Monday, May 4, 2009

Medieval Empires: The NOT SEXY Edition

Before I begin I would like to reiterate that these are real pictures of real people that I found on Facebook while playing Medieval Empires. It's kinda like Risk. Its amazing how many people really think that their stupid camwhore type pics are actually SEXY, and the best part is, you can totally tell they think so by the look on their faces.

Exhibit A: Artsy Camwhore Fail

Okay, first of all, this chick MIGHT possibly be cute. She is, however, most definitely RETARDED. I hope she has a ninehead and is self conscious of that shit because there's no reason for her to be covering her forehead like that. Additionally, who told her it was a good idea to pose like that? There are plenty of other poses you can use if you wanna be artsy and show the camera in the picture. This is definitely not it. Also, it looks like she has a kind of decent camera, but I think she needs to invest in Photoshop or bootleg it somehow because this picture overall looks terrible. Why hasn't one of her friends said something by now?

Exhibit B: Regla Camwhore Fail

I blame myspace for bringing about these travesties of camwhore poses that every bitch seems to use these days. I guess it works good for her because it shows her tits. But why is she in her laundry room? And also, why didn't she fix her hair or put some makeup on? Not a good look for her in the least. Do these females need lessons on how to take pictures? Christ.

Exhibit C: Douchecanoe #1

Wow. Where do I even start with this guy? I mean...the HUGE glasses, the played out hairstyle, the tight jeans, the big buckle, the GOD DAMNED POSE...?! This is one of those guys that is in denial about the fact that he's actually gay. I mean, what straight man takes pictures like this? And why? (If he's gay and trolling for some action then it's all right.)

Exhibit D: Douchecanoe #2

Okay so, I'd like to say at this time, that dudes should never ever ever pose in wife beaters. ESPECIALLY not if you're a skinny mofo like this dude. And what's with the glasses again? And the busy looking shirt like them Versace shits that everyone at Bad Boy wore in the 90s?

Exhibit E: Trapped In the Closet

I REALLY hope that's a woman in the middle. Because let me tell you, I'm a chick and I do not get that close to people to take pictures, no matter who they are. The only way this picture is remotely okay is if all these people are directly related to each other, which I sincerely doubt. I think they're all "bros".

Exhibit F: Uh....

Um. Um. This is probably the worse male "glamour shot" I've ever seen. The look on his face is just...there are no words. Really. I could speculate on what else was happening in the picture that got cut off, but do we really even want to think about that?

Exhibit G: Sexytime?

This "come on, you know you want it" face should only be shown to a sexual partner, and NEVER EVER EVER EVER shown to the public. Nobody wants to see this, dude, trust me.

Exhibit H: ...

*pukes* *shudders* *pukes again*

Let's all go watch some porn or stare at hot chicks now before we're emotionally scarred FOREVER.


  1. what does my profile pic say to you?

  2. Honestly? That you're someone who laughs or smiles often. I don't talk shit about pictures that look REAL and not contrived. If you're clearly posing (and you don't know how to do it) then I will talk shit till the cows come home.

  3. Exhibit A looks like a transvestite.

    Am I the only one who found it interesting that you were playing a RTS all the while browsing Facebook?

    Note to self. Do not post pics of self. lol.

  4. You have to hand it to the last guy, he looks more comfortable in that picture than he did when he was on camera for NBC's "To Catch a Predator."

  5. LOL PHOENIX@ "douchecanoe". Add that to my regular list of words.

    I hate Exhibit D the most because I know he planned really hard to make that look cool, and instead he looks like a dicklemon.

  6. @Max: WHO YOU TELLIN?!

    @Pago: She could possibly look like a tranny, yes. But I've seen many a tranny MUCH prettier than her.

    @Stormy: LMAO! *dies*

    @E-Rich: *bows* Thank you, thank you. I actually made that one up on my own. Srsly. But all those eurofag poses are stupid BECAUSE they're so GD contrived. Hence ending up looking like dicklemons.