Sunday, February 8, 2009

Lessons Learned From the Worst Movies of '08

Here's another one of my backlogged posts. I still think it's kinda relevant, seeing as how we're only at the beginning of the second month of this year. I figured it was worth posting here and also worth some more discussion, considering that most of what was said I wholeheartedly agree with.

Anyway, I read this article about a month and a half ago, and found it hysterical. It starts off with a high-larious intro:

"Unbearable romantic comedies, star vehicles with the parking brake stuck in the "on" position, sequels that nobody asked even be made much less wanted to see, and careers that should have ended years ago - 2008 was head-scratchingly bad when it came to the bottom of the cinematic barrel."

Lesson 1:
Jason Statham Must Be Stopped

Okay, I don't think he should be stopped from making movies period, but maybe he could have a little chat with his old buddy Guy Ritchie? Because Rocknrolla was OMGWTFBBQAWESOME. And as much as I <3 Jason Statham, I could not bear to watch him fail in: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Death Race, and Transporter 3. I think his agent might want to have a few words with him unless he wants his career run into the ground.

Lesson 2:
The Romantic Comedy Is Dead

(See my Chick Flicks post for more rants by me on the topic)

Turk182, the writer of this article, swerved a little too much on this post, only because he actually thought that "Definitely, Maybe, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall" were good movies. I didn't see them. I didn't want to see them. I did see Ghost Town because I love Ricky Gervais, but that wasn't necessarily a good movie either. It was ADVERTISED as a comedy, and instead I got an all around sappy, humanitarian themed chick flick. I could have done without the sap. He ended with: "It’s as if the scale for romantic comedies has been lowered by the amount of total junk on the bottom. Fool's Gold, Over Her Dead Body, and What Happens in Vegas were three of the most painful films of 2008 with characters who I wanted to see get together just so they wouldn't inflict their narcissistic, unbearable lives on others." LOL.

Lesson 3: Americans Can't Make Horror Movies Anymore

Check and mate. Nothing more needs to be said. All they can do these days is rip off of Asian cinema. Bastages.

Lesson 4: Almost Famous Is Getting Harder To Watch

I guess I wouldn't know, because I haven't seen it. *ducks popcorn thrown by other movie nerds* And I also don't care much for Kate Hudson. Maybe it's because I've never really been a fan of blondes. *shrugs*

Lesson 5: Lazy Comedy Is Not Funny

"The amount of comedians who sat back and expected their on-screen personas to make their entire film funny - rather than, you know, a great script, ensemble, or concept - was remarkable in 2008." Word, Turk182, word. I'd like to add January's comedic smash hit Mall Cop and Kevin James to his list of: "Mike Myers in The Love Guru, Eddie Murphy in Meet Dave, Larry the Cable Guy in Witless Protection, Ashton Kutcher in What Happens in Vegas".

Lesson 6: Make Sure Your Audience Really Wants a Sequel

I just wish Hollywood would get THIS lesson already, for fuck's sake. I watched that piece of caca "I Want to Believe", only because I'm such an X-Files fangirl, even though I was pretty sure that it would suck some hairy man ass. And I was right. The only good thing about it was Mulder and Scully waking up in the same bed together.

And that's it for now, from Miss "I'm A Pretentious Bitch & I Know More Than You Do", yours truly.

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