Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Can I get a "fuck you"...?

Well, I've certainly been called unladylike many times throughout the years, and here's one perfectly good reason why. I think fart and poo jokes are funny. If you do, too, awesome...I salute you. If you don't, and can't enjoy them, think its unladylike for me to joke about them, and find them perfectly disgusting, I have a pretty little picture for you to look at:

Anyway, in high school...many years ago we had a handout passed out simply titled...The Shit List. I thought it was hilarious then, and still think so now.

The Shit List

Ghost Shit
The kind where you feel the Shit come out, but there is no Shit in the toilet.
Clean Shit
The kind where you Shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Shit
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave Shit
This happens when you're done Shitting and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Shit some more.
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Gassy Shit
It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.
Drinker Shit
The kind of Shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Lincoln Log Shit
The kind of Shit that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Corn Shit
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Shit Shit
The kind where you want to Shit but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Shit
That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Shit aka The Power Dump
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.
The Surprise Shit
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Shit!!!
The Dangling Shit
This Shit refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done pushing it out. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

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