Friday, February 27, 2009

Best. Name. Ever.

As anyone can prolly tell, (since this blog is like my stream of consciousness and all) this week has been a bad one. I'll most likely be writing some pretty deep shit about it soon, since I just finished midterms this week, too.

Sometimes I think I'm a little retarded because I think stuff like this is HILARIOUS:

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Porn Flowchart

I saw this a week ago or so and it made me laugh my ass off. As they say, it's funny 'cause it's true. Okay, sure most porn can be broken down like this, but I don't think that means anything bad, per se. There's only so much new shit you can do, 'cause sex is sex after all, right? It's been pretty much the same since Kama Sutra was written except for those crazy Japanese and German fetishes. What makes me laugh are those porn directors who think that what they're doing is ART, and act like emokids sitting in the rain with their mascara running. *shrugs*

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Breakin' Paradigms (c) Terry Tate



When I saw this at the market I was intrigued because it's apparently strictly for MEN. I wondered what the difference between this and the regular Pocky was, so I bought it, took it home and ate it. Apparently it's just dark chocolate as opposed to milk chocolate. As if only men like dark chocolate. Pfft. *I* liked it, so I'm not sure what it says about me.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Very Interesting...*strokes chin*

Today was a fail. Utter, complete, epic fail. The only deep thought of the day I had today was about this comic:



<3 The Boondocks. Now that I have TV I plan on watching it.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Today's Internet Lulz: WIN!



BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Whoever did that had the best sense of humor ever. I thought I was the only one who thought of shit like that.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

I. Am. A. NERD/GEEK/Retard/All of the above.

So, me and the manz invested in a new TV for the new place, a 37" LCD flatscreen. It's pretty big pimpin'. I really like it, and am glad we didn't get a plasma, 'cause not only are they dying out anyway, but they're huge energy hoggers and bad for the environment.

Of course, since we got it earlier this week, most of what we've done on it is play video games (COD: World at War, Star Wars: Force Unleashed, NBA 2k9) and watch some Sportscenter. However, manz reminded me that we don't need a region free player for the moment to watch all our foreign films, since we can just hook up my MacBook Pro to the TV since it's got a VGA input. SWEET! We did it last night for the first time in order to watch Drunken Master 2. I had to break manz off with some REAL Jackie Chan knowledge. (He had written Jackie Chan off after only seeing part of Rumble in the Bronx and Rush Hour. I gave him what Chris Rock calls the female beatbox and educated him.)

ANYWAY. So in reference to the title of the post? Here's what I decided to pull up first when we got the 'puter hooked up to the TV.



Looking at my level 70, pre-WotLK character made me kinda wanna get the expansion. I'm scared though. I know how I get with video games. Now is not a good time when I'm working 50+ hours a week, going to grad school 3/4 time, and in the middle of a season on NBA 2k9, and getting into CoD. Plus I need to start Rockband 2 and Street Fighter 4. There need to be more hours in the day for my video game playing habits.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Ain't No Future In Your Frontin' (c) MC Breed

I think this will be my last little segment on the Owned application, because I found a much better app to steal pictures from. This new app has people's profile pics. Some of them I cant believe are functioning members of society. It's gonna be awesome. Anyway, I found these a while back, thankfully this is the last of my backlog.

I don't know what the deal is, but seems like all kinds of people these days are trying to front like they're all tough. It's like Black Sheep's "U Mean I'm Not", all these people these days, are dreaming that they're hard.

1. Celtic Love
I immediately thought of Dart Adams when I saw this guy's jersey. Check this retard out. This is the text I found below his picture, I shit you not:
"Shaun 22, Chilling on the West-Coast, the best place to be. Im Living the D.R.E.A.M. Hit me up! HOLLA."

Um, wow dude. Just, wow. Who do you think you're fooling with your stonewashed jeans, fake ass Payless Timbs, and borderline mullet? Are you for real?


2. Peace sign: You're doing it wrong.
This guy isn't even throwing up the peace sign in a credible way whatsoever, and he looks awkward. Not to mention he looks like he should be turning his hand the other way all Asian tourist style. Or like Chun Li. Then he could jump up and down and giggle. Or not.



3. I Need A Gangsta Bitch (c) Apache
You're ALSO doing it wrong, you stupid bitch. Look at you, pretending you're "gangsta" because you have one black friend. You're not gangsta, you look like you're trying to cheat at Rock, Paper, Scissors.



4. Sexy FAIL
This bitch thinks that if she makes the fish face and puckers up she'll look hot. Not so much in your messy bathroom, girlfriend. I don't understand why SO MANY girls think puckering up or posing with their mouth open will look hot. Learn to practice in the mirror.



5. Yes, homo!
This dude totally thinks he's like OMGWTFBBQ awesome hot. The played out aviator lenses, the "artfully mussed" hair, posing with his top off...wow. Dude, you DO realize you're what they call a "twink" in the gay community, right? Gay men who love young looking dudes jack off to this picture.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Keep It On the Down Lowwww (No R. Kelly)



Just an FYI. For those of you that caught Marcus' first interview and care to read about the second, here it is. For those of you that didn't, carry on, nothing to see here.

I Luh Graffiti Art.

I'm still catching up on backlog of stuff I wanted to post. I saw this a while back and thought it'd be a worthy addition to my collection of pics of graffiti art, because I have a deep appreciation for it.


Maths and numbers are not my thing, as I've mentioned numerous times. However, I do know this is binary. And no, I don't know what it says.


This loading bar is amazing. It had me cracking up 4 SRS.


LMAO! *points and laughs at Windows users*


Oh, DOS. I remember those days...WAY BACK WHEN. Last time I did shit in DOS it must have been like...15 years ago?


OLD SKOOL RULES!


Oh snap, it's Link. I wonder how long that took.


<3 Super Mario Bros. I had an emulator on my computer for the longest time. I listened to some Dibiase a week ago and it made me all nostalgic.


Ah shit, Pac Man! I remember playing that first at the Round Table near my house back in the day when I was little and the fam would go get pizza. Good times.


Last but certainly not least. This is amusing to me on multiple levels.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Lulz of the Day

To balance out the fail of my last post, however amusing it was:



P.S. I've looked at this about 6 times now and laughed every time. I'm either lame, or it's pretty funny. Or both.

Facepalm of the Day



*sigh* I just hope this person is not a native English speaker.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Just Say No: Female Superhero Movies

Seeing as how there seems to be a rush by Hollywood to make more superhero movies due to last summer's success of The Dark Knight and Iron Man, there seem to be a lot of chicks out there deploring the lack of female superhero movies. Well, you know what? It's never going to work. Too bad. Any chick flick female superhero movie would be a failure. Hell, they already tried that with Elektra, and we all know THAT was a flop. She was fine in Daredevil, but certainly didn't deserve her own movie.


Anyway. I read an article about a month ago on the same topic, and the dude in question had a few salient points.

1. Wishing for more female superhero movies is kind of like wishing there was a Sex in the City knockoff, but with an all male cast. It'll never work.
He goes on to say that it won't work because men and women have different interests. This is true. Men (and odd random girls like myself) want to watch superhero movies because they're usually ACTION movies. And its men that make up the greatest portion of the demographic for comic books and comic book based movies. After all, its all the little boys that wish they could grow up and be superheroes, not little girls. One could argue that it's the way we're socialized, and that there are plenty of women, many of them tomboys, that wish they were superheroes, too. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. Here's an example: Let's say when Google Chrome was in beta, Google decided, "Hey, I know! Let's release this as being only available to Mac users!" Of course *I* would have been happy, but then, I'm a Mac user. But would it have been a smart business move? No. If you're developing something, whatever it is, you need to develop it to appeal to the majority of people in your demographic. And women simply are not a part of the comic book movie watching demographic, unless they watch with their boyfriends.



2. Even Wonder Woman was only a success because men supported her. The old Wonder Woman television show was a hit because men tuned in. Men tuned in because Wonder Woman was hot and watching her rope bad guys with her golden lasso fulfilled some sort of hot chick, dominatrix fetish fantasy. Wonder Woman may be a girl, but her audience was never really comprised of women.
I agree that this is also true. Most men I know that liked and watched Wonder Woman back in the day did so because Linda Carter was hot. I don't know whether or not any of the men I know that liked the show have delved deeper into their psyches to discover that they had latent hot chick dominatrix fantasies, but it is probably there. I think the girls out there that were fans thought she was cool and wanted to fly an invisible airplane and lasso people, but I don't think the prevailing desire for little girls at that time was hunting down bad guys, beating them up, and then hauling them off to the authorities. I don't think women want those things now. And that's what superhero movies are about. That's what comic books are about. Beating the bad guys and bringing them to justice.



3. Men and women simply have different interests. Men are interested in action movies with heroes blowing things up and saving the girl. Men are interested in imagining themselves as ass-kicking heroes. Women are interested in movies about relationships and romance and love.
Also true. Just like he said, men = action movies, women = rom-coms or just sappy love stories, period. Random story: I was in a Blockbuster trying to find something to rent over Christmas. I was with my manz, his sister, and her fiance. As we were trying to discover a happy medium of something we could all watch and enjoy, the guys wanted action movies, or dramas, or thrillers, and the occasional comedy. Manz sister wanted to watch generally chick flicks or comedies. What'd we end up with? Oldboy. Me and the manz had seen it before. I tricked his sister into wanting to watch it. Her: "Well, I guess we can watch this...what's it about?" Me: "Um, well...it's a thriller...did you like Fight Club?" Her: "Oh, yeah!" Me: "Well, its kinda like that!" I feel bad about tricking her because I think she's scarred from watching Oldboy, and I don't think she'll ever trust my opinion again. *sigh*

And sure, Dart Adams argues that a good female superhero movie could be done, if it was well written and well executed by a good director. However, the problem with a female protagonist in most movies is that there's usually some sort of love story involved. And if there isn't, then it's about relationships. I won't go on about sexism in general, but in our society most women are defined by the men in their lives. For example, Hillary Clinton was almost always referred to as Mrs. Clinton when she was a senator, she wasn't often called Senator Clinton. Or if women are not defined by their husbands, they're defined by their families or children. "Mother of...sister of...etc etc" You get the idea. That's not what comic books are really about. In any of the female superhero comic books I ever read, they were mostly written for men because all of them were voluptuous girls with tons of T&A. They were also mostly about kicking ass and bringing the bad guys to justice. Any of the relational stuff was purely engineered towards lovemaking, i.e. having the girls take their clothes off.

Anyhow, towards the end is where the author and I diverged on opinions. He ended with:

Rather than trying to twist and turn guy movies into something that might be interesting to women, consider making more movies for women instead. Quality movies like Sex and the City are all too rare, and its success over the summer proved what needs to be done. Stop trying to force feed women what men want, and consider giving them what women want instead. We don’t need more female superhero movies, we need more movies for females.

No. We. Don't. PLEASE no more movies "for females". How about we just need more movies that are both educational and interesting? More thought provoking movies? One of the reasons I loved Slumdog Millionaire is because it was eye opening about life in other countries (Of course it wasn't 100% realistic per se, but still...I'm sure plenty of Americans were shocked to see people in this day and age living in such squalor. That's real shit, people.) and also because you got a little of everything, some action, some suspense, and for the ladies, the love story. That's what I call win.

PS. I just sat here after writing this last sentence trying to recall which movies I really liked in 2008. Here's the short list:

The Dark Knight
Iron Man
The Fall
RocknRolla
Slumdog Millionaire

Er...yeah. Can we just get good original movies, period? No more adaptations or remakes, plskthxbai.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Yes, He Did!



I saw this shit on Newsweek's site this morning and LMAO'ed.

Yes, yes, for anyone who cares, I am planning on getting my shit together with some serious posts here. This weekend has been draining trying to get the rest of the shit we need for the new apartment, (God DAMN I hate shopping!) and then trying to catch up on all the shit I need to do at home. Groceries, laundry, and oh yeah...school work. Fuck. Why don't they tell you how hard graduate school is beforehand so you can think twice about it?

But still, this blog is like my brain, because it's like that fucking Faulkner's stream of consciousness. It's a big clusterfuck of all the shit I see and think about on a daily basis, and when the brain is a little braindead from too much work/school, then more of my brain is taken up with lulz. What can I say?

Saturday, February 14, 2009

V Day Post #2

Because it amuses me:


When you realize that you wipe your ass the same way after taking a dump, that's when you know it's TRUE love.



BEST. VALENTINE. EVER.

V Day

It's the stupidest Hallmark holiday ever. When the manz asked me what I wanted, I told him that we should totally buy each other new computer desks and chairs. Since we need them anyway. I like a little romance and all that now and again, but NOT when it's forced on a HOLIDAY. Eff that noise. So for the rest of you that dislike today, here you go:


Truer words have never been spoken.

These are just great because I imagine the awkward silences after each exchange and that makes me laugh.


Friday, February 13, 2009

Yes, It Goes to 11.



Is that fucking awesome or WHAT? I would totally buy something from this store, just to do my part to keep it in business. And I hate shopping. And people. That should tell you how cool this is. Srsly.

Snow Art. It's Cool. Trust Me.

Fucking great. This new project at work is barely getting off the ground and I'm already dead tired every day. Fuck this work shit. I fell behind in one of my classes, too, and now I've got 7 things I want to blog about but don't have the energy to. So I bring you the interwebs.

So in this last crazy snowstorm that England had last week, random snow art started popping up everywhere, and I found these pictures of it:


Auto-dinosaur! Kinda reminds me of Transformers: Beast Wars, but less shitty and more creative.


Art imitates life. I wonder how long THIS took.


This is really fucking cool. I can't explain why. It just is.


Spray it, don't say it!


I saved the best for last. The geek in me AND the little kid in me are currently duking it out as to which one of them is more excited about this one. I can't tell who's winning.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Best. Christmas Present. EVAR.


(Okay so it's a little blurry, but I'm tired, and I took the picture from my phone. So suck it.)

So we're finally all moved into the new place and I got around to hanging up the decorations and shit. The manz got this for me for Xmas as one of my presents. The absolute best part about this is that apparently there are all kinds of sites online that DL'ed Banksy's work, and then had them put onto canvas, and are now selling the shit to make a profit. However, since the manz knows that Banksy would definitely NOT be down with that (those of you familiar with him or his work know he's really anti-capitalism and refuses to sell any of his art) so he DL'ed the picture in question, and sent it to a place that puts digital photos onto canvas. All he paid for was the labor for the guy to do it. So it's awesome on TWO levels. 1. It's Banksy. 2. It's ANTI-CAPITALIST! DOWN WITH CAPITALISM!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Stupid Fucking Piece of Shit

While I was patting myself on the back for catching up to my backlog yesterday, I didn't take into account not just the drafts in Blogger, but ALSO, the folder on my desktop labeled: Writing. DERRRR FACE. I'm smart. S-M-R-T!

So now I'm working on like 5 backlogged posts of shit I wanted to write about, but was too god damned busy to write about. I've decided to FINALLY start writing my...life's work, which was initially going to be a book, but inspired by Mr. Quintin Brown aka Niccolus, I'm just going to do posts here on this blog. So I need to finish: Why No One Wants to See Female Superhero Movies, and Dear Bitches: How to Ack Right, Episode 1.

Meanwhile, I laughed my ass off at this video from The Onion yesterday. Mostly because I've always been a Sony mark myself, although I don't always buy shit I see in ads like the douchecanoe being interviewed.

Monday, February 9, 2009

I'm Coming Out! (c) Diana Ross

No, I don't mean in a GAY way, besides I think anyone who knows me (like the 3 people that check my blog on the regular) knows that there is NO WAY IN HELL I could ever be a lesbian. Tried it before when I thought dudes were retarded and girls were prettier, softer, and smelled better. Okay, well I still think that, but I realized that girls are even more retarded than guys, and way too drama oriented for my taste.

What I meant was, I'm going to be straightforward and honest about what I've done for a living. And for those 3 people, yes, THAT. I haven't really talked about it previously because, well, this blog posts to Facebook, where some of my "friends" are actually my soon to be in laws, and in respect to their delicate sensibilities I refrained from mentioning it much. However, as Popeye said, "I am what I am, and that's all that I am", and a big part of what I am now are the experiences that brought me here.

All that said, I decided to do a little interview for a friend from Twitter, Marcus. He asked me about my experiences while I was in production. Out of respect to those aforementioned in laws and Marcus himself, (I don't like to repost shit on my blogs from other people's blogs that I know work hard on them. That seems unethical, somehow.) if you're interested, here's the interview.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Lessons Learned From the Worst Movies of '08

Here's another one of my backlogged posts. I still think it's kinda relevant, seeing as how we're only at the beginning of the second month of this year. I figured it was worth posting here and also worth some more discussion, considering that most of what was said I wholeheartedly agree with.

Anyway, I read this article about a month and a half ago, and found it hysterical. It starts off with a high-larious intro:

"Unbearable romantic comedies, star vehicles with the parking brake stuck in the "on" position, sequels that nobody asked even be made much less wanted to see, and careers that should have ended years ago - 2008 was head-scratchingly bad when it came to the bottom of the cinematic barrel."

Lesson 1:
Jason Statham Must Be Stopped


Okay, I don't think he should be stopped from making movies period, but maybe he could have a little chat with his old buddy Guy Ritchie? Because Rocknrolla was OMGWTFBBQAWESOME. And as much as I <3 Jason Statham, I could not bear to watch him fail in: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Death Race, and Transporter 3. I think his agent might want to have a few words with him unless he wants his career run into the ground.

Lesson 2:
The Romantic Comedy Is Dead

(See my Chick Flicks post for more rants by me on the topic)

Turk182, the writer of this article, swerved a little too much on this post, only because he actually thought that "Definitely, Maybe, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall" were good movies. I didn't see them. I didn't want to see them. I did see Ghost Town because I love Ricky Gervais, but that wasn't necessarily a good movie either. It was ADVERTISED as a comedy, and instead I got an all around sappy, humanitarian themed chick flick. I could have done without the sap. He ended with: "It’s as if the scale for romantic comedies has been lowered by the amount of total junk on the bottom. Fool's Gold, Over Her Dead Body, and What Happens in Vegas were three of the most painful films of 2008 with characters who I wanted to see get together just so they wouldn't inflict their narcissistic, unbearable lives on others." LOL.

Lesson 3: Americans Can't Make Horror Movies Anymore

Check and mate. Nothing more needs to be said. All they can do these days is rip off of Asian cinema. Bastages.

Lesson 4: Almost Famous Is Getting Harder To Watch

I guess I wouldn't know, because I haven't seen it. *ducks popcorn thrown by other movie nerds* And I also don't care much for Kate Hudson. Maybe it's because I've never really been a fan of blondes. *shrugs*

Lesson 5: Lazy Comedy Is Not Funny

"The amount of comedians who sat back and expected their on-screen personas to make their entire film funny - rather than, you know, a great script, ensemble, or concept - was remarkable in 2008." Word, Turk182, word. I'd like to add January's comedic smash hit Mall Cop and Kevin James to his list of: "Mike Myers in The Love Guru, Eddie Murphy in Meet Dave, Larry the Cable Guy in Witless Protection, Ashton Kutcher in What Happens in Vegas".

Lesson 6: Make Sure Your Audience Really Wants a Sequel

I just wish Hollywood would get THIS lesson already, for fuck's sake. I watched that piece of caca "I Want to Believe", only because I'm such an X-Files fangirl, even though I was pretty sure that it would suck some hairy man ass. And I was right. The only good thing about it was Mulder and Scully waking up in the same bed together.

And that's it for now, from Miss "I'm A Pretentious Bitch & I Know More Than You Do", yours truly.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Moar Interweb Lulz

Today's interweb lulz are courtesy of Miss Shivvy.

COURAGE

What is the meaning of courage?
Is it to:
Fight a bull in a bullfight?
Drive a formula 1 car?
Fly a fighter pilot in combat?
Bungee jumping, wild water rafting?
Gamble your salary on a coin toss?
Insult the bouncer in a bar?
Insult your boss?
Bullshit........those are nothing!

Now THIS is COURAGE!!!


Wow. That dog has some serious balls. SRS.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Sir Mix A Lot/Spinal Tap: Ahead Of Their Time



So to balance out the fail from my last post, I've decided to write about some win. And what do Sir Mix A Lot and Spinal Tap have in common, you ask? They're men after my own heart, because they like girls with meat on their bones. Now, having meat on your bones has always until very recently been a bad thing, especially with the modeling industry and Hollywood setting the trends on what women are supposed to look like. I call bullshit on that personally, but hey, whatever. Women's health articles are always talking about how to help you lose weight. Next time you're at the market, check out the front of women's magazines. How many articles are listed about weight?

But, according to this article Harvard Medical found that "buttock and hip fat may protect women against type 2 diabetes...by releasing certain hormones. People with the apple shape, where fat is stored around the tummy, can be more prone to type 2 diabetes and heart disease. Those with pear-shaped bodies, where fat is collected in the buttocks, are less likely to have these disorders."

So at least I can say I have a lesser chance of developing type 2 diabetes. On that note, I leave you with a picture of Miss Alexis Texas' big bottom.