Thursday, December 31, 2009

Best Gift Idea Ever.

You know, as much as I hate my boss, I do love my company sometimes and the company culture. When I saw this I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF.

video

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Conversations With...

This is a new segment of my blog where I talk about discussions I've had with other people. These conversations are all going to be about shit I find interesting or thought provoking or funny in some way.

Now, most of these people you regla readers of my blog (all 3 of you) will know of and recognize, and some you won't, but pretty much everything I will be posting in this segment will be real conversations with real people. And so, I have the following disclaimers to make:

The following program contains content that may be inappropriate to some viewers. Parental discretion is advised. (But you already knew that.) The characters and events in this are purely fictitious, any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coinicidental. (Not really. Well, kinda sorta in a way, but not really.) No real animals were harmed in the making of this segment. (No, I don't know why I used this one, except it was hilarious when Pago mentioned it.)

Conversation #1:
So my first segment is both thought provoking and hilarious. The thought provoking shit is that I was talking to Stef about music at the wedding and at the reception. I told her I had a lot of dance type music already that I was sure all the chicks at the wedding will be into. Things I downloaded on the spur of the moment because the estrogen was high at that point in my cycle and whatnot. You know, things like Kelis' "Bossy", and the "Lady Marmalade" remix. So Stef said, there are two kinds of music you like, the kind you tell other people you like, and the kind you don't admit that you like. I fully fully realize this is the case, but had never thought of it before. And, well, because of the fact that I HATE posers and people who think they're too cool for everyone else, and because I ALSO hate hypocrites, I will now list 5 songs that I am ashamed that I like and would never previously admit to liking. (However, most of this stuff I only listen to when I'm slightly drunk. So there.)

Alanis Morrissette - "You Oughta Know" (When I was angry and drunk that song was the shit)

An American Tail Soundtrack - "Somewhere Out There" (Shut up. That shit was sad when I was a kid.)

Bow Wow - "Fresh Azimiz" (Yeah. I like it. A lot.)

Britney Spears - "Toxic" (Whatever, every chick loves that song in the club!)

Dave Matthews Band - "Crazy" (C'mon, we all have a little drunk overly emo college freshman inside of us)

Okay, I can't bear to go through the rest of the alphabet to admit my secret shame.



Conversation #2:


In a three party conversation with manz and Pago today, Pago mentioned that he was watching season 2 of Arrested Development. Then he mentioned how hilarious it was that the Bluth's lawyer ran over Tobias. At that point manz called when he was on lunch and the rest of the conversation went like this:

Me: (to Pago) How about the lawyer being the FONZ though? And he's so gay!
Pago: How do you go from being the Fonz to that?
Me: (to Pago) Idk but I think it's awesome.
Me: (to Manz) So Pago just asked me how you go from being the Fonz to a gay lawyer.
Manz: I think it has something to do with cock. The Fonz was an overcompensating alter ego.
Me: *dies*

Yes, one of the reasons I am marrying that man is his crass (and totally awesome) sense of humor.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Ho, Ho, Homina Homina





Courtney Cummz was the sweetest girl ever, and one of the most accommodating when I worked with her, but had not quite...developed this nicely yet. If only I would have known that her gaining 10 pounds would have turned out this way, I would have fed her skinny ass some cheezburgers back then. Ah well, hindsight is 20/20 as they say.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry Fucking Christmas

The rest of this week I decided to give ya'll (and me) some eye candy for the holidays.





I admit I stared at this pic for about 10 full mins before manz caught me.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Player X



So a few months ago some pimply kid came to our door looking for some help 'cause he's going to college and selling magazine subscriptions, blah blah blah. Well to get him the hell out and to make manz happy, I decided to get him a subscription to ESPN magazine, which has turned out to be a pretty good investment for what it was worth. (I think like $9?) Anyway, although I do like seeing the occasional half nekkid chick being sporty in there, there have been some interesting stories and segments, and the most recent segment that manz brought to my attention was the Player X segment they have. In the Sept '09 issue, they brought in a random NFL player, totally unknown, but also totally a star, who answers questions honestly. Their intro to it was the following:

I am Player X.

I'm a professional athlete, and I'm here to give the readers of The Magazine my perspective -- an NFL player's perspective -- as honestly as I can.

It's a little crazy of me, to be honest. No one knows I'm doing this -- not my teammates, coaches, family or representatives -- but I think it's important. Why? Because people talk about athletes all the time, but a lot of them don't know what they're talking about. I want to share what athletes think, straight from inside the locker room. I'm not here to snitch or call people out. I just want to show that the life of an athlete isn't always what it appears to be.


I just have to say, I LOVE this column. HThere's all kinds of speculation on the interwebs as to who Player X is, from Keith Bullock, Anquon Bolden, Larry Fitzgerald and Clinton Portis. But whoever this guy is, he's candid, sometimes brutally honest, and he talks some mad shit about some players and teams, but its good to hear the things he's said. So far he's talked about Mike Vick, rookie hazing, violence, team chemistry, how to spot NFL contenders and in this issue, Tiger Woods.

The main point of the article is that most NFL players are shocked at how poorly the whole Tiger Woods situation has been handled. He feels Tiger should have handled things more like Andy Pettite, instead of Roger Clemens. He also explained what goes down in within the NFL when something like this happens to an NFL player. For example, as crazy as the NFL is being on lockdown with all their rules and fines and bullshit, he did have this to say:

Every year the league briefs us on what we should do if we get in trouble. First rule: Avoid it. Don't get caught in clubs with bad track records. (Players are always talking with one another about problem joints.) Stay away when someone famous is throwing a party, especially an entertainer; famous people attract the wrong crowd. If it's a low key affair, fine. But if there's buzz, don't go.

Second rule: Know who to contact. All teams have player reps you can call 24/7, who can inform the team and the union that you have an issue. There are also former law enforcement people who work for every team as security personnel. (Manz says that the Browns had a Secret Service agent!) They can advise you on how to limit fallout. It doesn't hurt to get to know your local cops, too. I know players who've been pulled over for reckless driving, who've gotten into fights, and it was erased from the system. We all thought that Tiger, of all people, would get the same type of cover. Guess not.

It'd be great to find out one day who Player X is, but with as much honesty as he's put out there, from the inside, I don't think he'd ever real himself, unless he retired. Still, I wonder.

Friday, December 18, 2009

FUCK YO' FRIDAY: FUCK YO' RULES!

So this segment of my blog, which may or may not happen on Fridays, and may or may not happen weekly, is about the things I happen to be angry about that week. The things I'm angry about any given week, or day, for that matter, are numerous and sundry, as I'm sure any of you who either A: know me personally or B: have read this blog know quite well.

For today's Fuck Yo' Friday, I'm too angry about too many things to talk about in one post, but I thought I'd share a little bit of awesomeness that I heard this week.

In England, they have a show called X-Factor, which is basically their American Idol. Now, just like American Idol, when the person who wins X-Factor makes an album, it goes to #1 or to the top 10. Unfortunately, I think we all know that the people who win these types of shows are generally semi-talented, but lose whatever personality and charm they might have on their own when they become over-produced and over marketed generic pieces of shit.

A couple in England, Jon and Tracy Morter, have decided that this is bullshit and, because they're fans of Rage Against the Machine, have decided to launch a campaign keeping Jon McElderry, the recent winner of X-Factor off the charts for this Christmas. They've decided to try and make "Killing In the Name Of" #1 this Christmastime. I am so on board with this because I too am sick of the overproduced crap known as music these days, and also because "Killing In the Name Of" is my favorite RATM song. I tried to buy it to help out, but unfortunately there were issues in my itunes store going from US to UK.

Here's the Facebook group for the cause, if you're interested. And this is the recording done on BBC Radio with RATM themselves.

PS. I love that they cursed even though they were told not to.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

End of the Week Pron: Summertime!



I thought we could all use a little pick me up in this winter weather. I will say that I must be like a 13 year old dude on the inside, because chicks and cars in the same picture is like OMGWTFBBQ. Also, sure she's got a great ass, but...doesn't she have a nice smile too? To me this says, "Hey, I'm a nice girl, but I can be naughty too." RAWR!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

^5s: Last 5 TV Shows I've Watched

So as I've always said, I do feel that television is the opiate of the masses, and all that. However, because watching bad porn all day is horribly mind numbing, I've decided to make work go quicker by trying to watch television shows at work on the DL. Because, I figure, I need something to distract me from the monotony of hairy man taint, stretch marks, and bad tit jobs. But, you know, I've found that there's something to be said about television lately, because there do seem to be a lot of good television shows on the air. If I'm going to watch television, I do like television that either is really clever in the way they make you laugh, or else television that makes you think. So here's my ^5s list on the last 5 TV shows I've watched and the order in which I enjoyed them.

5. How I Met Your Mother

I started watching this show because I was told that manz and I remind people of Marshall and Lily. And my Samoan cousin Pago told me that NPH on this show is just classic. I was also told by Stef that this show takes some time to hit its stride, but its worth it once it does.
My verdict: You know what? They were all right. Manz and I have a relationship that is very similar to Marshall and Lily. NPH IS just classic on the show, and it did take a while to hit its stride, but its really very funny. I think in terms of personality I'm most like the character Robin on the show. And I think the one thing that annoys me on the show is Ted. MY GOD is he a poor pathetic example of a single man. The worst part is I think he's very similar to most single men these days. Which is sad.

4. 30 Rock

I had heard all about this show and how awesome it was for a couple years now, but of course I'm all about not believing the hype. And plus, it was billed as a sitcom, and I just HATE sitcoms. However, for some reason I had NO IDEA that Tracy Morgan was on this show. It was because manz told me that he was, that I even listened to Stef when she was telling me how hilarious it was. Of course I ran it by my Samoan cousin and he gave it the thumbs up as well.
My verdict: This show is really, really good. It was good from the beginning, they get great guest stars, Tina Fey is great, Alec Baldwin is AMAZING, and Tracy Morgan is hysterical. I wish I knew whether or not they ever wrote lines for him, because I swear that he just adlibs everything.

3. Big Bang Theory

So an ex-friend who's now been sanctioned first put me up on this show, but he hyped it so much I almost didn't want to watch it. I finally did after the recommendation of a fellow geek back when I was on Twitter. I was prepared to be disappointed because whenever pop culture portrays nerds or geeks its never realistic.
My verdict: This show is fucking amazing if you are a nerd or geek yourself, or if you ever knew one. It's very true to life in terms of what nerds and geeks are like, and what their hobbies are. And the characters are likable, and the plots are funny and upbeat, but not in a patronizing, "we have to hit you over the head because you're a stupid American" kind of way.

2. Modern Family/Arrested Development



So I tried out Modern Family on a whim, because Stef told me that it was a show on network television showing a gay couple raising a child. And that it was hilarious. Pago also informed me this was the case, and one of them, I don't remember who, said it was reminiscent of Arrested Development. Now, I had never watched AD till this year, because I had been putting off. The reason why is because manz had done so much hyping of that and "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". Well, we tried "It's Always Sunny" first, a couple of years ago, which I found to be a dismal failure. It was nowhere near to being this epically hilarious television show that I expected it to be.
My verdict: Both shows are GREAT, and they seem to have a similar feel to each other. I love the random wacky humor, and the "You could never guess the plot of this episode" type of hijinks because it's always a toss up, but fortunately, it's also always funny to me. I've gotten never ending laughs over both of these shows. Modern Family continues to totally astonish me with just how good a show it is. I guess the reason I love them both is because they're both about family, and dysfunctional sort of families, but they're never really overly gay. Although I admit an episode of Modern Family left me feeling like EXTRA gay and like I might have had some dust in my eye or something.

1. Battlestar Galactica

Oh, Battlestar! How I wronged you for so long! How I acted a fool by not wanting to be a bandwagoner! I put it off for 4 years, but finally succumbed to the pressure of watching BSG this year after manz raved about it, as well as Dart. We had a gift certificate to Borders and after I bought a fuck ton of books I still had $20 left so I bought the miniseries. Let me tell you right now, that experience changed my life.
My verdict: This show is the BEST GOD DAMNED SHOW I have ever seen. No contest. Yes, I don't watch much TV, but the last show I lvoed this much was the X-Files in its heyday, and I have to say, BSG outstripped X-Files at its finest. Better writing, better acting, better special effects, better action, and a FAR better ending. It really did change my life and how I view sci-fi shows. (Before now, corny.) It's the best damned show I've ever seen, and I highly advise those of you that haven't watched it to do so. STAT.

Well, because I've watched so much TV lately, I feel the need to detox by going on a reading binge. I just read some pretty amazing comics and books I'll be talking about soon.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

*le sigh*



You know what's sad about this piece of art? That it's basically true. I think that's the worst part for me because I feel as if we (and by we I mean Americans) are so obsessed with multimedia and pop culture that we don't care about anything else. As I've said before, television is the opiate of the masses. It helps us not think of all the terrible things going on in other parts of the world. It keeps us distracted. And it works. To get away from the horrible environment of my workplace, I've been watching a lot of TV shows, mostly comedies, to keep me from being angry and wanting to do some sort of physical violence to my boss. But that's another story.

But I figure as long as there are people out there who use their brains to really think about things, and to be curious as to what's going on in the world away from their TV sets, then the human race can't be as doomed as I fear, right?

Friday, December 11, 2009

FUCK YO' FRIDAY: FUCK YO' OLD PEOPLE!



Dude. I had a fucked up week. An upper respiratory infection that's been hanging around for weeks turns into a RAGING sinus infection. That shit was so hardcore disgusting the Physician's Assistant took one look inside my sinuses and VISIBLY recoiled. I don't know what all is in there, but it must be some pretty horrific looking pus. When I was at the doctor's office there was a gang of old people sitting around being old and cranky and ridiculously stupid. It was all the kind of people who were talking shit to Obama about the public option and not taking away their Medicare. Idiots.

Anyway on top of all this bullshit I had to write a 10 page paper for one class and a 5 pager for another class, due on the same day. How fucked up is that? And if you wanna know how truly fucked up that is, Katlin, who is like that ONE SMART BASTARD in all your classes who throws off the curve (no, that's not me you fuckwad) even SHE didn't know what the fuck to do with this 10 page paper.

Lastly I had to tell the people at my internship that the old Vietnamese man, who's 87, decided he wanted to play a game of grabass with me to end the nice time we had trying to help out the community. You know how fucked up and awkward that is? Telling two separate people the account of how a shriveled old man decided to grab my ass TWICE, and I was so confused about it I didn't knock him the fuck out? If you're wondering why I didn't knock him the fuck out, it's because the first time it happened I thought it was an accident. Then the second time it happened I had these thoughts in my head: "What the fuck? Did that just happen? Why the fuck is an 87 year old man even thinking about asses? How can a man that old even be pervy?" And by the time I was done thinking it, we had already gotten to my car. Either he was smooth, or I was ridiculous for even thinking that much and not knocking him out for laying hands on my person.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Brazilian Booty

You know, I don't normally like blondes. And I don't normally like tan lines. But there is something MIGHTY FINE about this girl.



Meow.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Sgt. Roger Murtaugh, I salute you!

As people who watch How I Met Your Mother may know, there is a thing called the Murtaugh list, which is comprised of shit that you are too old for. I've realized that one of the things on that list is drinking and walking around, and then staying up till 3 AM.

Manz and I went down to South Park to hang with our peeps, during what they call a Walkabout. It's basically a time where all the vendors in the neighborhood display their wares, and everyone in the neighborhood comes out to socialize and sample the wares available. For me, that consisted of a hot toddy, a shot at the bar, an ass kicking Dirty Shirley, mixed with a bean and cheese burrito, a chocolate cupcake, and a s'more. Yes, a s'more. How awesome is it that I got to roast my own marshmallow and put it together myself? I felt like I was 10 again. Fucking sweet.



Unfortunately this is kinda how I feel this morning. But, I don't regret it. Good food, good drinks, good friends, all in all it was a good and fun evening, which worked out well 'cause I've been having a FUCKING TERRIBLE WEEK. I just hope this means that the coming week is better than the last. Because if it isn't I am so going Falling Down on THAT ASS.

PS. I would like to say at this time that I really miss Mel. I love the girls but I am not too girly, so watching Made of Honor for part of the evening kind of did make me want to gouge my own eyes out. Thank god there was discussion of sports, comic books and video games the rest of the evening to prevent me from ovulating repeatedly. (^5 to you, Ian!)

Friday, December 4, 2009

FUCK YO' FRIDAY: FUCK YO' EMO ATTITUDE!

So this segment of my blog, which may or may not happen on Fridays, and may or may not happen weekly, is about the things I happen to be angry about that week. The things I'm angry about any given week, or day, for that matter, are numerous and sundry, as I'm sure any of you who either A: know me personally or B: have read this blog know quite well.



It's been almost 2 weeks since I posted here, because I was having a kind of emo sort of moment. I'm having a hard time finding a new job, especially one within my field. Of course things will be different once I actually get my Master's, but I'm finding more and more reasons to leave my current job. Which puts me in a bind because I won't be graduating for 6 months. I haven't had to actually search for a job for several years - the good thing about working in porn is the fact that it's a very small community, so it's easy to get work. And no, I don't want to continue working in porn. And it's not that I don't like porn, because I do, I love it. Its just that working in porn isn't what you think it is. Watching porn all day does NOT mean you get to watch all the chicks you like fucking your clone all day. It means having to watch all the gross fetish stuff you don't like, the type of sex you don't like, and worst of all, a combination of the two - in my case, low class whores with ass herpes fucking older men with hairy assholes. If you had to sit there for 8 hours a day watching that shit all day, you wouldn't think watching porn was an awesome job, either. (However, where can I sign up for a job watching only my favorite porn chicks fucking a clone of me all day? That's what I'm tombout!)

So, turns out finding a job in my field, Mediation/Conflict Resolution is a lot harder than I thought it might be (again, especially with no Master's.) It sucks because I don't know anyone, and this is the first time I've had to job hunt for a while like I said, AND because it's like getting a job for the first time in your life. Why? Because you HAVE NO EXPERIENCE. All these awesome jobs doing things I want to do are out there, and not ONE PERSON will even have me interview because I've got no professional experience in the field. SO frustrating. Most of the jobs in the field I'd like have to do with helping what they call "at risk children/teens" aka "kids who live in the hood" not fall into the hood lifestyle, or take up with gangs. I want to do work in the underrepresented communities to help people who NEED help. I want to help people come together and help people of different nationalities who have to live in the same neighborhoods learn how to respect each other's lives and cultures.

Lastly it just seems like random shit that isn't necessarily great keeps happening. I haven't had a piece of good news in a while, and I feel like I'm due. I know my life doesn't suck BALLS right now, by any means. I'm much happier in most ways than I've been in a long time. But man, can't a sista catch a break here?

And, oh yeah, I got to hear from my family this week, too. Nothing like a maniacally crazy family tracking your ass down and contacting you to really just fill you up with holy holiday spirit. Or in my case, filling you up with rage and homicidal desire.

Anyway, I guess what took me out of the funk was the very simple idea that I have to keep remembering every so often. It's really all about attitude and your perspective on things. I can be pissed off and frustrated and depressed simultaneously like I have been for the last couple weeks, (and c'mon, I'm Korean...do we really need that combination when I'm already overly aggressive and violent?) or I can decide to be happy about the things I have and try not to feel like hulking out every time my boss acts like a passive aggressive biatch. I'm gonna try and stay positive and see if this works. If not, don't be surprised when I show up on the news.

PS. Anonymous person who said "more posts" - this one was for you.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Gaywatch!

I'm an avid Daily Show watcher, and I have to say that nothing amused me more last week than seeing Mick Foley saying he'd protect Will Phillipps, the 10 year old boy who refused to say the Pledge of Allegiance until gay men and lesbians also had equal rights under the law. Two things of note on this: One, that I really did think that Will Phillipps parents put him up to it, or somehow influenced him in some way. At least, I thought that until I heard him speak. He's extremely articulate. The second item of note is that Mick Foley was awesome back when he was Mankind and was one half of the Rock and Sock Connection.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Gaywatch - Peter Vadala & William Phillips
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealth Care Crisis

Sunday, November 22, 2009

2012 - The Disaster



As I've said before. I shit you not, but I will leave this country and deny I'm an American wherever I go if this happens.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

^5s: My Top 5 Favorite Pornstars EVAR.

In no particular order, here are my top 5 favorite pornstars of all time. I didn't exactly have a criteria or anything for choosing them, except for my opinion on their sex appeal and attitude. It's different for each of them.

Dana Vespoli



Dana is the first porn girl I ever really was super into. Honestly the reason is because she's got a SRSLY pretty face, she's got a great ass, and most of all, she's got that old Hollywood starlet smoky voice. I never met her personally, but she's married to Manuel Ferrara and he loves her to death. I actually admitted to him once that I had previously had a crush on her. He was flattered.

Penny Flame



Ah, Penny Flame. She was amazing to work with. She had a great attitude in general, about porn, about life, about sex. She had so much sex appeal in person I was pretty impressed, because that's usually not the case for pornstars. She kept trying to make out with me but I just laughed and blushed a lot. Yeah, I did.

Roxy Deville



We must have shot her like 6 or 7 times at least, and she was always great. She didn't have the kind of body I generally like in a girl, having not enough curves or meat on her bones, but I liked her look A LOT. She hinted pretty often that she was really into girls, like REALLY into them, and actually tried to make plans that her, Gianna (see below) and I go to an all day spa with saunas and such. I admit, I punked out on that one. To be hanging around those two naked all day? What the WHAT? I was just thankful I didn't have a penis because that could have gotten kind of embarrassing walking around on set. ('Cause honestly, being on set is all business. The other people on set could give a shit about the nudity and fucking, and usually only the performers are actually excited about anything.)

Gianna Michaels



Oh Gianna. How I love thee. Let me count the ways. Over 9000. We must have shot her about the same amount of times as Roxy, but my god, it wasn't until I saw her...oh...maybe the 6th time, that I actually got over my total fear of talking to her. She has PRESENCE. When she walks into a room, everyone stares at her. Her and I went shopping a few times, and had dinner a few times, and MAN, this girl, with no makeup on, wearing a t shirt and jeans or even sweats...her sex appeal and confidence just POURS off of her in waves in a 100 yard radius. Not to mention, she's got the most amazing attitude. She kinda grew up in the school of hard knocks, so she was pretty hood. And I don't mean she was ghetto, but you could tell that she was a tough chick.

Keeani Lei



Last but not lease, Keeani Lei. I have to say, there's nothing about her I find attractive whatsoever. I mean, she's very pretty, being hapa and all, but other than that? I mean, if you've got yellow fever, then this is the kind of girl for you...but I've never liked small and petite girls. BUT. As far as her awesomeness factor? The girl skates, she surfs, and she's a total nerd otherwise. When she showed up on set it was crazy because I had NO IDEA who she even was. She had glasses on, and she looked pretty plain, I admit, actually nerdy. I totally thought she was there from an agency or the location management company. She cleans up well, as you can see, but her and I had the best behind the scenes interview because we talked about movies and anime. I found this video of her playing Guitar Hero, and I don't know about you, but it was kind of a turn on for me.

A PC Case Mod I Actually Like

Now I think we all know I'm a bit of an Apple fangirl, although I consider myself bi-platform because I will use a PC, and as a matter of fact they're better for some things than Apples and vice versa. Everything has it's place. However, I've never really been into all the case modding I've seen a lot of my fellow geeks do, but I have to admit this is pretty cool.



Sunday, November 15, 2009

Horror Soul 2!

I think the only person who remembers my time on the music blog dumpin.net would be Dart Adams, but that's where Dart and I met. I was doing some posts over there on my thoughts on music and whatnot. During that time I didn't really post much here, till I realized (ironically because of Raven Mack) that I didn't have to post all kinds of long notes to the insurgency here, I could really just make this blog about whatever I wanted. Which is what it's become.

Anyhow, I was hit up this weekend because El Gran Queso at dumpin.net sent me an email about a project he's working on right now called Horror Soul. I'm not exactly sure why he thought THIS blog would be a good place to post it ('cause really, like how many people read this blog anyway...maybe 2 on the regular?) To use his phrasing: "it's a continuous mix of slowed down soul music (not quite screwed, and definitely not chopped)." It's some interesting ish, so check it out here:



http://www.sendspace.com/file/3ue97j

Friday, November 13, 2009

FUCK YO' FRIDAY: FUCK YO' SUPRIZE BUTTSECKS!



As a matter of fact no, I don't like it, not at all.

For today's FUCK YO' FRIDAY, I say FUCK YO' SURPRIZE BUTTSECKS! Because honestly, who likes it when life randomly decides to give it to you from behind with no love, no lube, and no understanding? Yeah, that's right, NOBODY.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

SRSLY?

So like starting last week for some reason, I was feeling extra gay because last week's Modern Family totally made me feel like I had something in my eye. Then for some reason I didn't post for like 6 days. (I have no idea why, but not posting seems to be related to me feeling gay.) THEN TODAY...! I heard a story on NPR talking about the greeters for all the members of the Armed Forces that come back from deployment. This Marine who doesn't have a family was sad to return from deployment because he doesn't have a family who'd be able to greet him, and he said that when he did see the greeters he felt so much better because he knew someone appreciated his time in Iraq and Afghanistan. I FELT SOMETHING IN EYE AGAIN!



WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

*runs around in circles tearing her hair out*

Humpday Pron

I don't think this picture needs a caption of any kind because it's awesomeness speaks for itself. If, however, you feel you have a caption that would add to the glory of this picture, please do let me know.

Friday, November 6, 2009

FUCK YO' FRIDAY: FUCK YO' EVERYTHING!

This week has been a rough one, kinda going through some shit (Marcus if you're out there, I could use some of your good vibes this way sir!) and its been hard on me. So, as they say laughter is the best medicine...so if you're going through some stuff yourself, have a laugh:

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Raditude

There are a lot of reasons why I love Weezer, but I think these two speak for themselves.

First, their latest album cover:



And also, their Weezer Snuggie Infomercial.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Star Wars: Uncut

I just heard about this project, and it's pretty fucking cool. Let me drop some knowledge on those that don't know. It's a fan film where fans submit their favorite scenes remade however they decide to, in 15 second increments. So, every 15 secs, and new clip from a different fan, all edited together to make the original Star Wars movie. Check out more info on the Star Wars: Uncut website.

Here's a trailer for what they've got so far:

Monday, November 2, 2009

Spidey Sense Fail

Does his Spidey Sense also tell him when someone's about to make his asshole gape? I wonder. You know what else I wonder? What the hell is all that liquid? Was there a gangbang of Spidey that ended in like a 5 guy creampie?

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Twisted Princesses

I think most of you are aware by now that I am not a fan of Disney nor do I support their products in any way, shape, or form if I can help it. I am a HUGE Tigger fan, but gave away most of the paraphernalia a few years back when I first heard of the horrible business ethics and human rights violations Disney was committing. In any case, I've never been a huge fan of the Disney Pricesses, mostly because it took them forever to add some colored women into the mix, and also because I actually AM a huge fan of the real origins of the fairy tales that Disney misappropriates and intensely dislike the whole "Disney" ending to the stories I read growing up. (What with this whole Disney buyout of Marvel, I'm also none too amused, although they've said that at Marvel it'd be business as usual...but we'll see.)

In any case, I've seen a few really great things on the Disney Princesses lately that I thought I'd share:


I love them being deconstructed like this. It's sick how this bullshit is fed to young girls and we're basically brainwashed to believe that we can't really get by without beauty or using our sexuality in some way. Even Belle, the smartest of the Princesses, can't get by solely on her brains, after all, she's aka Beauty, isn't she? This is just one of the reasons why there are so many bad relationships today, because as children, we're fed these stupid ideals of what women should be, and what women need to do or be to get men, and what relationships should be, just happily ever after.

I love these twisted interpretations of the Princesses, I find them all much more attractive and interesting than the originals.


I love that she's got a fork for a hand, and that there's seaweed attached to her tail. PLUS that her pet is a piranha. I want a pet piranha.



She'd make a great hookup for Scarecrow, wouldn't she? I'm thinking that Dr. Crane would really think she was smokin' hot.



Emo Sleeping Beauty is Emo. I love the mascara that's run down her cheeks and the black lipstick. Awesome/



Wow, I'd totally poke that hontas, if you knowwhati'msayinnnn. She looks super hot and super wicked.


Of course I had to save the Asian for last. She looks like a real warrior, her sword is cool, and I also want a pet dragon along with my pet piranha.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween: Have a Trick!

The sex having lady kind, I mean. But because it's Halloween, I have to show you guys a random screenshot I saw the other day that really freaked me out. I mean, she looks like she is gonna bite this dude's cock RIGHT OFF.




Oh, and also, because it is Halloween and all, a holiday I actually kinda like, any of you kids from the 80s (or emo kids) will appreciate this:

Friday, October 30, 2009

FUCK YO' FRIDAY: FUCK YO' SIZE 0!

Because of the wedding in 6 months, I'm trying my damndest to get back down to a reasonable size after all my medical issues. But FUCKING HELL it is hard. Manz and I started portioning our meals, eating 5 times a day, not eating after 7, and of course, no starches. And I started teaching him Tae Kwon Do. Since well, for those of you that may not know me as well, Tae Kwon Do runs in the family, and my dad used to compete and has been teaching for like 30 years. I got my black belt (after failing once, quite miserably in front of a lot of people) when I was 15, and taught till I was about 22, but haven't trained actively since I was about 25. It's pretty painful getting back into it, but I think martial arts is the best workout. But then I'm obviously biased.

Anyhow, what does this all have to do with today's Fuck Yo' Friday? Well, because I certainly do not plan on being a size 0, but going down to about an 8/10, which is about where I was before all the issues happened. As you all know, I'm not a fan of small women, or skinny women, so its not attractive to me. Its even lamer that people still seem to feel that skinny is hot, but whatever. Meat on the bones is a good thing, and it always will be in my book. And so I give you more rump roast for your mental digestion:

Thursday, October 29, 2009

*DEAD*

There is no other reaction you will have when you see these videos. My boy Pago already knows of them 'cause I shared them with him, but this Frenchie, Remi Gaillard, is a fucking comedic genius. Pago put it that it's like candid camera and jackass had a love child, and it totally is, but so much better. Manz and I laughed our asses off to this, and the ones below actually made us CRY. I first saw the Bat video, and it went on from there.


The best part is when he's at the gas station.


This shit is so random and funny to me, especially his shoes, check out his shoes.


I played Mario Kart a few times so don't 100% remember it all, but this was still hysterical.

Saved the best for last:

Dude, this one, I was DYING. If you have EVER played pac man, your head will explode from all the comedy in this video. Srsly.

Thursday Pron: WTF is this BS?

Do you guys like how overwhelmed I was by the outpouring of gayness earlier this week that for 3 days I couldn't even do a post in this blog? Jesus. Anyhow, to compensate for the gayness, I have to fill the rest of the week with porn.

Anyway, I love how when girls get into the business at first, they have no idea how to pose or make face. I laughed my ASS OFF when I saw these because of how NOT sexy I think they are.


She doesn't look sexy at all in this one, as a matter of fact it looks like she's about to tell you she's got a headache and wants to go to bed. Despite the fact that she's topless.



Okay, and on this one? Why does she look like she's giving herself a breast exam? I mean, I know what I said about appreciating the boobies this month and all, but REALLY. Girls giving themselves breast exams is not really that sexy. I mean, girls touching their own boobies is hot, but not when they're looking for malignant lumps of cancer.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Monday Gayness: TL;DR Inc!

Those of you who haven't been spending time with me IRL in the last couple of months might want to skip this post due to its TL;DR nature.


A warning that this post is full of the gay.


So in the last few months I've been experiencing a lot of good and bad things in my life and in regards to friends, and learning a lot about myself and how I relate to other people. I found that for a long time I used to have this very strong belief that I can only be friends with someone if I have stuff in common with them - kind of a male belief when you think about it, because men traditionally need to have things in common with their friends so that way they can get together to do things, like play video games, watch the game, play sports, etc. Women generally can maintain friendships over long distances because all they need to do is to be able to talk and connect with each other, but men need to bond over activities that they do together.

Since as I think most of you know, I'm not very feminine, I held a bit too strongly to the belief that I could never make friends with someone who didn't like comics, sports, video games, the tv shows and movies I liked, or someone who didn't read the same books. It took me some time to realize that if I truly AM on the path to (or at least trying to be) self realization, then what I need is to NOT stay stagnant and in my comfort zone. Making friends with people who like different things than you do challenges your thoughts, beliefs and perceptions. Which is ultimately a good thing and makes you a more well rounded individual. Which is also something I'm trying very hard to be.

I also have always felt the need to make snap judgments on people and size them up right away. Admittedly, this is because I've come from the school of hard knocks, where its every man for himself, and fuck everyone else. Those of you that know me know why this is, and I've been trying really hard to be more objective when I meet people, instead of instantly prejudging them. It's taken a lot of time, and I think manz has been the hardest campaigner for this, because he's always emphasized, as he did again on Saturday night, that you size people up and judge them immediately when you perceive them to be ENEMIES. And that not everyone right off the bat should be judged as such, especially not if I ever plan on having amicable relations with them. I believe that I'm almost always right in my judgments, (you kind of have to be when you grew up like I did, otherwise you don't survive) but there has been one time, most recently, where I was so, so, SO wrong, and I've never been happier to be.

When my boss first hired the new girl at my job I was both glad and pissed. Glad because misery loves company, and pissed because according to him, said girl was kinda a friend and he'd known her for a few years. I girded myself up for battle the first day she arrived. With my previous mode of thinking, I sized her up, deemed her to be WAY too peppy an individual, and believed that she spied on me all day for my boss. After about a month of seeing her 4 days a week, for 8 hours a day, I realized she was actually pretty nice.

Fast forward a few months to last Saturday night. Manz and I were on our way home after spending the whole evening hanging out with our wedding photographer, her boyfriend, their tenants, and Stef and her besty Megan. It started out as a contract signing, and ended up being a really awesome night hanging with amazing people. It was such a grown up get together, I couldn't believe it. Good music, good wine, good people, GREAT discussions. (Ranging from poo talk to a discussion of semiotics.) During the night, Erin, our photographer, (who Stef referred us to) ended up calling Stef Miss South Park (yes, they actually live in a town called South Park) because she's so popular. Anyhow, on our way home I was musing on all the things I just said, and noted that Stef has become a really great friend, and that I was so glad I hadn't been too much of a suspicious bitch with her, and that she put up with the suspicious bitchiness enough to get through to actually becoming a friend. Manz noted that the reason why I liked Stef so much, and most likely the reason why she's Miss South Park is because she has so many of the characteristics of a good person and a great friend...which is so true. And as they say, birds of a feather flock together, and every one of her friends I've had the opportunity to get to know have ended up being awesome, too.

I'd like to shout those people out here, too, in no particular order:

Melody: I'm really sad you're leaving, but I know you really need to and plus I think it will really help rejuvenate you. But I'm hoping when you get back we can watch movies together and you can bake cake for me. :D (I'll make you Korean BBQ, it'll be a fair trade)

Megan: Brad and I have decided that what's so awesome about you is your belief in your own awesomeness. Well that, and your being an asshole with fat kid mentality. I can SO get down with that. And also I'm glad Stef volunteered your help for the wedding, because I know I'll need it.

Amanda: Team Gimp represent! The other night when you mentioned not going out much to restaurants because you don't have anyone to go with - that's so going to end when we move down there, because there's nothing Brad and I love more than finding new restaurants that are yummy and cheap. Prepare yourself.

Shellie: You've been so sweet and supportive of me and understanding of the bullshit with my parents, and honestly I wish my mom was half as awesome as you are. Seriously.

Shawn: You sir, are great, but you should totally be less crazy when you've been drinking. And you should totally recognize more often how great your mom is.

Dayna: I was glad I stayed a bit to talk to you last week at dinner at the Station. Knowing another chick from the hood is fucking awesome and I hope we get to hang more often.

Kristy: Obviously awesomeness runs in your family, and I look forward to going boyfriend hunting with you in Hillcrest, as well as taking you on as my paduwan when we move.

Last but not least, Stef:
I'll just repeat that STEVE has done one thing right in hiring you and I'm so glad he did. Thank you SO SO SO much for being a friend and introducing me to your friends and also of course for being such an awesome decision maker as the wedding gets closer.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

AMGG A-TEAM!!!!!

At first I wasn't too keen on the idea of the A-Team remake because I FUCKING LOVED THAT SHOW when I was a kid. But this picture had me squealing like a little girl with excitement. I hope it's good, and I'll even overlook that it's being directed by Joe Carnahan. (Who directed Smokin' Aces...which wasn't great.)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

End of Week Pron: Ride 'Em



I'm sure there are all sorts of clever remarks one could make here, but I'm kinda at a loss for words, myself.