Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Video Games, and Why Women Who Don't Play Them Can't Drive

Sometimes, I hate women. For that matter, MOST of the time I hate women.

Story #1:

Two things that happened to me in semi recent history. A few weeks ago, I was trying to get out of my car after parking. I open my door, and then I see a car pull into the empty space next to me, almost taking my door off. I closed the door, and waited for whoever the fuck that retard was to finish parking. I waited and saw that the retard driver was doing what I call the "Austin Powers". I leaned over more to see who was driving, and sure enough, it was a girl. She was driving a COMPACT CAR, attempting to park it in a NORMAL sized space, and I was parked within the lines on the pavement, and yet it took her about 6 tries before she was able to park her car properly. She did this while giggling the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME. She finally got out of her car to go to the ice Baskin Robbins right in front of her. Dumb bitch was probably on her rag. I shoulda shown her the back of my hand. No joke.

Story #2:

I was watching this stupid bitch parallel park her car while putting on make up. How she thought she was capable of doing this is beyond me, since most of them can barely parallel park AT ALL. So what did she do? She hit the car in front of her AND behind her multiple times while parking, and didn't care. Then she sat there, finished her makeup, and got out of the car and walked off.

Now, these same women are most likely, statistically speaking, probably the kind of women who talk some MAD shit to their boyfriends about their video game playing habits. I can just hear them now: "Why are you ALWAYS playing those STUPID video games?!" "Why don't you want to spend time with me? You can talk to your stupid video game friends all night but you never talk to ME!" Or the wives: "When are you coming to bed already?!" Or..."I thought I told you to (insert random chore here) but you were playing video games instead!!" Hmm, the reason why he's not talking to you and playing video games is because you're a dumb bitch with nothing of any interest to say who goes on and on about shit he doesn't care about. Furthermore, he doesn't want to break up with you or divorce your ass for whatever reason, so he's trying to play video games so he can have some mindless, thoughtless, emotionless, and GUILT-less fun for once in his miserable life.

The sad thing is, even as times progress, and women supposedly progress, men are still in the majority as far as gamers are concerned, just check these strictly men's shirts.

I don't know many female gamers that got into gaming on their own and not because of their boyfriend, husband or relative. I am not sure if I could attribute my own gaming tendencies to those reasons, I have always liked them since the original Nintendo console from back in the day, which was give to my brother and I. I even bought this MEN'S shirt in homage to it.

Anyway. Here's my theory. These women can't drive and hate video games. I vote that all DMVs should have extra tests for women that they have to take every year that involve various ways of parking, as well as learning how to keep your car in the same lane while looking over to see if you can change lanes. I mean, as a woman myself, I would take these test for the betterment of everyone else so that we wouldn't have to be subject to such idiocy as I described in those stories.

And I have a message for the women out there that fit the type I've just discussed. Maybe you should actually spend some of your worthless life learning how to play video games, and then you'll at least have better depth perception and hand-eye coordination and actually be able to park your god damned car without having people like me wishing they could violently murder you in some way and not go to jail.

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