I don't gossip or talk shit behind people's backs really. If I ever say anything about anyone else, its something I've already said to their face, or would say to their face. Why talk shit about other females? I honestly would rather spend time thinking/discussing how hot they are. Yes, because I can appreciate them the same way men do, in a sexual way. I kissed a girl long before Katy Perry did and WAY before being bisexual was popular. How could you not love women sexually? No offense, guys, but they're a lot prettier, (mostly, these days I wonder though) softer, and they smell better than men do.

This whole attitude of mine has stayed with me till today. I laugh at women who put on makeup in the car and can’t steer. Women who do the Austin Powers 3 point turn move when they're trying to park normally in a parking space. Women who say they're gamers, but only like the cute-sy games on the Wii. But I must admit I’ve had my own share of losses to traditional feminine society. My beauty salon owning stepmother urged me to fix my hair and learn what sorts of makeup to buy and how to use it. I began to see boys as men that appreciated a woman that LOOKED like a woman. I guess I'm proud to say that I can get a full face of makeup on and put on a skirt and heels and look pretty damned good in 30 minutes or less.

As I have gotten older, I have begun to see that women like me aren’t TOTALLY atypical, but we’re still very rare. A little while ago I was in a nail salon with a supposed friend of mine and I was getting a pedicure but declined to get a manicure. When my friend heard that, she VERY loudly said, “What’s wrong with a manicure?? Stop being such a guy!” She then turned to the girl that was doing her nails, and (STILL very loudly) said, “Can you believe that? Look at my friend over there. She LOOKS like a girl, but she’s really a guy!” At that point, ALL the women in the salon turned and stared at me. At the time I began a very serious inspection of my pedicure and was embarrassed beyond belief. Needless to say, we’re not friends anymore. Another former friend would constantly tease me whenever we went to a bar and ordered drinks. She'd say to the bartender, "Oh, no wine or normal girl drinks for her, she wants a whiskey and soda." Then she'd roll her eyes and laugh at me. What can I say? As girly as it gets when I'm drinking is a cranberry and vodka.

Someone I worked with/for several years ago labeled me as a “man-woman”, a name he had made up for his wife and some of his female friends that have similar thoughts and attitudes. When I first heard the term, I laughed. Did it not show the dichotomy of my nature? It stayed in the back of my mind and I later gave the whole “man-woman” thing some thought. Does this dichotomy of my nature make me very atypical and “weird”? I never once thought of myself as an anomaly. Although I must say that if I am, I prefer being the anomaly to being “normal”.

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