Sunday, February 25, 2007

OH EM GEE lrn2notspeak1337!

Okay. So. One of the things that I realized I seem to be having issues with lately, is talking like a normal person. I don't why that is, it just is. Now when I say "normal person", I mean someone that is not a gamer or does not play World of Warcraft. I've always sort of used gamer talk in real life, (ooh, see, right there I almost just typed IRL instead, ugh) but lately I've noticed it is getting REALLY BAD.

So...what am I doing that's so damned lame? Here's a list.

1. I always pronounce all the acronyms fully as if they were real words. LOL = lawl, ROFL = roffle, OMG = ohemgee, IMO = eye em oh, and I say "IRL" to mean what it means or just to mean life outside of WoW. (Oh God, today my roommate told me she wanted to go out and I said, "Wait, in game or IRL?" And yes, I did have genuine confusion as to what she meant.)

2. A lot of the time it actually IRKS me that I have to speak normally. When I'm being really stupid I just wonder to myself, "God, why can't this person play WoW then they would know what I was talking about!!"

3. Instead of saying something is cool or interesting or even awesome, I use the word "epic". Or "uber". Oh yeah, and I ALSO say "lrn2 'insert whatever said person needs to learn to do here'." Yes, I REALLY do. I also do the "orly/yarly/nowai" thing a lot, even though when you actually pronounce the words out loud it sounds like regular English. But in my MIND I see the text as its written.

This is has been happening for some time, but its been getting REALLY bad lately. The worst part is coming home after work and talking to all my friends on Vent and being able to talk like this, and actually being RELIEVED that someone knows what I'm talking about and understands me. Jesus Christ I'm lame. And yes, I've already realized I'm taking the whole RPG thing WAY too seriously. And furthermore that I'm becoming overly involved in the world of Warcraft as opposed to the REAL world. Can I help it if I like the former better?

Revocation of my ghetto pass??

I have a few things that I wanted to get off my chest this week. This may take a while so its probably best that I break it up into a few different posts.

First and foremost, since this relates to my other posts I made recently, I was in the office of one of the companies I worked for and was talking to a friend and an acquiantance, both guys. Now, let's call the friend...Eddie, and the acquaintance...Hugh. So, I initially came into Eddie's office to say hello, and Hugh just happened to be sitting in a desk right outside Eddie's office. Eddie had to take a phone call, so when he was on the phone, I leaned out to say hello to Hugh. We got to talking and Hugh discovered that I am a fan of hip hop. (Well, duh.) In any case we started talking about hip hop and of course I got all excited because honestly, who really, I mean REALLY likes music these days? I mean, truly likes music, as in all aspects of it. Lyrics, production, talent of the artist, etc etc. Anyway, I digress. Now I will admit that when I talk about hip hop, some of the Oakland in me does come out, it's totally unconscious when its happening, and I only realize it after the fact, usually because someone points it out.

So. Eddie gets off the phone and listens to my conversation with Hugh. He suddenly laughs and tells me that in his opinion it sounded REALLY wrong for me to be talking a little ghetto. I don't rememeber the words verbatim, but the gist of it basically seemed to me to be that he didn't think the ghetto was quite right coming out of my mouth. Now, I've lived in LA (specifically the Valley) for long enough now that by this point most of the time I pretty much sound like a "white girl" when I talk. This basically means that I have no accent and don't use any particular slang that would identify me as being black or Latina. But when the subject comes up, the ghetto comes out. I don't do it in purpose, I just can't help it.

My point here is: I was a wee bit on the outraged side when Eddie pointed out that the ghetto didn't "fit". I don't know which way he meant it exactly, but when someone says something like that, to me it seems like they're saying basically that you're a poseur. That you're frontin' on shit that you know nothing about. Which, for anyone who knows me, knows that is one of the BIGGEST insults you could ever give me. I mean, obviously I KNOW I'm not black. I don't think I am nor do I pretend to be. BUT! Is it really necessary to try and revoke my ghetto pass when you've only heard me talk like a white girl and all of a sudden the ghetto comes out?? Its not like it sounds "wrong", you just may not be USED to it is all.

Now Lord knows I am not in the business of justifying myself to people. If you think I'm real, then you do. If you don't then I don't need to convince you that I am...real recognizes real, right?

Monday, February 12, 2007

Gettin' My Sexy On

Never let it be said that although I am SO anti-trendy, that I can't like something in its own right despite its trendiness. And by this comment I refer to: JT aka Justin Timberlake.

Now, I never liked him in Mickey Mouse Club, hated N'Sync...and didn't particularly like anything from any solo album (except for the "Cry Me a River" remix with 50) but after watching a few videos of his on Friday and grudgingly dowloading his most recent album...well, I gotta give the man credit. The album is HEAT ROCKS. Timbaland produced, featuring quite a few respected hip hop artists...this pop kid's new album is really pure heat. He's done the Mariah Carey: moved out of the pop realm and into hip hop. I mean, I was in denial, but I can't deny it any longer. Not to mention...HELLO the man has got STYLE! Or a great stylist, but if that's the case then he sure does know how to take some tips and WORK them, at that. So he can dress, and dance, AND sing. Lord have MERCY!

RIght about now I'm really feeling "My Love" although I could care less for the TI bit at the end. Sorry, he just ain't King of the South like he thinks he is, IMO.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Justify My Thug?

So recently I've spent a lot of time marinating on myself, my life, etc etc, for a lot of reasons. Not the "where am I going, why am I here" ruminations, but more like "where have I been" and "why do I/should I like myself" ruminations. Anyway, here's the latest. For some reason I've been on the Jay-Z tip this week. No clue why. I mean other than the fact that he's my favorite rap artist of all time, that is.

Nonetheless. No matter what anyone might say about him, let it be said by me, right here, and right now, that he has said some relevant shit. Maybe not to anyone else, but he has for me. As is obvious I've been listening to The Black Album this week. And I posted this some time ago in a note in Facebook but I never sat here and took the time to actually explain how it is that the lyrics are so relevant to me.

Before I continue, let's see this lyrics. It's really the first part that I like the best:

"I ain't never been to jail; I ain't never pay a nigga
to do no dirt for me I was scared to do myself
I will never tell even if it means sittin in a cell
I ain't never ran, never will
I ain't never been smacked; a nigga better keep his hands
to himself or get clapped for what's under that man's belt
I never asked for nothin I don't demand of myself
Honesty, loyalty, friends and then wealth
Death before dishonor and I tell you what else
I tighten my belt 'fore I beg for help
Foolish pride is what held me together through the years
I wasn't felt which is why I ain't never played myself
I just play the hand I'm dealt, I can't say I've never knelt
before God and asked for better cards at times to no avail
But I never sat back feelin sorry for myself
If you don't give me heaven I'll raise hell
'Til it's heaven"

Now. I've lived in a lot of places in my life, and one place I am glad that I lived in...or rather two places, if you think about the 'hood and the barrio. Yeah, I lived in the ghetto...for a good portion of my life. Was born in Oakland (or a tiny city close to it that no one's ever heard of) and while living in LA, have spent a lot of time in and around the hood. It's not necessarily something I pride myself on, but I AM glad it happened. Why? Well, I saw a lot of shit and went through a lot of shit that I would never have seen or experienced. It put me in a much different state of mind, I think, than any of my "peers". Meaning, more specifically, any younger Asian females that were raised in a basically middle class environment. With this in mind, I continue.

I've never been to jail. Yeah I've committed crimes, (no I don't just mean dowloading shit illegally) I've done my share of petty theft, been an accessory to a few things I shouldn't have been, whatever. But I wouldn't ever pay anyone to do anything I was scared to do myself. If I want shit done, *I* will do it. Since after all it's been proven time and again, if you want something done right, do it yourself.

I've never ratted anyone out, I've never told anyone something solely for the sake of saving my own ass. Fuck that. I would never roll over on anyone, would never try and sell someone out. I've never run away from my responsibilities or from the cops or anything like that, either.

I would never let myself be treated like a bitch. And when I say bitch, I don't mean the "bitch" I'm usually proud of being (read: a strong woman) I mean like, a little cowardly pussy. No one would ever be able to lay hands on me and get away with it. If you touch me the wrong way, I'll kill you.

I like to believe that I'm not a hypocrite. I don't ask people for anything that I wouldn't give them in turn (although hence, I never ask anyone for anything, but there's as reason why and that's a whole long, other, different story). I also don't expect more from people than I myself am either willing or capable of doing. And there have been many, many times in my life, where I did tighten my belt rather than ask for help. I've been hungry more than a few times because I was too proud to ask someone for money or help in some way...and that's because I don't want ANYONE to ever say that I owed them anything. I would never want anyone to be able to claim that anything I have or am was because of them. EVER.

And yes, foolish pride has held me together and made me who I am, for better or for worse. And I can be proud of the fact that I've tried my damndest to never play myself. I would never do something if I didn't believe in what I was doing. I would never be something I didn't believe in or support anyone I didn't believe in. I would never sacrifice my strongest principles for trivial shit. Never.

Now this last part here? Sure I have sat back and felt sorry for myself, but I got over it soon enough and played the hand I was dealt. And I did ask God for better cards, most of the time to no avail. I've asked God for better cards quite a bit recently, what can I say? Has he dealt me a better hand than the ones I've been playing? Only time will tell I suppose. In the meantime I like to believe that I'm a woman, no a PERSON of honor and integrity, someone who still believes in honor and integrity for that matter. Someone who would die for the things I truly, truly believed in. Someone who isn't afraid to be passionate and CARE about things. Someone who isn't afriad to fight for the things she wants and believes in.

The main two things I would die or kill for? Love. Honor. And that is all.

And THAT is one reason why I think I really like myself.

Public Service Announcement...

"Now before I finish, let me just say: I did not come here to show out, did not come here to impress you. Because to tell you the truth when I leave here I'm gone...and I don't care WHAT you think about me - but just remember, when [shit] hits the fan, whether it's next year, ten years, twenty years from now, you'll never be able to say that [this bitch] lied to you, JACK!"

So I was listening to this in the car the other day, and I have no idea where it came from, but I thought it was very apropos for me specifically. If I could have these words engraved on my tombstone, I would. Well, okay, maybe I wouldn't, but still. They are, nonetheless, "famous last words" for me.

Okay so, why do these words apply to ME, you ask? Well. Here's the thing. They struck me because I honestly do feel that way. I generally don't do things to impress people, (unless I need to for some reason) I'm not an attention whore. I do what I do because its me, because its what I am. And when I do leave somewhere, a person, a place, a situation...when I leave it either physically or mentally, I AM gone. And the best part of the whole thing, I like to think that I can pride myself on the ability to be honest. So maybe people sometimes don't want to hear honesty. Maybe sometimes I'm a little too honest. But...nonetheless the fact still remains... If you know anything about me, you should know that you would always be able to say that this bitch never lied to you, JACK!