What I have to say in no way excuses what the killer has done. Yes, it was a monstrous thing to do, to kill so many people to fulfill his need for revenge. Yes, no one should ever take an innocent's life the way he did. Don't ever for a MINUTE, think that I feel that these atrocities are "okay" or "justifiable". I don't at all.
My father, in his teachings of martial arts to me, often said two phrases that I always said were the cheesiest shit I had ever heard. They now seem very applicable. "Your greatest enemy is within you" and "No pain, no gain". For those of you that CANNOT think outside of the box, that persist in being held back by traditional ways of thinking, are not open minded, and just want to be led like sheep, don't bother reading my next post in this blog, because you won't understand it, and more than likely it will upset you quite a bit.
Furthermore, what I mean by repeating those two statements my father made is simply that, its true that your most fearsome enemy is yourself. Only you have the capability of lying to yourself and hurting yourself more than anyone ever could. Only you have the ability to pull the wool over your own eyes and persist in propagating your own ignorance. What I have to say is probably going to upset most if not all people who read it, but you know what? Too bad. There is no growth without some pain, hence the term GROWING PAINS. There is no advancement without some suffering. If you can read what I have to say and understand it, then I commend you for being an individual, someone able to THINK. I don't ask that you agree with me, only that you really and truly think about what I have to say, even if it makes you mad, even if it upsets you. ESPECIALLY if it does those things.
Also, I've written this in relative ignorance about the entire matter, I am not following the news obsessively, I have read CNN.com here and there, but you may or may not notice it's a big fragmented, information wise. That shouldn't dilute my message.
Who Shot Ya?
This title of a Notorious B.I.G. song is what popped into my head when reading the news about the VT killings. These are the words that perhaps should be considered in the tragedy that's occurred - sadly, its doubtful that anyone WILL consider them in the near or immediate future, at least not in the way that I am hoping.
And what do I mean by this question? Its simple. When I heard about the shootings today, I looked for information about the killer. There was none to be found. Why do I search for information on the killer? For a multitude of reasons. For one: while everyone else seems to be searching for ways to 'protect our children' and 'make our schools safer' not many people will be thinking of what I consider to be the TRUE problem. How do we stop these sorts of things from happening again?
Of course I cannot know the true reasoning behind the justification of the killing of 30+ people. I can, however, speculate. We have all said at one time or another, that we wanted to kill someone or do someone bodily harm. Sure, I know I for one have not acted out my impulses to commit homicide, genocide, and, when I'm particularly disappointed in humanity, xenocide. But the impulses ARE there.
Now. I move onto why this particular kid did this. First though, I will digress, intentionally, for a short period of time. I’d like to address all those people at Virginia Tech that say that they KNEW that this kid was going to be a school shooter, because he wrote shit that was “disturbing”. And further, that they were…OMG NO WAI…the SAME DAY just joking how he could be a school shooter! Why must these idiots come out of the woodwork and its these types of people that always try to find their 15 minutes of fame in moments like this! It’s fucking despicable and makes me sick to my stomach. Everyone has GOT to be interviewed. All these dumb bitches (both male and female) that are crying because they found out who the shooter was…BITCH PLEASE. You probably didn’t know the guy, or any of the people who were shot. And even if you did, so what if it happens to be the creepy loner kid with no friends? That somehow makes you even SADDER now? Oh yeah, and this kid’s face is the face of EVIL? Come on. It was the face of a tortured and confused kid; you can plainly see it in his video clips. And maybe it feels like evil to you, but that’s part of the reason why I’m writing this now. To maybe help people understand so that this sort of “evil” doesn’t happen again.
Okay, now that I’ve gotten that over with, again, I move to why this particular kid did this. Yes, he had notes in his room about these “rich kids”, the “debauchery” and “deceitful charlatans”. The superficial layer of why he did this is that he was angry. He was VERY angry. These stupid rich kids on campus, they’re the same all over. They have parties, they drink, they do drugs, and they have sex. They also are inordinately and perhaps unconsciously, supercilious, arrogant, and condescending. Its natural for an outsider, someone not in this “in crowd” to be angry at them, and jealous, and perhaps angry at his parents or family for not putting him in those same circumstances, able to look down on anyone not in his little special circle of friends. It’s always the tortured artists that write things that are “disturbing”. He was disturbed partially because of those idiots on that campus, and the whispering and joking about him being a school shooter did not help. Did you imbeciles out there actually think that he didn’t know? That he didn’t hear the whispers and jokes as he walked by? Did it ever occur to anyone that perhaps that he was SO angry that you yourselves implanted in his mind the self-fulfilling prophecy that he would be a school shooter? How do you know it wasn’t these cruel whispers and jokes that he heard and said, “Oh yeah? You think I’m a school shooter? Sure I’ll be a school shooter! I’ll fucking KILL ALL OF YOU!”
Its already been discovered that he was a loner, with not that many friends. Why is that? Why does it seem as if the people that do these sorts of things always end up being loners without many friends? I’ll give you a reason why. I have recently discovered that I myself am disenchanted with the people around me. I myself have been considering casting off those people that call me their friends, but that *I* do not call friends. I have in fact recently explained to someone that because of all my efforts to break down paradigms and be someone different, be unique, truly unique, that I have in fact distanced myself from everyone else, because it seems so many people are just sheeple – these sorry, pathetic, 2 dimensional excuses of life and wastes of space and oxygen. I very often feel quite alone, despite the fact that so many people surround me.
Once you get to the point where you feel isolated and alone, and you (as he more than likely did) spend increasingly more time online away from actual people, its possible that he felt like I do fairly often, just disconnected from people around him, and in extreme moments, from humanity in general. I, for one, am frequently disgusted at the way people act and behave themselves. It’s why I voluntarily spend so much time at home. It’s the reason why I spend so much time online, to spend time to try and find people that are like me, that feel the same ways I do in this respect. Luckily for me, I have. There are so many people out there; individuals who also feel alone, who also are surrounded by idiotic ignorant people that don’t understand them. But…those people, like myself, seem to be relatively grounded and merely disenchanted, not mentally unstable people. But if you add the variable of “mentally unstable” into the equation, then you get someone who is SO disenchanted with other people, SO alienated from other people, that he or she becomes so disconnected with everyone else, which ends up amounting to the human race. I think that THIS is what enables people to kill others, just gun them down in cold blood, or do other horrific things to them, in the nature of serial killers for instance. Other people become sort of…just bodies, just masses of flesh, not REAL people. (By the by, its this psychological tool that people in power use to goad the masses into supporting war – by making those they want to go to war against seem like the faceless, slavering horde, much easier to rouse “the mob” to kill “the enemy” that way, instead of thinking of them as real people who have lives and families.) It becomes infinitely easier to just kill someone, or even a large group of people, that you don’t consider “real” people.
And now I move onto the last point. Which is this: why must people always look for a scapegoat on everything? Oh, he was Korean, oh, he watched Oldboy multiple times before he killed so many people. Well, I quote, at this time, ironically enough, some Eminem lyrics.
“And all of this controversy circles me
And it seems like the media immediately
Points a finger at me
So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie
Or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up
When you don't give a fuck, when you won't just put up
With the bullshit they pull, cause they full of shit too
When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up his school
And they blame it on Marilyn, and the heroin
Where were the parents at? And look where it’s
Middle America, now it's a tragedy
Now it's so sad to see, an upper class ci-ty
Havin this happenin…”
Everyone wants a fucking scapegoat. In Columbine, it was Eminem and Marilyn Manson. Now, they’re going to, at some point, if they haven’t already, blame Park Chan Wook for the movie he made. The bottom like is…EVERYONE has some fault here! Not just the movie or the director. Not just KOREANS. But the court that didn’t properly register that they ruled that this kid was mentally ill was partially at fault, otherwise its possible that the guy who sold the kid the gun would have seen it in his background check. The kids that made fun of this kid are partially at fault. The parents of this kid are partially at fault. Anyone who this kid might have taken into confidence about his feelings is partially at fault. The professors (or TAs) who read what this kid wrote are partially at fault! For god’s sake, when I was a teenager and really depressed, (about a lot of shit) a friend who knew me at the time went to the school psychologist and told him he was worried about me being a danger to myself. This psychologist went around and talked to my teachers and friends and finally spoke to me. My friend did this knowing that I might never speak to him again, but he was so concerned about me that he felt my well being was more important than remaining friends with me. And I truly respect that to this day. As well as the teachers who spoke to the school psychologist about me.
Whatever. In conclusion, the reason I am thinking about these things and talking about them, and trying to get people to think about the things they don’t want to is because I DO want to try and do what I can to help prevent these things from happening. And if you hate me or are angry with me for it, fine. All I can say is I’m not surprised, and I don’t blame you. As a friend of mine said, “When something terrible happens, there’s a reason people divorce their rationale from it, it helps insulate you. Lessens the horror. People aren’t interested in being self-aware. There’s no reason to look at this with a brain in your head, to most; that will only cause oneself pain. It’s easier to just lay blame on something and move on.” And this is so true. If I’ve mad you angry, if I’ve at least made you think, then I’ve done something. And maybe if this makes you talk to someone else about it, then even better. As Malcolm X once said: “Usually when people are sad they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change." I know I’m angry. I almost hope you are too.