Monday, March 30, 2009

Money Talks & Bullshit Walks

I came across this picture last week at work. I will never look at Homer the same again.

Exxxtra, Exxxtra, Read All About It!

Okay, so I did it. Thank you to: Dart, Marcus, Quintin, E. Brock, Teef, and TC from TSS for your input.

Just a note if you didn't see my tweets about it before. On occasion (okay, a few times a week) I come across stuff that I just HAVE to share with people, because it's just that great/hilarious/weird/interesting but it's of an "adult" nature. I've wanted to put stuff on my blog, but because this was feeding to my FB, I didn't. Most of the soon to be in laws are my friends on FB so I didn't want to put it all out there like that. However, this is a little bit more of a private venue now (CHAMPAGNE ROOOOOM!) so now I can feel more comfortable doing so.

One thing though, the blog will remain the same for the most part, excepting that once a week or so there'll be something with adult content.

That is all.

Internets prevails!

Terrorism & Big Brother Is Watching: Revisited



For those of you trying to get familiar with politricks, or to have an awareness of shit that goes on in this country, see my previous posts on the topic HERE and HERE.

Also, see my post on why alla youse are prolly terrorists like me, HERE.

Note to Self

Dear Self,

Please manage to step up your game somehow with your backlog of posts on this blog. You're slippin'. I don't care that you have school and it's finals and you work full time.

Love,

Me

----------------------------------
On that note, this story is like 2 weeks old, but it bears talking about because I can't stand Miley Cyrus, and I love Radiohead:

Miley Cyrus, the 16-year-old 'Hannah Montana' star, has been told to "grow up" by Radiohead. The young star is alleged to have threatened to "ruin them" after being snubbed by the band at last month's Grammys. The group issued a statement which said: "When Miley grows up, she'll learn not to have such a sense of entitlement." Frontman Thom Yorke also took a swipe at Miley and rapper Kanye West - who has also complained about being snubbed by the band. He wrote on their Dead Air Space blog: "Wish us all a safe journey if you still like us and you're not one of those people I have managed to offend by doing nothing."

Thom Yorke, I love you. Don't listen to those people that tell you that I really love Zach de la Rocha and Trent Reznor and Johnny 5 + Brer Rabbit. Those other musicians don't mean anything to me. That was a long time ago.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Did You Know?

This video makes me simultaneously feel both joy and despair for and towards the human race.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

My geekiness >>>>>>>

It's officially over nine thousand. Because I actually went & had this framed from The Dark Knight viral marketing campaign:



I've walked by it about 20 times by now and stare at it every time.

Friday, March 27, 2009

This post >>>>>>> SF: Legend of Chun Li

Even without anything in the body it would be, but today's epicness is brought to you by my dear friend Miss Shivvy, aka Flovvie.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

WHEN BILL O'REILLY ATTACKS!

Ah, Keith Olbermann. You were amazing on ESPN, but you have surpassed even those days. I love you and Jon Stewart. These simulated interactions are AMAZING. I personally favor attacking the cameraman, but I guess that's a crime.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

OMG I'z A TERRORIST!

NEWSFLASH!

According to sources from this article I read this morning, quoting the sources:

Missouri Information Analysis Center Strategic Report: The Modern Militia Movement (dated 20 Feb 2009), the "If you encounter" pamphlet from the Phoenix branch of the FBI, the Texas Department of Public Safety and Criminal Law Enforcement pamphlet titled "Terrorism: What the Public Needs to Know", and Virginia's "Terrorism & Security Awareness Orientation for State Employees".

Apparently I am or could be a terrorist because:


-I am against the New World Order, (No, not the band) the North American Union, and those united numbskulls, the UN.
I am. Maybe it's because I'm a minority and we're naturally suspicious. Maybe it's because I read a lot of sci fi and fantasy. Maybe it's because I was a fan of the X-files for years and years. Whatever the reason, I am most definitely not down with big consolidated government agencies. The stupidity that bureaucracies create as well as the general scariness of one big government (aka dictatorship) freaks me out. A lot.



-I'm against paying taxes.
Well who the fuck likes paying taxes anyway?



(If it comes down to wearing clothing with them or being naked, I'll take the latter, thanks.)
-I'm against RFIDs.
I am. Vehemently so. Look it up on the interwebs if you want to know why. It's one of the major reasons I boycott Wal-Mart as well.



-I'm for the US Constitution.
I am, and predominantly I'm for human and civil rights for ALL people, across the board. No matter your race, religion, gender, etc. If you consider yourself a decent human being whatsoever, then you should be, too.



-I've seen "Zeitgeist" and "V for Vendetta".
I have and I love them both. Oh, and to put the nail in the coffin, I also OWN a copy of, and LOVE, "Catcher in the Rye". And "Oldboy". Ooh. Check me out. You're fucked now, people!


-I go around carrying things like cameras...maps or charts, sketch pads, and notebooks, and I stock up on things like water, alcohol, and medicines.
I do carry a camera around, only because I'm suspicious of shady motherfuckers who do hit and runs. That happens in LA all the time. And also because I like taking pictures of interesting shit. I carry around sketch pads and notebooks to write in. Because sometimes I'm too lazy to bust out my laptop, or as is usually the case, I'm out of battery. And I do stock up on water and alcohol...duh. And medicines? Who doesn't? It's the fucking worse feeling EVAR to be sick as a dog and have NOTHING in your house to make yourself feel better, and then you have to actually LEAVE to get some, and then you feel even worse. GG. Did that once before. Never again.

Okay guys, apparently I'm a terrorist according to the fine organizations listed above. Did I mention I also have Crimethinc's "Days of War, Nights of Love", and "The Anarchist's Cookbook", too?

Monday, March 23, 2009

Game Designers...No Homo?



I totally didn't realize how many game characters looked the same, all with short hair or bald, with 5 o'clock shadow. What's the deal with that? Man love for Vin Diesel? Promotion of typical manly archetypes? I don't get it. *scratches head*

Sunday, March 22, 2009

ROFLCOPTER!!!1111!!

Hey look, it's a roflcopter!





I wonder if it can do barrel rolls, too.

What's next, a lolcano hairstyle?



I'm afraid to see what that would even look like.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

You Don't Want To See Me When I'm Angry...

Presenting, the best President EVAR: The Rock Obama!



I <3 The Rock and Obama so this is epic win.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

It Was All A Dream (c) Biggie



EXCEPT FOR ME RIGHT NOW...ITS NOT A DREAM!!! ITS REAL! And I'm still 2 weeks away from the end of the semester. *cries*

Questionable Gender Azns

Soo this week is full of stuff Shivvy sent me from teh interwebs. She and I had a convo about these photos, because the site they came from has "Gay for Hello Kitty" in the address for it. So initially we thought, wow, her bow in the first picture is terribad. Like from the 80s, but still horrible. You know she has some shit in her hair in the second picture (prolly another bow) but at least she looks a little more presentable. I love how she Photoshopped her face to have be blown out or have a glow around it. Probably to hide bad skin, multiple moles with hair growing out of them, or something else.





But see, then I got to wondering. Does "Gay For Hello Kitty" mean GAY as in HAPPY? Or does it mean gay as in homosexual? And if it's the latter, then it doesn't make sense that she's a lesbian. Which ONLY MEANS: DUN DUN DUNNNNN...I THINK THAT'S A GUY! Or...a tranny! I'm kinda sorta scared now! Because not knowing which he/she/it is, is scaring me.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Chick Gamer Fail Part Deux: Them Crazy Azn Chicks

Miss Shivvy sent me this to follow up with the video I posted. I heart demotivators. LONG TAIMZ.

Chick Gamer Fail

There are no words for this video. There is so much fail in it that I couldn't even watch it all the way through because I was so disgusted. This puts me in mind of a story. A while back I wrote a post where I was talking about why women who don't play video games can't drive. For those of you that may be interested, it's here. So I was talking to a female friend at the time (Hi Shivvy!) who read the post. She disagreed with my stance that girls who don't play video games should at least try if their boyfriends or husbands did. When I asked her why, she said something along the lines of, "Because I don't want to have to deal with a GD noob. I'd rather they didn't play at all." At the time, I couldn't really see what she meant, but after she showed me this video yesterday, NOW I UNDERSTAND.

Watch more videos of TF2

Sunday, March 15, 2009

I <3 Ricky Gervais Part 2

I always love Ricky Gervais. I've NEVER liked Elmo. BUT! This was HIGH-larious.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Scary Shit

Little known fact about me, that you all can use against me, since I'm putting it out there:

My older sister locked me in the bathroom several times when I was really little after screaming "BLOODY MARY BLOODY MARY BLOODY MARY" at the top of her lungs. Of course this was after telling me the Bloody Mary story. So I freaked the fuck out. And for years and years and years before I went into a bathroom in the middle of the night I'd reach my hand in and turn the light on before I even walked in. As a habit in the middle of the night, if I'm half asleep I'll still do that out of reflex.

When I saw this shit on the interwebs this morning I was like, *facepalm* I should have thought about this ages ago. I'm dumb.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Moar ig'nint retards



An anti-Obama sign. Exactly how we were supposed to know that 'cause he spelled Obama's middle name wrong, I have no idea. And check the flag in the background. *siiigh*

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

C-C-C-Combobreaker Part 2!

I actually forgot one of the most important things I wanted to say in my last post 'cause I was so mad.

On the way to the airport going home, someone brought up gamers and what did this bitch say? That all gamers or people who like to play video games were nerdy losers. She had completely forgotten I had told her that I was a gamer myself. I couldn't believe people like these individuals even existed. I knew that the neocons were out there, and sure, maybe a lot of people I know and associate with are or might be pretty conservative, but I've never seen it so ingloriously (no Tarantino) personified, and with such ignorance.

There have been plenty of times in my life that I felt a little on the left, stood out a little too much, was just a little too different. But NEVER in my life have I ever felt so completely radical/leftist/socialist/hippy than I did during that trip to Vegas. Manz pointed out that what really upset me the most is that trophy biatch and the nerd basically were diametrically opposed to everything I stand for, and they DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT. And it's true.

I don't make a big deal out of it, but I try and stay conscious. I stay aware of what's going on in the world, because I believe it affects me. The butterfly effect, right? There's plenty of poor folks out there who had no idea the housing crisis would ever affect them. I wonder how they feel now? Shit, for that matter, when I was a teenager way back when, I myself never thought that the actions of any president would ever affect my daily life or the decisions I make on a daily basis. I was, of course, dead wrong. I know better, now. I know better than to NOT vote and not let my voice be heard.

So I pay attention to a multitude of news sources (except for Faux News and affiliates) especially international news agencies, because I don't want to be one of those stupid ethnocentric Americans. I stay aware of everything going on in China/Tibet, Afghanistan/Pakistan, and the "smaller" (in terms of less covered by the news and less in the headlines) but no less terrible conflicts in the rest of the world, like in Ireland, like in Zimbabwe, like in Bangladesh.

I also pay attention to the products I consume because I don't want to be some ignorant, rapacious consumer. I don't want to just consume without thought, because then, what am I? I don't patronize Wal-Mart, Starbucks, McDonald's, the Disney store, etc, for their FUCKED business ethics and practices. (Look it all up yourself, if you wanna know. The interwebs is an interesting place. But fact check, too.) It doesn't matter how many press releases a company comes out with that they've gotten better, they've improved, because it doesn't matter. To me, all they've done is find better ways to hide their shady business practices.

And why do I care about what these companies do? Plenty of people have asked me. Why should I care about what goes on outside of our country? Because that's part of what makes me a member of the human race. How can I say or believe I'm a good person if I help a company perpetuate their horrible business practices that include treating other human beings like dirt? How can I call myself aware or conscious of what goes on in the world if I don't pay attention to what my fellow Americans are doing in their businesses in other parts of the world? These are the questions I had to ask myself several years back.

Anyway, . I'm done. I think I'm over it now. Back to your regularly scheduled shit talking bitchiness!

HULK SMASH! + *facepalm = COMBOBREAKER!



Because I'm still a little mad about the whole situation last week, I'm just gonna break it down fairly simply, because otherwise I will never get out what I want to say.

I'm a project manager. Right now we're about to go live on the project I'm working on, and we need to do so by the first week of April. Last week, our vendor that we've been working with to get everything going started making various mistakes, and wouldn't you know it, it also happened to be the same week my boss' wife went into labor. So what does this spell for me? Business trip.

On a sidenote, I had met with our vendor reps, 2 different people from 2 separate companies that are working together. When they showed up to the meeting, I profiled them both right quick like I generally do with people. The woman was wearing fake eyelashes, had fake tits, and was wearing 4 or 5 inch stilettos. The guy was a middle aged tech nerd overcompensating for his nerdiness. He had a buzzcut, was wearing Abercrombie, and came to the meeting on a crotch rocket. *insert eyeroll here* As the meeting wore on, I realized that both the chick and the nerd were the kind of people that adore small talk. I also realized the nerd was one of THOSE people who thinks he's the funniest motherfucker alive, and laughs at all his own jokes.


Anyway. Moving on. The night before I'm due to leave, the chick lets me know that I'll actually be flying up with the nerd. Oh noes. HO NOES. The morning of, I'm late. I get to the airport an hour and a half before my flight leaves, but spend almost 30 minutes trying to figure out San Diego airport, since it was the first time I had flown out of there. Finally I said fuck it, and parked in the lot across the street from the terminal. The $25 a day one. Yes, that one.

I get into security. I get in line. The woman in front of me is taking off every article of clothing and jewelry she has on, practically, and I'm not interested in the least, because she's middle aged (not into MILFs much 'round these parts) and she's very very very heavy. I'm standing there waiting, because in all the other airports I've been in recently, there's no such thing as cut-sies in the security line. About 10 people are behind me, impatient, when one of the women in security says very loudly, "JUST COME FORWARD ALREADY!" I'm embarrassed. Turns out, there are cut-sies in the SD airport security line, and I just made all 10 people wait. Lovely.

I get to my gate. A woman from Southwest is getting all angry on the mic like she's a rapper with beef. She's telling us in a loud and angry voice (which is even louder and angrier on the speaker) that they're short on time (who's fault is that?) and that we had better be ready to board at any moment because otherwise we'd be stuck there for TWO HOURS because their window was short. I rolled my eyes of course. Meanwhile I'm trying to hide in the corner so the nerd doesn't find me.

He finds me anyway. Damnit all to hell. We get on board the plane, I put my bag up, and turns out, it's TOO GOD DAMNED BIG. *sigh* There are about 30 people behind me trying to get on (I'm in the middle boarding group) and all of them have just been yelled at by the angry woman on the mic, too, so they're impatient. The stewardess finally asks me if there's stuff I can take out of the bag, and I nod, and with a little embarrassment take a stuffed dog out of my bag. (His name is Scruffy. No one better talk shit or else I will cut you.)


Thank SOMEONE, but I didn't have to sit next to the nerd. The flight is crazy bumpy. We finally get to Vegas. The chick picks us up. I elect to sit in the back of her car, and her and the nerd are wearing me out with their chit chat. Turns out this chick has a spending problem, she loves to spend all her discretionary money on shopping. She's also one of those moms who has like 4 nannies and doesn't spend time with any of her children. I start getting annoyed.

We get to the hotel, check in, and go to lunch before we hit their offices. During the lunch, I don't say much, but the subject of video games comes up. The chick turns to me and says, "I just DON'T GET video games, you know? They're SOOOO BORING. Like, what's the point?" Annoyed with everything thus far, I say nothing, and a little while later she asks me what I do for fun. I turn to her and smile my fakest cheese smile and say, "Actually, I play video games. Pretty much every kind possible. I have a 360, a PS3, AND I play video games on my computer. About 4 different kinds." Her smile almost falls off but she says gamely, "Oh...well, that's nice...what else do you do for fun?" I reply, "Read comic books. Watch sports." and shrug. Her smile falls off even more and she says a little weakly, in the brightest tone possible, considering, "Well! That must mean you're popular with the guys!!!" Sick of her shit, I say, "Actually, yeah. I don't have ANY female friends, practically. I get along MUCH better with men." She nods and says, "OMG so do I!" I just finish eating. I realize that the chick and the nerd have upper class majority mentality, since they start talking about "the help" and their "girls" that they have as their nannies and housekeepers. Come to find out these "girls" are middle aged Hispanic women. You know what minorities are good for, is for the majority to exploit, right? Oh, and apparently, since she's part hapa but acts white, Asians are apparently no longer minorities. So we can talk trash about the OTHER minorities. I try not to explode.


After an eternity we finish lunch. We go to the office. I realize that this chick is a gold digging, trophy wife. (Well, almost, they're not married yet.) Her "partner" is her fiance, and he's the one that runs the show. He's in his 60s, has very thin hair, just had cataracts removed, and has CRAZY crooked teeth, as well as that "old man" smell. Wonderful. He's very nice to me since I'm the client, everyone is. I spend some time working there and we head back to the hotel. I tell manz and one of my like, three girlfriends about my day, and my girl tells me, "Well, it could have been worse, just remember that." Little did she know.

Next morning we head over to the office, I don't see the trophy wife, but have to hang with the nerd till she gets there at 1. Meanwhile, one of THOSE kind of creepy dudes that works there tries awkwardly and unsuccessfully to engage me in some conversation. I really want to run away screaming, but manage not to. Trophy chick arrives and we go to lunch. Turns out her aunt and the creepy guy are coming, too. Oh joy.

We get to the restaurant across the street. As we're eating, during the 2 hours, I was subjected to an onslaught of ignorance, stupidity, blind hatred, and overwhelming amounts of racism and classism. First the aunt, (who by the way, has a MUSTACHE!) starts talking about how ghetto and crime infested the OC is, where they used to live. Say what? I just say, "Oh, I understand, I'm from Oakland and LA." She says, all self-righteously, "Oh, I don't know about THAT, Orange County is MUCH worse than that." Huh? In what dimension?

Then the trophy bitch decides to break us off with some knowledge. Were you aware that gay men are gay because they were molested as children by disgusting gay pervy men? Oh yeah, I didn't know that. And as a result, they're now all "weird in the head". That's why they're like that, you see. Now, I don't care WHAT you think about gay men, but to say that they're ALL like that because of that ONE reason? Get the fuck out of here.

She goes on to drop another nugget of truth on us. Did you know that black actors get their jobs by having homosexual sex with gay Jewish producers? There are so many fucked up things about that statement that I lost count. And oh yeah, trophy bitch thinks I must be used to the ghetto because I go to school in Carson. Which you know, is heavily "ethnic". And oh, black people are GHETTO. Hadn't you heard? Here, let me do an impression of a loud black girl, and wave my arms in the air, in front of two black couples that are sitting beside us.

At this point, I am fuming. Of course it's okay for her to talk shit about minorities because SHE is a minority and she grew up in the HOOD (of OC), right? But she's only hood sometimes, when she wants to talk some shit about other minorities. It doesn't have to make sense, of course.

There was so much fucked up shit wrong with what was coming out of this bitch's mouth that I didn't even know what to do. Most of my reactions were visceral, from rage. I wanted to beat the living shit out of her. What, because I'm ASIAN, I'm no longer a minority, right? And why the hell should I care about shit talked about other minorities? It's not like I'M black or Mexican. So I shouldn't care at all, oh no.


Just thinking about it pisses me off all over again. I was with this bitch for another day before I left early and went home. There wasn't much more, but of course I flew home with the nerd. As we left SD airport to go to the parking lot, there were some Hispanic protesters outside, protesting on behalf of janitorial rights, and for benefits for their children, you know, to invest in their future. Of course he had to talk about it. "Whose future are they talking about, and why do I care? Oh well, at LEAST they're speaking ENGLISH so you can understand what in God's name they're SAYING."

...

The only thing that made it better was seeing my friend Stormy on night #2. He, along with a few other peeps on Twitter, kept me from wholesale murder. So thank you: Stormy, SdGeek, Dart Adams, Quintin, Tangomega, drtrauma, and Marcus.

This biatch fails. She fails at life on epic proportions.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Medieval Empires Part 1: The Silly Asian Edition

So I started playing a new game on Facebook, and the best thing about it is that all the people you "skirmish" with, you can see their profile pic. Which gives me plenty of fodder for shit talking. This edition is about my fellow silly ass Asians perpetuating stereotypes. Asian activists get pissed off all the time that Hollywood only casts Asian men in submissive, soft, feminine roles, which is true. But stereotypes exist for a reason.


This guy's hair is like the emo music genre, and all anime characters are duking it out on his head and no one's won yet.


This guy's hair confuses me too. Like, what's with the framing of his face with the spikes? I should have sent his picture into the makers of Dragonball. He'd make a better Goku than the current white boy they have in the role.


This guy just makes me kind of want to cry. Like...his glasses are WHITE. His pose is retarded. He looks like he needs the taste slapped out of his mouth or else to be kicked in his nonexistent balls.


Oh man. I could talk shit about this guy for DAYS. And I mean all day long for days in a row. His hair. His necklace. His tattoo. (You know that tattoo doesn't go all the way around his arm. Only the hardcore can take the pain of a tattoo on the underside of their arms.) AND THE SHORTS. OH GOD, THE SHORTS! THE HUMANITY!


To make it all better, here's a picture of a penguin representing the revolution. It doesn't have to make sense.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Oh, yeah.

I should have carried THIS around taped to my forehead today.



It amuses me because it's true. Two quotes come to mind: "Don't make me CUT you, bitch!" and the famous, "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to CHOKE A BITCH?"

,,l,,

As anyone who has spoken to me in the last day through Twitter or AIM can attest, the title of this post is me flipping off pretty much all the shitty people I had to deal with today. The airport security biatches, the MEAN lady on the speaker for Southwest Airlines, the other people I've had to deal with all day long with their petty bullshit.

I saw this online, don't remember where exactly a few days ago and saved it because I thought that even though it was pretty ghetto, it was also pretty awesome at the same time. Like going to the market in your pajama pants and house shoes. Or like grape drink.





If this were my sign though, I'd replace the first two lines with: BITCHES. (Both male and female) Leave me alone.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Um...lolwut?

When thinking of great superheroes, I can see putting Spidey, Iron Man, and Batman in the mix together. But THIS?



In what cracked out person's mind is this the best Superheroes Justice League? I can see equal opportunity and all that, but NARUTO? REALLY? Who co-signed this idea and made it happen? Fire them. Now.

PS. Why does Spidey look like he's on some SRS drugs? Check out them pupils.

Monday, March 2, 2009

No Apple Products for the Gates Family! Say It Ain't So!



I read this article this morning saying that Melinda Gates did an interview with Vogue magazine. First off, I'd like to say, I'd never seen a picture of her before, and I was a little shocked. She seems kind of homely. I kind of figured that Bill Gates would go with a trophy wife, since he's well, you know, Bill Gates and all. Or at least I thought she'd be better "preserved". I dunno. Is that wrong? Anyway. Apparently according to her the kids can play Xbox, and use all other Windows products all they want, but she says, and I quote:

"There are very few things that are on the banned list in our household. But iPods and iPhones are two things we don't get for our kids."

What I want to know is, do the Gates kids complain to their dad all the time about all the shit wrong with their computers? When they're being rebellious, do they ever scream, "OH YEAH, WELL I'M GOING TO GO BUY A MAC!" before they slam the door? Do they ever go over their friends houses that own Mac Books? What they fuck do they listen to digital music on? The Zune? (BWAHAHAHA!) How about on the computers themselves? Old school Winamp? Inquiring minds want to know!

Melinda goes on to say that she gets a little jealous of her friends that own Apple products though. She said:

"Every now and then I look at my friends and say 'Ooh, I wouldn't mind having that iPhone'. "

I wish the article would have gone into more detail as to why that is. Is it just hate? Like how my uncle hates the Japanese and all their products so much he won't buy shit from Japan? ('Cause of the genocide and death of our culture they started after WW2 and all.) Is it just that kind of hate? I wonder.