I often wish murder/assault with a deadly weapon/aggravated assault weren't illegal. OR I wish I could be one of these two:
On a sidenote, I prefer to be Punisher sometimes, since what Punisher's got over Batman though is that he's totally okay with killing baddies. Batman usually tries to apprehend them instead of killing them. Best believe he puts the hurtin' on them before he turns them over to Commissioner Gordon.
So where does this come from? Things are crazy up in the San Fernando Valley these days, especially on the Western end, up in Chatsworth where I work. Monday there was the huge crash of a freight train and a Metrolink, which happened a mile away from my office.
Tuesday though, I was getting gas in Chatsworth on my way home. I pull up to the pump, get my wallet out, get out of the car, start paying for the gas. I've got my phone headset on and I see a car pull up behind me. Not unusual because it was an Arco, which out here in LA usually has THE cheapest gas. Anyway, as I start pumping the gas, I notice this old man in the car behind me, flailing his arms around and throwing me the ice grill. I had no idea what he was doing or why he was mad at me.
I get into the car to wait for the gas to finish pumping, and I notice him getting out of his car and looking at the pump and stomping around out there. I open the door because I see him casting angry looks in my direction. Still sitting, I turn around and say loudly, "IS THERE A PROBLEM?" and this guy kind of walks towards me and starts yelling in broken English at me, asking me what the fuck my problem was and why am I wasting everyone's time. I was puzzled because the gas was pumping...I wasn't sitting there just letting people wait. I pointed this out to him, saying, "I have NO idea what you're talking about, the gas is pumping, so just wait." Then he starts going on about the fact that I'm on the phone and wasting time and gets angrier and angrier...of course not coming close to me or anything, but from a safe distance. I finally just said "Whatever, the gas is pumping so relax already!" Well he decided it was time to resort to more cursing and insults. Now, I know I could stand to lose a little weight, but he took it upon himself to comment on that fact by flailing his arms around more and walking back to his car, saying as he walked away, "Yeah whatever you fucking fatass!"
Okay, that was crossing the line on multiple levels. #1, not even my mother's called me that, and she has had no problem calling me every other name in the book. #2, I AM a big boned female, but I hardly think I qualify as a fatass. #3, This old man was not very good looking, very overweight (his gut hung over his genital region) and had a lot of pretty gross looking moles and skin tags all over his face. Because I'm immature, I said, "Takes one to know one buddy! Thanks a lot!" and slammed my door.
I got back inside and tried to calm down. Don't get me wrong here...I'm no wilting violet of a girl. As I mentioned, I'm a big girl. As I've also mentioned before, my dad taught me martial arts from when I was a wee little tyke, and after getting my black belt (and best believe he didn't hand it to me, I had to train twice as hard as everyone else, that fucker), I know a fair bit on how to defend myself. And also how to open up a barrel of whoop ass if necessary. (Once you get your black belt you learn all about pressure points and all about where to hit and how hard to knock someone out. Or worse.) Its not a fact I broadcast, but there it is nonetheless. I really, really, really wanted to get out of my car and kick that old man's ass. However, I thought about a few things. #1, there were tons of people there, so if I told the old man to get out of his car, it'd be obvious that it was me that provoked him and not vice versa. #2, my dad told me way back when after I got my black belt, that I should really try not to get into any fights in public because if it ever became known that I had gotten my black belt, I could be brought up on charges of assault with a deadly weapon. (I thought he was BSing me, but I later I asked a cop friend of mine and he confirmed it. Bah.) And I don't want to go to jail for some stupid old man.
Finally I HAD to say something, especially after he took it to a personal level. So I got out and went over to his car and leaned over so we were face to face. I asked him what his problem was. Of course when I confronted him, he leaned back into his seat and tried to act all nice like he HADN'T just insulted me. He told me that I was wasting his time and everyone else's time talking on the phone instead of pumping my gas, I told him the gas was pumping right at that moment and asked him wtf exactly did he expect me to do. He couldn't really articulate himself very well but showed a very different demeanor than when he was yelling at me earlier. I basically told him that I didn't give a shit that he felt his time was being wasted, and why the fuck would he think that his time being wasted was MY problem, exactly? He just kept spluttering away at me and basically coming back with the "NO U" type of responses, so I just walked away disgustedly.
I mean, wtf was that all about? Why do people always talk shit when they're walking away? Why do they always bitch out when you confront them? I've actually had a few less explosive incidents lately as well when people were pissed at me for some reason or another, and made angry noises and gestures but when I looked them in the eye, they look away and drive off. What is that about? If you're gonna step up, then man the fuck up and do it. If you're not, then don't even try.
Word. Asian Girls Ain't Nothin' to Fuck With.